From Son Up 'Til Son Down... And Then Some

 

This week I am linking up with my dear friend Shell at Things I Can't Say.

For more information on how you can Pour Your Heart Out,

click HERE.

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Life is a juggling act.

Every morning I grudgingly pull myself from bed to wake my son from his peaceful slumber. That's really the only peaceful thing he does these days.

From there I listen to him complain. He complains about his school uniform, packing a lunch, his new Doc Martens that he had to have. He complains on the way to the bus about his bus ride, about his teachers, and about his school. Then he complains that I will be at work when he arrives home.

It seems as though at 12, my once thoughtful and considerate son has forgotten about anyone but himself.

He neglects to realize that from dropping him off, I head to work. He doesn't consider that I am learning a new job. It escapes him that I have spent the last three weeks deciding where to send his sister for the rest of the school year. It doesn't concern him that I am distraught by his suffering grades or his extreme negativity. He completely forgets that I am also bearing the weight of a full college course load.

As I arrive home in the evening, my hopes of enjoying our newly found family time come crashing down as his complaining begins again. There is nothing to eat (nothing meaning he didn't want to take the time to make himself a snack). He has too much homework. His sister is wearing his sweatshirt. Why won't I let him have his XBox back?

I feed them dinner, get chores and extra-curriculars out of the way, and sit down to breathe and begin my own schoolwork. Only I don't get the opportunity to get much done. I am endlessly interrupted by him wanting help folding his laundry. He wants to express his frustration with having to clean up after our pets. Oh! And could I please give him a tummy rub? It will only take a minute.

Finally, after both of the kids are tucked in for the night, I get the chance to catch up on the things I have left to do. I can do my schoolwork. I am able to catch up on laundry. I even have a little bit of time to say hello to you.

At an hour entirely to late to think about, I finally lay my weary head down for the night. I pray to the Lord for the strength and energy to do it all again the next day. Oh! And that my son broadens his world view.

Winter Break Already? Say It Ain't So!

image credit

Ahh, Friday.... So often we hear rejoicing voices for this beloved day of the week. I, on the other hand, have been dreading this particular Friday for weeks.

 Today is the 1st day of winter break for one of my children.

 It marks the beginning of the end of 2010.

Only four days until The Man's son arrives from Colorado Springs.

Just 1 1/2 left of school for The Girl.

Less that 2 weeks until The Boy, my first born, turns 12.

Yikes.

With Christmas just a week away, I am filled with anticipation. I am so excited to travel to Chicago and visit my beloved family. I am not at all looking forward to a long, potential snowy drive with three preadolescent children.

I am giddy with excitement to meet my newest nephew who was born in October. I'm not so sure I am ready for our three kids and my brother's older four kids to be unleashed, together, in one place - indoors...

I am looking forward to seeing Fave Cousin, but I am sad that after a very short visit I will have to say good-bye to her and her rugrats. I wish they were closer. I wish our visits weren't so short. I wish the time between them was shorter.

I had hoped to have a birthday party for The Boy over break. I'm not so sure he followed up on his end of the deal by securing his friends' phone numbers. He started a new school this year, but hasn't spent any time out of school with his new friends. I'd like to see some of them at his party and get to know them.

I am praying The Girl will behave herself over break. Things between us have been tenuous at best and I am not currently her biggest fan. Her bad attitude and lack of respect for the rest of us have left her at the top of all of our Shit Lists recently and I would hate to spend the holiday fighting with her.

I also hope The Man and his son have some time to reconnect while he is here. The Man works so much and while his son was here over the summer, I don't feel like they had much "guy time". While all of the stuff we have planned during his visit is family stuff, I hope the two of them can find some common ground to build on.

What are your hopes for the holidays? Are you looking forward to the last couple of weeks of 2010? Or are you secretly dreading winter break? Do you have any family traditions that don't necessarily revolve around Christmas? Have you made any New Year's Eve plans?

Mom of Middle Schooler - Say It Ain't So

The Boy doesn't start school until September 7.  However, yesterday a very scary reality set in.  We were up by 7:30, showered, dressed, and out the door by 8:30.  We were on our way to Middle School Orientation. *dut dut daaaa* 

As we were driving to the school, The Boy was asking all kinds of questions about what middle school when my mind drifed off to a conversation I had with a very old friend a summer or two ago....

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Friend: Hahaha, remember middle school!?! We had so much fun.

Me: Oh my gosh!  We were so naughty!  I can't believe we never got caught pulling the shit we pulled!

Friend: I know!!  Remember how everyone used to sneak into your house at night and we'd all hang out in your bedroom until 3 or 4 in the morning?!

Me: LOL!!  I know!  I swear, I have no idea how we never got busted!  We had so many people over!  What about when Frank (name changed to protect the not so innocent) used to steal his brother's car?!

Friend: Frank!!!  Hahahaha!!  What about you stealing your mom's car!  We couldn't have been more than 12 or 13!!!

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Flash back to reality...  12 or 13!!!  Oh my good gracious!!!  The Boy will be 12 in December!  I met my closest friends and partners in crime in the 6th grade!!!  The 6th grade!!!!  I. Am. So. Not. Ready. For. This.

Me on left - in Middle School

Back to School Gives Me Grey Hair

I'm back and mostly recovered from all the craziness that has been my life.  I have packed so much stuff into the last two weeks, I seriously thought I was in peril of my head exploding.  Fortunately, it didn't.  I survived.  As did all who accompanied me.

Like the rest of the world, my life is consumed with the chaos of Back to School.  The Boy is starting a new school this year.  Not only is he going into the 6th grade, he will be attending a small charter school in a near-by town.  He's crazy excited to be taking Latin (he's a dork, I love that) and start learning about ancient civilizations.  I'm excited about uniforms and small class sizes.

The Girl is starting 5th grade, back for her last year of elementary school with all of her favorite teachers.  I'm kind of nervous for her last year of elementary, only because I don't know that she's ready for the pace of middle school.  She starts August 30 and I have already left a message for her Special Ed teacher to call me.  I really want to make sure that she, I, and The Girl's new classroom teacher are all on the same page.  The goal of this school year is to make sure she is ready for a middle school environment.  That's it.  Not making friends, not developing social skils, LEARNING TO PARTICIPATE IN AND GET THE MOST OUT OF A CLASSROOM SETTING.

Sadly, I'm not sure if the school is ready for that.  For the last few years, The Girl has been permitted to determine how much time she spends in the classroom.  As her behavior is very disruptive, the teachers have always allowed her to leave the room for non-preferred instruction.  (Don't even get me started.)  They have completely created a monster and this year, it needs to stop.  I am going to demand that instead of allowing her to feel rewarded when leaving the room, there needs to be the implication of consequence.  They need to create positve reinforcement to keep her in the room for as much of the day as they can. 

While I understand that this may impact the education of the other 23 kids in the room, I think if they tackle the problem early, The Girl will assimilate quickly AND the other students will only be affected during the review portion of the year.

I am keeping my fingers crossed and hope to have the support of the administration.  I will definitely keep you posted!

Monday Odds and Ends

I had an amazing FEX post prepared for yesterday and fotoflexer wasn't cooperating. *sad panda*  So, next Sunday FEX will be back - hopefully my collage will work - and Fave Cousin will be off my ass for awhile.

Friday brought the arrival of The Man's son from Colorado Springs.  He will be here for a month.  While The Man and I do not live together, his son will be spending the next month under my roof for a number of reasons.

1.  The Man lives in a 3 bedroom townhome with 2 roommates.  The only place for his son to sleep there is on the couch.  Here, The Boy has bunk beds and the two of them can share a room.  (They are only 10 days apart in age AND they get along.)
2. The Man works 13 - 14 hours a day, 6 days a week.  By staying here, his son will have someplace to be with adult supervision AND other kiddos to play with.
3. I cook.  The Man goes out to eat.  Need I say more about that?

On Saturday, my beloved son returned from a week at Boy Scout camp.  It has been chaos here since.  Some highlights from his trip include kids from his troop being chased by a bear (they were camping in northern Wisconsin), a huge thunder storm resulting in a canoe 30 feet from his tent being struck by lightning, a woodtick embedded in his belly (EW!), and bringing home a urine filled canteen ("Mom! It was dark, it was raining, and there were BEARS!").  Needless to say, he is excited to go back next year.

Today, The Girl's BF and the BF's older sister spent the day here while their mom was at work.  The girls used to be our neighbors and moved near the end of the school year.  They informed me today that the relative they were living with (their mother was evicted from the home they were renting in my neighborhood) has kicked them out and they have been living in a hotel for the last month.  It breaks my heart that their mother is such an irresponsible pain and that they're no longer just down the street.  My home used to be their safe haven.  Their mom has tried repeatedly to use me as a free childcare for the girls already this summer.  I would love to help, but I can't afford to feed 5 kids every day.

I also found out over the weekend that I will be able to go to Chicago in August for a Memorial BBQ in honor of my Favorite Uncle.  He lost an ugly battle with Leukemia just over a year ago.  I'm super stoked to see Fave Cousin, her hubby, and their kids as well as my Favorite Aunt and a whole slew of other cousins and family members!  I don't get to see my family anywhere near enough.

Anywho, stay tuned this week for some exciting stuff!  I will be hosting my very first (real) giveaway this week!  Also, during DuckFest, I won a Stickman cartoon!  That will be debuting right here at Only Parent Chronicles THIS WEEK!!!

Homework Police; Yep, That's Me!

I'm not really sure at what point he decided that homework was optional, but we are only at the end of the second school week of the new year and The Boy is behind in 3 classes.  WTH!

On Monday morning, I received a call from The Boy's teacher.  She is concerned.  It appears as though The Boy doesn't find his school work a priority.  While he does well on his tests, he has a difficult time completing his daily assignments and turning them in.  This is happening in many classes.  (Um, Doi? I'm pretty sure I told you that the very first time we met.  Oh!  And then there was that time at conferences when I mentioned my concern in how incomplete his assignment notebook appeared to be.  And how about the last 3 weeks before winter break?  You know, when I was on your butt like white on rice, trying to get a list of EVERYTHING he was missing so he could complete it before break?  Yeah....  Pretty sure I was aware of the problem.  Thank you for finally taking the time to get back to me.)

So, in an effort to teach The Boy some accountability and develop some better study skills, the teacher has finally gotten on board.  Beginning yesterday, each Thursday, all of The Boy's teachers will email me a list of any late/missing work, assignments with upcoming due dates, and The Boy's current grade.  THANK YOU!!!  FINALLY!  See, the elementary school does not have student's grades on line.  Teacher participation is the only way I can keep tabs on him.

Needless to say, picking The Boy up from school yesterday armed with a list of what is missing and what is soon due caused a little drama.  Not only did The Boy not have all of his materials with him, his homework file had 2 completed assignments (that are late) just sitting there.  He was none too happy when we (yes we...  he said I embarrassed him, hehehe) marched back into the school for him to turn them in.

I think he finally gets that I'm not fooling around when it comes to school.  Last night consisted of no tv, no XBox, no Wii, no DS, no GameCube, no telephone, no computer, no radio, no iPod, no Cub Scouts, NOTHING but homework.  I am happy to report that his skinny little butt is caught up on everything......if he remembers to turn it in...

Not My Kids

I will never claim to be the perfect mother.  I am so far from it.  In all honesty, some days I wonder how we all made it through alive.  I'm not even kind of exaggerating.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids.  They are my everything.  That doesn't me there are days that I don't like them.

The Girl has multiple mental/behavioral health diagnosis.  She has been in both in and out patient treatment facilities.  We have done trial and error with every schedule II drug known to the pharmaceutical community.  (I think we have finally found one that helps.)  I have literally had my ass kicked by her multiple times, have called the police on her more than once, have had the police called on me, and have been with her to many, many, many therapists.  As frustrated and angry, as hurt and heart broken as I get with her, there is no limit to how far I will go to keep her safe.  She is my world.

The Boy is a narcissistic know it all with zero humility.  He is witty, smart, funny, loving, and infuriating.  Although the problems I have with him pale in comparison to those with The Girl, they are still overwhelming.  He reminds me of me.  A lot.  He can be sharp tongued and nasty, but again, there is no limit to my love.  He is my world.

On Tuesday nights, I babysit the two children of Fab Mama, one of the women I work with...  My home is also frequently Kid-a-Palooza.  The Girl's BF lives across the field from us.  The BF has an older and a younger sister who also spend a ton of time here.  I adore these girls.  Their mother, on the other hand, I'm not so sure about.

Every school morning, the BF comes over around 7:00 a.m.  We do not have bus service to our school, so I drive my kids.  The BF was supposed to be a walker, but since I am already going that way, I offered to drive her.  A couple weeks into the school year, she started asking for rides home, too.  Except that home was my house.  Often times she (and her older sister) are here after school.  At least 3 days a week, the little sister gets dropped off here around 5:00 p.m. to play - by their mother. 

While I am fine with all of the kids playing here, the mother has not really ever spoken with me about this.  Every morning, I feed her 4th grader breakfast.  Several days a week, I serve as an after school play center for her 4th and 6th graders.  In addition to that, she drops her 4 year-old off here when she comes home from work.  There is no communication regarding when the girls should come home, and many days they all eat dinner here.

Tonight, the 4th and 6th grader are spending the night.  The 4th grader has come down a few times complaining of a headache.  I have called the mother, I have texted the mother - multiple times.  She has not responded once.  WTH!  How can I in good conscience give any medicine to this poor girl if her freaking mother won't call me back?!?!?  I'm pissed!  I don't want to not let these girls into my home because their mother is a flake, but she needs to call me back!!! 

I'm hoping that someone out there in the blogosphere can offer me up some advice....

Better Days

So, I've been sporadic at best the last two weeks.  I was pretty sure my head was going to explode by Monday.  Tuesday night, after the kids were tucked tightly into their beds, I had some wine (2 bottles, ooopsie), watched some DVR'd TV (love, love, love Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends), and sorted my emotional shit...  I think...

That said, I'm back!  Last night, Bob Schneider rocked my world at The Varsity Theatre in Dinkytown.  He is my all time favorite live performer.  It's been three years since I've seen him.  I will not ever wait that long again.

Bob, rockin' the scarf

I'm not entirely sure why Ollie was in a bunny suit, BUT it made for some good laughs!

He's got skillz...  I dig it.

I'm flat broke, actually, more than broke, until Wednesday.  I think I learned a difficult lesson.  I now owe myself $1300.  I will pay it back. 

I've had no health insurance since October 1.  I need to get my but in gear and get all of my paperwork in the mail so insurance can be reinstated.  In addition, I am committing to myself to get any registration info in by December 15 so I can go back to school in the spring.  This fall has been an all time FAIL in productivity and I need to get myself back on track.

I did some bartering with a friend and now have a new water softner, chest freezer, and a keyboard with amp for The Girl for Christmas.  The Boy really wants an XBox.  I think, since I've pulled my head from my ass and will be more careful with my money, I will be able to swing it.

Glamour Girl is taking me to the Vikings game on Sunday.  That should be a blast.  The Boy is going camping this weekend with Cub Scouts (I need to go get him some extra gloves and hats.  It's his first winter camping experience!  I'm excited for him!), and The Girl has a hot date with her Godfather on Friday night.

I've decided I really like the man I've been seeing and I need to stop being shallow and letting stupid things stand in the way of getting to know him better.  He's very different than the typical man for me.  I'm beginning to think maybe that is good, but I'm not one to put the cart before the horse.  So here's to better attitudes and better moods!!!

Boycott Thursdays

I hate Thursdays.  See that uber grumpy face on that otherwise adorable teddy bear?  That's my face on a Thursday morning. 

Don't get me wrong, Thursday has never really ever done anything to me.  I just really don't like it.  See, I bartend on Wednesday nights.  When I get home, it is generally around 2:00 a.m.  I need normally about another half hour to wind down, putting me in bed by 2:30.  My alarm goes off at 6:30.  Ugh.

The babysitter drops my kids and her son (Little Buddy) off at 7:00.  The Girl's BFF shows up around 7:05.  I get to make breakfast for 4 kids and have 3 of them to school by 8:20.  All I want to do is sleep.

Today, The Boy stayed home from school.  He and Little Buddy watched cartoons while my lazy arse slept on the couch.  The Boy even made lunch from Little Buddy and himself.  They woke me at 12:00 to take Little Buddy to school.  So here I sit, still in my jammies, a half a pot of coffee in me, telling you how much I hate Thursday.  Thanks for listening ;)

It's An Award! Honest!

Last night, as I was getting ready for bed, I received a comment from my bloggy friend FeliciaE over at Living Just Like Grandma.  She wanted to let me know show had bestowed the honor of an award on me.  I got really excited!  I mean, really?!?!?  Who doesn't LOVE awards?!? (If you say you don't, I'm calling you a big, fat liar!)  Even more exciting, it's the Honest Scrap award.  I don't know who started this award, but I've been DYING to get it!  Weird, I know, but I love, love, love the graphic.  Call me crazy...  So thank you SOOOO  much Felicia!  I will display it proudly!

Here are the rules:

1.) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged me.

2.) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.

3.) Share "10 Honest Things" about myself.

So, here it goes!!!

Daffy at Batcrap Crazy - She's a new bloggy friend.  I know she already has this award, but she makes me laugh, so I'm awarding her again.

Nancy at If Evolution Really Works - Again, I know she already has this one, but she cracks me up and I wanted to show her a little love and gratitude.

Leigh at Leigh vs. Laundry - What can I say?  I mean really?  A pegasus in the salsa?  She's gotta be amazing to be raising a kid with an imagination like that!

Charmaine at Middle Aged Dating - You've gotta love a woman that bulldozes an ungrateful's place...  Hehehe!  Can I borrow your bulldozer, please?

Lisa Anne at Smell the Coffee Lisa - One again, she already has this award, but since I've been following her, I've come to the conclusion there is nothing this woman can't do!

Lunhatikk at Attitude of Gratitude - Not only is it damn hard to be that grateful all of the time, she is a kick arse face/body painter.

Amy at My LaLa Land - An adorable, 20-something, non-mommy blogger I heart.

Now for 10 Honest Things About Myself

1. I never wanted to be a mom, but my kids are my whole world and the force that drives my lazy butt out of bed every day.  They are the cheese to my macaroni.

2. I am involved in animal rescue, mostly bully breeds, and have had over 100 different foster dogs in the last 10 years.  Check out Underdog Rescue.  It was started and is run by my friend Shannon.

3. I was laid off last April (2008).  I have no desire to go back to work full time.

4. I'm looking into going back to school in the spring.  I always wanted to be a veterinarian.  Marriage and kids halted that...

5. I am a movie junkie.  I own over 300 DVDs, still have an extensive VHS collection, AND DVR tons of movies weekly.  Being an only parent only enables this addiction.  (Hey!  It's better than crack!)

6. I love trying new beers.  When I travel, I always try local or regional microbrews.  My favorite beer (currently) is Spotted Cow from New Glarus, WI.

7. I am a REALLY BIG DORK.  I love sci-fi and fantasy.  I watch Star Wars (The Clone Wars cartoons), read Tolkien, and love things like The Dark Crystal.

8. I was supposed to get married this year (10.17.09 to be exact).  My ex-beau (Chef) is 7 years younger than me and is probably one of my best friends in the whole wide world.  I love him very much but think he is too young to settle down.

9. I have two brothers.  Redneck Brother and Baby Brother.  Redneck Brother lives about 15 minutes away from me and I see him maybe  a dozen times a year.  His wife was diagnosed with breast cancer last week.  Please pray for them.  Baby Brother lives in Chicagoland with his wife (Wonder Woman).  They are high school sweethearts and have 4 B-E-A-Utiful boys that I adore.

10. I believe that my husband's death was a blessing in disguise.  Some feel that is callus, but I don't care.  My kids don't have to live with his demons and broken promises.  I think that is far healthier than having a crackhead dad that pops in and out at his convenience leaving a wake of heartache in his path.

So, that's that!  Check out the 7 fabulous women I listed above and have an amazing day!

Things to Ponder From the Weekend

~  Did anyone else see the Pats lay the smack down in Foxboro yesterday?  What the crap?  Welcome back to football, Tom Brady.  It took you long enough!  Wish I wouldn't have cancelled that trip!  Would have loved to watch that game first hand!!!     

~  What's with Mother Nature's multiple personality disorder?  It was B-E-A-utiful here this weekend!   Let's hope it stays this way!

~  Why does The Boy find it necessary to call me at midnight from a sleepover to come pick him up?  It's not even like he does it everytime.  Just randomly.  No rhyme or reason.  Just, "Mom, can you come get me.  I'm ready to come home."  And then other times I have to call the following day to find out if he's ever coming home.  Weird.

~  When will I learn that my body likes me better after a night of drinking vodka than it does after a night of drinking beer?  And why do I think I can still party like it's 1999?  I'm not 21 anymore,  Boy does my body like to remind me.

~Apparently purple hair and black eyeliner makes me Goth.  What the hell is Goth anyway?  One of the teenagers at work said I'm too girly to be Goth and that the person who called me that is dumb.  Well, doi...  But really?  Are there really Gothy emos in their 30's?  Get a LIFE!

~  Yes, I said purple hair.  It's purple highlights, to be more specific.  I feel pretty, oh so pretty!

~  Dream Guy made me mad for the LAST time.  Stupid man.

~  What a great weekend to catch up on my TV watching.  DVR is AMAZING!  I got to watch The Forgotten, Flash Forward, Psych, Raising the Bar, and enough Burn Notice to get my Jeffery Donovan fix for the rest of October.  (Yum!  Notice a theme? Christian Slater, Joseph Fiennes, James Roday, Mark Paul Gosselar, and Jeffery Donovan.  Hehehe!)

~  Should I say yes if the customer from work asks me out?  He seems very nice, but he reminds me a lot of the late hubby. 

So many things to ponder...

How was your weekend?

D-d-d-d-dating!?!?!

I can honestly say that I suck at dating.

I serial dated for a while, after my husband died.  That was easy.  I was in a complete unattachment mode, so the men that I dated were just time killers and space fillers.  Sad, but true.

In the last five years, I have had three boyfriends.  I was with Chef for three of those years.  We broke up last August when wedding planning spooked him.  We would be getting married in 9 days.  The fun part is, we are really great friends.

Dating Chef, and then Iowa for 6 months after him, changed the way I look at dating.  I realized, while dating these men, that I am looking for more than a dinner companion.  I don't want a buddy to go to the movies with, or someone to buy me drinks when we're out.  I want a partner.

So how do I define what I am looking for?  And how long does it take to determine?  When I spend time with Dream Guy, everything seems to click.  Conversation is easy, silence is easy, everything is easy and comfortable.  Sadly, our timelines are completely out of wack.  I'm looking for someone to share life with, he wants to see what's out there.  While I know I need to cut that loss and be okay with only being friends (which I totally am!  I'm so not willing to throw away 15 years of friendship!), it frustrates me to know I have to continue trying to find that ease and comfort with someone else.

I feel like dating is a job.  I wonder sometimes where to fit it in.  I strive to not let my motherhood define me, as I am more than just a mom.  However, my commitments to my kids do take priority over commitments to people I may or may not want a relationship with.  Or maybe I use my commitment to my children as an excuse to not honor a commitment to myself.  I dunno.... 

What I do know is while parenting The Boy and The Girl is the most rewarding role I've ever had, at some point they will take a life path of their own.  And when they do, I know that I would like to have someone by my side as a partner in my continued journey.  My kids are still young and I have plenty of time, but I feel like it would be nice to have someone along for the ride while the memories of this part of the journey are being made.

What I Love About... Saturdays

Saturdays are rough.

As I've mentioned previously, I am a bartender.  I generally don't get to bed on a Friday night (let's be real, it's Saturday morning) until at least 3:30 a.m.  That's IF I come straight home. 

I'm fortunate that my kids sleep at their baby-sitter's on the nights I work.  They do, however, start calling me by 9:00 a.m.  That, my friends, is entirely too freaking early! 

I really do love Saturdays, though.  First of all, even though the ungratefuls wake me too damn early, I love that I get to spend the afternoon with them.  Nothing makes my day more than calmly reminding The Girl to keep her hands off of other people, to stop taking things that don't belong to her, and the reason we are out of Go-Gurt is that she is constantly helping herself and I have no idea that we've run out.  And truly, what could possibly be more rewarding than repeatedly telling The Boy that the obnoxious sounds he makes are not only irritating as hell, but piss me off beyond belief.  And as much as he would like to be, he is not, nor never will be Ace Ventura and if he would like to practice being Jim Carrey, to please do so while outside or locked in a sound-proof booth.

Another of my favorite parts of Saturday is shower time.  After spending the day enjoying all the amazing gifts of motherhood, I sadly have to begin getting ready for another stimulating night of dealing with drunks that love karaoke.  (Oh!  I forgot to mention the bar has karaoke?  Well, what was I thinking?)

I love the solitude of shower time.  Even at 9 and 10, my children still burst into the bathroom multiple times during one shower.  It's ALWAYS super important stuff, too.  Life-threatening issues like, "Where is my DS charger?", "The Boy won't share his games with me!", "The Girl went into my room without asking!", "Am I allowed to watch Old School? But Mom, I've seen other Will Ferrell movies!  That's so unfair!"

Sadly, when it's time for me to drop the kids back off at the baby-sitter's, I know I'm going to miss the little monsters.  I think about how much more fun it would have been to rent a pile of movies and eat popcorn all night, or how great it would be to let them have huge sleepover parties at our house with their friends.  And when the phone at work rings around 10:00 p.m. and a familiar little voice on the other end says, "That One Mom, please.", it warms my heart to know that regardless of how rotten, spoiled, and ungrateful they are, they're mine.  All mine.  And I don't have to share them with a soul.  Truly, I am blessed.

Need to Get My Butt Moving

Today finds me in a funk.

Sunday was a difficult day.  I had been out with the girls until late.  We had a fabulous time dancing!  Our volunteer (badgered into submission by his loving girlfriend) DD dropped Miss Lucinda and me off at my house around 3 a.m.

I'm sure a normal person would have just gone to bed.  However, Miss Lucinda and I haven't seen each other in over a month.  Which is FOREVER in our worlds.  So we had some catching up to do.  In the midst of catching up, my text message start going off.  At 3:06, I get a message that says, "What are you doing?"  It's a local number that I don't have assigned to a contact.  I didn't give my number out at all, so it must be someone I know...

"Who's this?"  is all I reply.

"Mr. Fun-and-games, again."  Ahhh, Mr. Fun-and-games....  I deleted all of his contact info out of my phone months ago, when I finally decided after years and years of his nonsense, that I couldn't deal with him any more.  This was the 2nd time this week he'd contacted me.  I didn't save his info then.  I'm not going to now.

If he is anything, he is consistent.  Mr. Fun-and-games wants to "hang out".  I have to get up at 6:00.  I told him, if he can deal with sweat pants and sleep, he's welcome to crash.  I would, however, be gone when he woke up.  Hahahaha....  From my own house...

So Sunday morning came too soon.  Mr. Fun-and-games parked behind me and I had to dig through all of his pockets to move his truck.  I had to go pick up The Girl from her friend's house and take her to church.  She was singing on the youth worship team and had to be there for all of the services.  I took a nap in the car during the second service.

I got a text from Miss Lucinda around 9:30 letting me know that Mr. Fun-and-games had just left and I would find her crashed in my bed when I got home.

After church, we picked up The Boy and came home to get Miss Lucinda and take her home.  My poor little head was THROBBING!  We were all starving, so we took Miss Lucinda home and went out to eat.  I was in bed by 3:00 p.m. for the longest nap ever.  When I woke at 6:30, I still had a killer headache.  The Girl was sound asleep in her room and The Boy was in his room watching a movie.  The house was silent.  It was amazing.  I fell back asleep until 9:00, watched The Break-up, and went back to sleep until 6:00 this morning.

As I sit here, it is almost 1:00 p.m.  The kids are at school.  I have a HUGE to-do list.  And I'm still in my jammies...

I need to light a fire under my ass and get my house cleaned.  Ugh....  Like I said, I'm in a funk.

Fabulous #3!

Ahh, The List...

One thing you must know about me is I am a HUGE sports fan.  I know there is a common joke that women choose their favorite team based on who they think the cutest player is.  If that were the case, I would love the Indianapolis Colts.  I, my friends, am a long-time (16 years), die hard fan of the greatest team EVER, the New England Patriots.

Which is how #3 came to be on the list.  Folks, I heart Adam Vinatieri.  I mean look at that smile!!  From 1996 - 2005, Adam was the kicker for NE.  He went to Indy in '06 and remains there to this day... sad panda...

His smile alone isn't the reason for my adoration.  Did you know that he is THE GREATEST place kicker in NFL history!?!?!  (Not an entirely subjective statement!) I mean really, how many place kickers have thrown for a touchdown?  And do you know of any place kickers that have decided the outcome of multiple Super Bowls?  I thought not.

In addition, he does have some pretty great commercials! 

He also has a Snickers commercial where he kicks a ball and knocks a satellite out of the sky.  It could happen..

One day this summer, in one commercial break, I saw a commercial for some gossip show with Brad, a trailer for The Proposal with Ryan, AND the Snickers commercial with Adam - CONSECUTIVELY.  My amazing son rewound them three times so I could watch them over and over.  That's love! (I've trained him well!)

So, here you have it folks, three more obligatory pictures of Future Ex-Husband #3...  Sadly, like #1 and #2, he is taken.  And like the others, there is a 100% chance that he will never know how beautiful I think he is...

Wannabe Hoochie Mama

Ok.  Not really.  But the thought did cross my mind.

As I've mentioned before, since being laid off, I've been bartending.  Usually that shoots to hell any opportunity for a social life...  Especially during the school year when babysitters aren't abundant.

BUT...

Saturday night, I'm going out...  Dancing.  I'm pretty excited.  I haven't been to a nightclub in YEARS!!  Like, at least 5 years.  Except for the time I took a 20 year-old girl I work with and her friend to an 18+ club downtown because they didn't know they way.  But that doesn't exactly count, because I was more in babysitter mode than girls night out mode.  I digress...

Granted, going out in downtown Minneapolis isn't like hitting the clubs in NYC, LA, or even Miami for that matter.  But clubs still have dress codes and people still dress up.  Herein lies my problem.  My closet isn't exactly stocked with nightclub clothes.  I have been shopping 3 times since making these plans to find something to wear with no success.  And it's not that I can't find something age appropriate or unskanky.  I cannot find ANYTHING!  I don't want to go out dancing in jeans or black pants!  I WANT A CUTE LITTLE BLACK DRESS!!!!  (Or any other flattering color for that matter!)

I'm going shopping again on Saturday afternoon.  I think I'm going to have to go to (gasp) The Mall of America!  Noooooooooo!!!!  I avoid that place like kids avoid broccoli!  (Actually, my kids love broccoli, but you know what I was getting at.)  What if I still can't find anything?  Is it possible for me to go shopping at THE largest indoor mall in this country and still come home empty handed?  And once I find something I think I like, how do I know I don't look like I'm trying too hard to look young(er than I am) and cute?

Ugh!  Is going out dancing really worth all of this stress?  Maybe I should just stay in with a bottle of wine... (Sigh)

Almost in Full Swing

As we all know, September is a month of beginnings.  In my family, September brings the beginning of school, the beginning of homework (and homework completion battles), the beginning of scouting, the beginning of fall (my favorite!), and the beginning of religion.

This year, the youth coordinator at our church sent out a questionaire for the kids to fill out prior to religion starting.  The questions were random, but great!  So, I'm going to answer....

1. If you could do something really heroic, what would you do?
Eliminate malpractice suits and insurance companies so healthcare could be afforable for all... (Think Little House on the Prairie style!)

2. What is your favorite thing that begins with the letter "H"?
I'm going to go with The Girl on this one and say HUGS

3. What are three jobs that you think might be really fun to have someday?

• Rock Star
• Food Critic
• Actress

4. If you could change one rule that your parents have set for you, what would it be?
(The Girl - she's 9 - said not being allowed to wear make-up.  The Boy said bedtime.)
I don't really remember having many rules as a kid (that I followed, anyway), but it always frustrated me that I wasn't allowed to drive north of the Minnesota River until I had my license for a year.  Really, Mom?!?  I can drive to Iowa?  Texas?  Nebraska?  Illinois?  But I'm not allowed to cross the river and go to Bloomington, Minneapolis, or St. Paul?  Brilliant!

5. Have you ever faced a bully?  How did you handle it?
I was married to a bully.  I left, at 4 months pregnant with our 2nd child.  He died when she was 6 months old.  We were still married, but divorce was inevitable had he not died...

6. If you could have any superpower, what would you have or what would you use?
Ooooh, this one ties in with Moxie Media's Writer's Workshop!  If I could have any superpower, it would be the ability to decipher bullshit and know the truth!  I would use it to determine when the kids a lying, to know a man's intentions, to know who extended the invitation when the drama llama comes to town, etc!  I would love this superpower to death, as it would safe me a lot of time and frustration in my home life, my dating life, and my friend life!

7. What is your favorite day of the year?  Why?
My favorite day of the year... Hmmm...  That's a toughie.  I don't know that it is a specific date.  My favorite day of the year is any day my amazing family of 3 can spend an entire day together having fun - and NO FIGHTING!  I love, love, love that day!

8. If you could invent anything you wanted, what would it be?
A money tree that bloomed frequently and could be harvested daily.

9. In your opinion, what is the most boring thing to do?  What is something you could do to make it more exciting?
The Most Boring...  I'm going to have to go with fold laundry.  Folding laundry is by far the bain of my existence.  I'm not really sure if it is possible to make it more fun.  Maybe if I had Mary Poppins' magical ability to play "Tidy Up the Nursery" and could change the name of the game to "Fold and Put Away All of the Laundry", then MAYBE it would be more exciting...  Maybe...

10. When you meet other kids for the first time, what is one thing you usually want to know about them right away?
Do you have an attractive, successful, and emotionally available single father?  Oh, wait!  I really want to know if they are kind to other people.  I don't like my kids hanging out with jerks.

11. If you could start your own company today, one that would be run entirely by kids, what would your business make and sell?
I'm pretty sure there are all kinds of labor laws that would not allow this to EVER happen (thanks a lot, Upton Sinclair), but a confectionary would be cool...

12. What is one thing you are pretty certain you will be good at when you get older?
I'm pretty ceratin I will still be darn good at baking (and eating what I bake) when I get older!

Hahaha!  That was fun!  You should try it!

Seriously!?!?! How Long Have You Been Using the Toilet?!?!

My kids do a lot of things.  Some are great, some are rotten, most are forgivable.  But honestly, there is one thing I just can't get over.

Flush the freaking toilet!!!!

Really, is it so difficult?!?!

I remember, years ago, when The Boy was potty training (truthfully, I don't remember much - BFF was my daycare provider and I think she potty trained both of the kids) he was afraid to flush the toilet.  The sound the toilet made was terrifying to him.  But really, at 10 1/2, I'm confident fear is not a factor any more.

Whenever I find the toilet in said condition, both children vehemently deny being the responsible party.  What do I have to do to get them to change this behavior?  Do I need to start hanging signs around the bathroom?  "Please remember to flush the toilet!"  Do they leave the toilet unflushed when they are at a friend's?

I remember when I was little, we had septic.  My dad had a saying that went, "If it's yellow, let it mellow.  If it's brown, flush it down." (You'll come to learn, Dad has lots of sayings.)  Gross!  I know!  But septic needs to be flushed, and dad thought that would limit the frequency in which he would have to call the septic guys.

WE DON'T HAVE SEPTIC!!  We are on a fully functional city sewer system!!! 

I guess I should feel fortunate that my kids aren't the type to throw things down the toilet, but really, they need to learn to flush.  It's disgusting and I can't stand it.  Argh...

You Go, Girl!

Since I lost my super fancy professional job in April 2008, I have been bartending at a bar and grill in my hometown.  I know, it's glamorous.  Don't be jealous.  I'll give you a minute to check that....

So!  Since I have been bartending, I have met so many young, fabulous women!  Some of them are mamas, some of them are not, but they're fabulous none-the-less. 

Tonight, I happen to be baby-sitting for one of the fabulous mamas.  She is currently involved in a child-support issue with baby-daddy #2, and isn't able to afford her normal evening childcare.  It's all good, though!  I'm home and happy to help out.  I mean, after all, her oldest is the same age as The Boy and having him here will definately limit the antagonism of The Girl.  AND, her youngest is the ripe old age of 13 months!!  Can we say FREAKING CUTE!!!  It's been years since I've had a baby!!!!  I digress...

So, Fab Mama was done with work at 9:00.  I get a phone call asking if I would mind if she stayed for a glass of wine with another of the fab women we work with.  I'm just putting the kids to bed and say, "Heck no!  Every mama needs some wine once in awhile!"  She's grateful.  I put four children to bed.

It's 10:45.  I've just wasted an hour and a half of my life watching Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (it just came out today, Matthew McConaughey is the same guy as he was in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days - that movie was good, this one isn't so much - I'll never get that 90 minutes back) and I have a text message from Fab Mama.  She is wondering if I would mind if she has a 2nd glass of wine.  I say, "Drink up, sister!"  Yep, even more grateful.

Truth is, I bartend on Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday nights.  The kids sleep over at the baby-sitter's those nights.  If I'm done with work at a reasonable hour, I'm gonna hit the town!  I am MORE than happy to allow a fellow mama the same opportunity!  Mamas need kid-free time!!!  Fab Mama called me just before I started this post.  She met a man a week ago.  He popped in to see her.  She wants to go chat him up for a bit.  My response?  "Honey, have fun and wake me when you come for your babies.  This mama is gonna get some sleep."  (Need to save my energy for my time to play!)

The Joys of Children

My head is going to explode.

Really.

The Girl's therapist*, Sanity Support (SS), met us at home after school today. After school was starting out WAY better than before school. There was no fighting, no name calling, no antagonizing. I knew it was too good to be true.

SS was in The Girl's room with her. I'm not entirely sure what they were doing, but it was quiet and I was happy. It allowed time for The Boy and me to do some research on a charter school he is interested in attending next year. I don't really know what happened, but the next thing I know, The Girl is flailing across my bed screaming about a broken necklace. SS was as confused as I.

The tantrum escalated, and The Girl had somehow locked us out of the house and was throwing flashlights and picture frames at The Boy. SS and I stood at the window watching helplessly. The Boy, knowing that putting his hands on his sister (or any other girl, for that matter) is strictly forbidden, is skillfully dodging the figurative bullets. While The Girl was distracted with her target, I snuck around the side of the house and removed the sliding screen door to gain access to my home. Success!!! I grabbed The Girl and The Boy ran to the front door and let SS in!

After an hour of screaming and crying about a broken necklace, not being able to walk to school, not being allowed to cross the major road near our home when The Boy is allowed to (he went for a bike ride to calm down from his near death experience), not being able to find Softy (an old shirt that belonged to my late husband and she uses as a security blanket), and having a headache (all that screaming and crying will do that), one of her friends comes to the door. The Girl is miraculously cured of all her woes! "Mom! Can I go play!?!?"

Before giving permission, I quicky run through safety rules of playing outside. Her active mind is frequently clouded by the impulsivity and lack of concern for consequences that plagues most ODD children. After the obligatory eye rolls and "I know, Mom! Gosh!"'s, The Girl is out the door. Honestly, I know that I should know better, but I was truly upset when not more than 5 minutes later I find her crossing the street in the direction of her friend's house without having asked permission to go. (Safety Rule #3 - Children are not permitted to go to or into a friend's house without permission.) SS wishes me luck and a better evening and leaves.

While this is only a taste of my exciting evening, (yes, it got worse before it got better, but that's a whole other Oprah) I have a hard time sitting here remaining ticked off. Yes, I'm pretty sure my head is going to explode. Yes, I'd absolutely love a pitcher or two of margaritas, or maybe even a couple bottles of wine. But like I always tell myself, there is always someone out there that has it worse.

So we missed church choir practice tonight. So what. God forgives us. The Girl would have been more disruptive than participative anyway. Choir Director would be grateful for my choice not to go.

Homework is done, to the best of my knowledge. The Girl is in her room enjoying some alone time with Enya and The Three Amigos. The Boy is downstairs with the latest Spiderwick book and Chowder. Mom is having some "Mom Time" and all is quiet on the home front.

Life is good.

* The Girl was diagnosed in 2006 with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD). We have struggled for years searching for medications that help her impulse control and behavior and have yet to find one that helps without side effects. She has had multiple in-patient hospital stays, as well as therapy in an out-patient setting and in-home. We are currently exploring homeopathic and natural alternatives to treating her symptoms. I refuse to allow a diagnosis to define my daughter, and will be by her side fighting this battle for as long as necessary.