Fat Pants and Muffin Tops

I'm having a fat moment.  I can't really say a fat day, because I feel like it's lasting weeks.  I've decided that it's probably a bad thing that my belly (and sides) hang over my favorite jeans.  Something must be done.                    
                                                                          

The wonderful, nameless man I've been seeing works in a health club and keeps trying to get me to come work out.  I feel really weird about it, though.  First of all, there was a time in the not so distant past that I had a super serious case of exercise bulimia.  I was a nut!  I worked out 20+ hours a week and was never satisfied.  I have ZERO desire to become that obsessed ever again.  Secondly, I just think it would be a little uncomfortable to go work out where he works.  Don't you?  I mean, it's not like I have a membership (he has offered free memberships to three of my girlfriends, too, just to get me up there...) and I don't really want his employees to be all like, "Hey!  Isn't that the chick Bossman is dating?!"  I'm so not up for that.  AND how weird would it be to work out in front of a guy that you want to be interested in you??  I mean really?!?!  Stinky, sweaty exercise girl?  Ew.

So, after much contemplation, I have had to make some seriously tough decisions.  If I really want to lose this muffin top, I'm gonna have to make some sacrifices.  *sad panda*

1. Cut out the beer, wine, and vodka...  Ok, maybe only the sugary flavored vodka....

2. No Hot Tamales...  Or Swedish Fish...  Or candy period.  Damn it.

3. Stop eating delicious fried food (a.k.a Buffalo Wings) at ridiculous times of the night.

4. Add a little cardio to my life...  *Wink wink*  Maybe this weekend while the kids are gone would be a good time to fit that in....  I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.....

Better Days

So, I've been sporadic at best the last two weeks.  I was pretty sure my head was going to explode by Monday.  Tuesday night, after the kids were tucked tightly into their beds, I had some wine (2 bottles, ooopsie), watched some DVR'd TV (love, love, love Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends), and sorted my emotional shit...  I think...

That said, I'm back!  Last night, Bob Schneider rocked my world at The Varsity Theatre in Dinkytown.  He is my all time favorite live performer.  It's been three years since I've seen him.  I will not ever wait that long again.

Bob, rockin' the scarf

I'm not entirely sure why Ollie was in a bunny suit, BUT it made for some good laughs!

He's got skillz...  I dig it.

I'm flat broke, actually, more than broke, until Wednesday.  I think I learned a difficult lesson.  I now owe myself $1300.  I will pay it back. 

I've had no health insurance since October 1.  I need to get my but in gear and get all of my paperwork in the mail so insurance can be reinstated.  In addition, I am committing to myself to get any registration info in by December 15 so I can go back to school in the spring.  This fall has been an all time FAIL in productivity and I need to get myself back on track.

I did some bartering with a friend and now have a new water softner, chest freezer, and a keyboard with amp for The Girl for Christmas.  The Boy really wants an XBox.  I think, since I've pulled my head from my ass and will be more careful with my money, I will be able to swing it.

Glamour Girl is taking me to the Vikings game on Sunday.  That should be a blast.  The Boy is going camping this weekend with Cub Scouts (I need to go get him some extra gloves and hats.  It's his first winter camping experience!  I'm excited for him!), and The Girl has a hot date with her Godfather on Friday night.

I've decided I really like the man I've been seeing and I need to stop being shallow and letting stupid things stand in the way of getting to know him better.  He's very different than the typical man for me.  I'm beginning to think maybe that is good, but I'm not one to put the cart before the horse.  So here's to better attitudes and better moods!!!

It's Raining Men!!!

Miss Lucinda and I hit the town on Saturday night.  After I did the Trick-or-Treating rounds with 10 kids.  She dressed as a 50's housewife (think I Love Lucy, red hair and all!) and I dressed in 50's rockabilly. (It's Minnesota, folks, not the west coast.  It's the only time of year I can get away with rockabilly around here!)

Soooo, Miss Lucinda recently moved from the small town where I grew up to St. Paul.  We decided to take advantage of this and hit the St. Paul bars for Halloween.  We had so much fun!

First of all, it was so nice going out and not knowing everyone in the place! (Having grown up in and now bartending in said small town, it's difficult to move 3 inches without knowing someone.)  We were able to talk without interruption, dance without everyone jumping in, and have a "girls night" without any local drama.

The best part, though, was the new variety of eye candy!  I've decided the reason dating has been so difficult is because the majority of fish in my small pond are totally undesirable, familiar faces.  Boy, was there ever variety!  We met men from Morocco, Spain, Finland, and America.  The conversations were interesting and about way more than the stupid World Series (I'm a bitter Twins fan that LOATHES the Yankees.) and football (Yes, I love football, but there are more things worth talking about.).

The night ended with Miss Lucinda giving her number to super hot college Spanish teacher from Spain and me giving mine to The Karate Kid (Yummy lawyer that teaches American law in Spain part of the year.  His Halloween costume was the shower from The Karate Kid).

While we have both been talking to our respective Spanish speaking hotties, neither of us have solidified plans to seem them.  We were talking the other night about it and we both really want to, but....

As you all know, I have been spending time with a man I met at work.  While things have not been intimate, I know that he would be hurt to know I went out with someone else.  We haven't ever discussed "relationships", or where we are headed.  He has, however, made it very clear that he is very interested in me.

Miss Lucinda has also been spending time with someone else.  They too have not set any relationship boundaries, but she wants to be cautious.  She's not the type to be careless with someone's feelings. 

So for now, we choose to tread lightly...  But heres to yummy Spanish speaking men that want to take us out.  YUM!!!

Miss Lucinda

How Soon is Too Soon?

Dating is exciting.  It is also complicated, over-whelming, and a lot of work.
Parenthood is exciting.  It is also complicated, over-whelming, and a lot of work.

At what point do single parents mix those two things? 

I realize there is no solid, fool proof answer to this question, but I wonder.

Fab Mama called me on Wednesday night (Thursday morning) after I got home from work.  She had to take her 11 year-old to the ER.  Due to The Sickness running rampant, the doctors advised she not bring her 1 year-old along.  Baby daddy is 100% uninvolved, so I offered to take the baby here while she took care of her sicky.  When she told me a man she had begun dating about 3 weeks ago was going to the ER with them, I was thrown.  To me, that seems WAY too soon for kids and a love interest to be involved.

Over the years, I have dated and I have had boyfriends.  I have introduced my children to a few.  As they grow older, I've become more aware of how that can effect them.  I don't want my kids to have memories of their mom going through men like water.  I also want them to understand the importance of commitment.  I don't want them to grow up believing men leave.  But I still don't know how soon is too soon?

The man I've been spending time with (yes, he still needs a name...Any suggestions?) has a son the same age as The Boy.  His son lives in Colorado and will be here in December.  He has already started talking about all kinds of things we could do with the kids on his son's visit.  Whoa!  I mean, we've only been spending time together for 2 weeks.  We don't really have a relationship status and I am nowhere near ready for him to meet my kids.  Maybe this will have changed or evolved by December, I don't know, but at this point it seems too early to even talk about the possibility.

Am I crazy?  Too guarded?  Am I being too over protective?  Am I using it as an excuse to compartmentalize and not allow him to get too close?  All of these thoughts have crossed my mind.  One of my girlfriends even went as far as to say, "When it's right, you'll know and you won't have all of these questions."  I'm not sure I agree with that either.  Anyone care to weigh in?

And Then He Kissed Me...

Hahahahaha, when I was writing my post, this song came into my head and I had to provide the audio.  So enjoy! 

After much deliberation (and persuasion from the girls at work), I have been spending time with The Customer.  (Yeah, I know, he needs a better name, but I got nothin'.)  We spent the evening (I use the word loosely) together on both Friday and Saturday when I was done with work.  Needless to say, I was sleep deprived.  (I behaved!  Pull your heads out of the gutter!)  We also had drinks on Monday night and Tuesday night. 

I'm kind of taken a bit off guard by him...  He walks me to my car, opens doors, compliments me on my hair, my shoes, and my clothes.  And Tuesday was the first time he even attempted to kiss me.  So unlike most men.  (I discovered he has 5 sisters...  Hmmmmm....) 

Last night, while we were out, we ran into some of my girlfriends.  He was totally engaged in unprompted conversation with them.  He even invited them (and me) out for his birthday celebration next weekend...  I've never dated anyone that invited my girlfriends to hang out...  Especially only after a few dates. 

I have horseshit luck with men and have an innate ability to pick out the douchebags and losers.  Needless to say, I plan on taking this VERY SLOW.  (Especially since he is a patron at my place of employment.)  But I think I really like this guy.  He's funny and kind and he reminds me a lot of the man I married (the sober, un-narcissistic version that made me laugh hysterically and I really enjoyed spending time with).  With the exception of having poor taste in favorite sporting teams, he seems too good to be true....  Here's hoping he's not!!!

Plenty of Fish My Ass...

So, I've had a profile on an internet dating site for about 6 months now.  Ohmygosh!!!  Sometimes I wonder what the hell people think!!!

First of all, I get a lot of emails.  I will admit, in that forum, I am VERY shallow.  I look at the profile of the person emailing me and if I don't like the picture and the profile, I delete the email.  I mean, why not?  What obligation do I have to respond?  None.

Honestly though!  In 6 months I have come across 2 people I've felt had been worth talking to.  And I've only met one of them.  Most of the emails I get are from icky creeper types that are either A.) Old enough to be my dad or B.) Not someone I have anything in common with. 

Really, what I'd like to write in my profile is:
If you can't spell and you don't have a basic working knowledge of the English language, please don't write.
If your idea of a good profile picture has you holding an animal you shot or caught with a fishing rod, please don't write.
If you have more pictures of yourself with some type of automobile than with friends or family, please don't write.
If you state in your profile that you don't want kids, please don't write...  My profile clearly states I am a widow AND have two kids.
If you would never actually walk up to me and say hello in person, please don't write.
If you have children my age, please don't write.
P.S. A picture of you with a half dozen drunk ass chicks screams DOUCHEBAG.  Please don't write.

Maybe I'm an ass, but that's just the way I feel.  Is that so bad?

Things to Ponder From the Weekend

~  Did anyone else see the Pats lay the smack down in Foxboro yesterday?  What the crap?  Welcome back to football, Tom Brady.  It took you long enough!  Wish I wouldn't have cancelled that trip!  Would have loved to watch that game first hand!!!     

~  What's with Mother Nature's multiple personality disorder?  It was B-E-A-utiful here this weekend!   Let's hope it stays this way!

~  Why does The Boy find it necessary to call me at midnight from a sleepover to come pick him up?  It's not even like he does it everytime.  Just randomly.  No rhyme or reason.  Just, "Mom, can you come get me.  I'm ready to come home."  And then other times I have to call the following day to find out if he's ever coming home.  Weird.

~  When will I learn that my body likes me better after a night of drinking vodka than it does after a night of drinking beer?  And why do I think I can still party like it's 1999?  I'm not 21 anymore,  Boy does my body like to remind me.

~Apparently purple hair and black eyeliner makes me Goth.  What the hell is Goth anyway?  One of the teenagers at work said I'm too girly to be Goth and that the person who called me that is dumb.  Well, doi...  But really?  Are there really Gothy emos in their 30's?  Get a LIFE!

~  Yes, I said purple hair.  It's purple highlights, to be more specific.  I feel pretty, oh so pretty!

~  Dream Guy made me mad for the LAST time.  Stupid man.

~  What a great weekend to catch up on my TV watching.  DVR is AMAZING!  I got to watch The Forgotten, Flash Forward, Psych, Raising the Bar, and enough Burn Notice to get my Jeffery Donovan fix for the rest of October.  (Yum!  Notice a theme? Christian Slater, Joseph Fiennes, James Roday, Mark Paul Gosselar, and Jeffery Donovan.  Hehehe!)

~  Should I say yes if the customer from work asks me out?  He seems very nice, but he reminds me a lot of the late hubby. 

So many things to ponder...

How was your weekend?

Banging My Head Against the Wall

Dream Guy invited me to a movie.  We've never been to a movie together.  We've attempted to watch plenty of movies together, but have never actually gone to one.

Neither one of us likes scary movies, but we both love the paranormal.  We watch Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures, and other random shows having to do with the paranormal. 

So, Dream Guy sent me a text the other day that said, "Paranormal Activity.  I want to see it.  You need to come with."  Mind you, I haven't heard from Dream Guy in weeks.  My response?  "Ummmm...  Ok?"  Nothing more was said...  Until last night.  I got another text that said, "Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday.  Lady's choice. 7 or 9:50."  I was a bit taken aback, but simply responded, "7 Tuesday"  To which Dream Guy responds, "Yay!  I'm so excited!"

Am I completely retarded or did I miss something here?  This man goes weeks without talking to me, invites me to a movie, and is excited to see me?  WTH?  Where have you been, Dream Guy?  I certainly haven't gone anywhere.

Part of me wants to shoot him a text at 6:45 on Tuesday and tell him I'm not available.  Unfortunately, I'm completely smitten with this stupid man and I know that I won't do it.  I do know that something has gotta give, though.  Dream Guy is gonna have to make a choice - Just Friends or More Than Friends.  I'm fine with either choice.  Obviously I'd prefer one over the other, but I'm fine with either.  I guess in the meantime I'll just try to figure out how on Earth we're going to make it through a scary movie WITHOUT clutching desperately to one another...

D-d-d-d-dating!?!?!

I can honestly say that I suck at dating.

I serial dated for a while, after my husband died.  That was easy.  I was in a complete unattachment mode, so the men that I dated were just time killers and space fillers.  Sad, but true.

In the last five years, I have had three boyfriends.  I was with Chef for three of those years.  We broke up last August when wedding planning spooked him.  We would be getting married in 9 days.  The fun part is, we are really great friends.

Dating Chef, and then Iowa for 6 months after him, changed the way I look at dating.  I realized, while dating these men, that I am looking for more than a dinner companion.  I don't want a buddy to go to the movies with, or someone to buy me drinks when we're out.  I want a partner.

So how do I define what I am looking for?  And how long does it take to determine?  When I spend time with Dream Guy, everything seems to click.  Conversation is easy, silence is easy, everything is easy and comfortable.  Sadly, our timelines are completely out of wack.  I'm looking for someone to share life with, he wants to see what's out there.  While I know I need to cut that loss and be okay with only being friends (which I totally am!  I'm so not willing to throw away 15 years of friendship!), it frustrates me to know I have to continue trying to find that ease and comfort with someone else.

I feel like dating is a job.  I wonder sometimes where to fit it in.  I strive to not let my motherhood define me, as I am more than just a mom.  However, my commitments to my kids do take priority over commitments to people I may or may not want a relationship with.  Or maybe I use my commitment to my children as an excuse to not honor a commitment to myself.  I dunno.... 

What I do know is while parenting The Boy and The Girl is the most rewarding role I've ever had, at some point they will take a life path of their own.  And when they do, I know that I would like to have someone by my side as a partner in my continued journey.  My kids are still young and I have plenty of time, but I feel like it would be nice to have someone along for the ride while the memories of this part of the journey are being made.

Never A Dull Moment

There are all kinds of methods one can use to pick someone up in a bar.  Especially when the one you're trying to pick up is required by means of their employment to talk to you.

Generally speaking, I'm not one to get hit on.  When I am out with my girlfriends, I serve the purpose of a bouncer at a velvet rope night club and determine which of the wanna-be suitors and/or dance partners are worthy of my beautiful friends.

There are two situations in which I have had someone buy me a drink.  A). It's someone's turn to buy a round, or 2). A guy is trying to "make a good impression" while attempting to talk to one of my girlfriends.  I find it all rather humorous.  I've always been just one of the guys, so the idea of being hit on is highly entertaining.

SO...  Friday night, I was at work, like I usually am on Friday nights.  I happened to be discussing the greatness of the Minnesota Twins and New England Patriots in the Bledsoe days with a young man sitting at the bar.  Mid conversation, a large group of twenty-something guys walk in and take over my bar.  They carry on in a loud, rowdy manner.  They were actually quite fun, but after a couple of hours they decided to hop their way on over to the bar across the street.  While cleaning up my bar, I come across this...

(In case you can't see it, it says, "This might be a little forward but I would like to get to know you more.  CALL ME - Brian 123-456-7890)

Ok, Brian is the real name, the phone # is OBVIOUSLY made up - by me.

This is by far the funniest thing that has ever happened to me while at work.  I truly did laugh out loud.  I  mean really?!?!?  That's how you pick up women?  Not only is it cheesy and passive, it demonstrates lack of confidence AND the grammar and punctuation is bad!  (Ok, I'll admit, I don't expect a literary masterpiece - especially on the back of a dollar - but if I'm gonna tear the guy down, I may as well do it thoroughly.)

The funniest part is, someone had told this guy that I literally laughed out loud at his demonstration of interest!  He came back and called me on it, too!!!  I was sooo busted!  He asked for the dollar back, said he would trade me for one that wasn't written on, if I had no intention of calling.  I certainly couldn't allow that to happen!  Then what would I show you?!?!  So I told him, "Well of course I laughed.  There were at least 8 of you in here and I find a dollar bill with a name and phone number asking me to call?  I thought it was funny because there was no way for me to know who I was calling."

I did tell him that I probably wouldn't call, so I didn't lead the guy on, but really?  If you wanted to talk to me that badly, wouldn't it have been far easier to say, "Hello."?

Men Really Are From Mars!

Dating may very well be the single most frustrating activity around. 

Okay, parenting is.  But add dating on top of parenting and it's a wonder I don't live in a padded room.

About 5 months ago, I reconnected with an old friend from high school.  I call him Dream Guy.  When we were teenagers, Dream Guy had a colossal crush on me.  We were always friends, but that was it.  Fast forward 16 years, add marriage, kids, divorce (or death of a spouse in my case), and a few boyfriends/girlfriends...

When we started spending time together, both Dream Guy and I had just gotten out of some serious dating relationships.  We were spending time together at least two nights a week, in true long-lost friend fashion.  We talked about EVERYTHING!  My family, my marriage, my kids, dating experiences I've had over the years, his marriage, his daughter, his family, and his experiences with dating and being single.  It was great!  There was no pressure, no expectations.  We were old friends catching up and having a great time.

Then came complications...

It was clear to both of us that there was more than friendship brewing.  While I was fine with that idea, Dream Guy was a bit frightened by it.  The great part was, we talked openly about it.

Our time together has always been very comfortable and very easy.  The frustrating part is, I haven't talked to Dream Guy in almost two weeks.  The last time we talked was a Saturday night.  I had just gotten off of work (I closed at the bar) and Dream Guy had called.  He was at a party his younger brother was having and he was sad that I wasn't there with him.  He said he was having fun, but he missed my laugh and wished I could have come. 

While it's very true that I also missed him (and do now), he had never said such things to me.  I told him that those were very nice things to hear and that I looked forward to seeing him very soon.  We haven't talked since then.  We've texted back and forth a few times, but no talk.

HOW FRUSTRATING!!!

I'm not one to be pushy and I am certainly not about to chase a man.  But honestly, what do I do in this situation?!?!  I am truly ok with just being friends.  I am seriously in like with Dream Guy, but I can live with just friends.  I realize that we are both very busy people, I just wish there was a way to hear the sound of his voice and know where we're at.  Is that insane?  Is it asking too much?  Any suggestions?