Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Not My Kids

I will never claim to be the perfect mother.  I am so far from it.  In all honesty, some days I wonder how we all made it through alive.  I'm not even kind of exaggerating.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids.  They are my everything.  That doesn't me there are days that I don't like them.

The Girl has multiple mental/behavioral health diagnosis.  She has been in both in and out patient treatment facilities.  We have done trial and error with every schedule II drug known to the pharmaceutical community.  (I think we have finally found one that helps.)  I have literally had my ass kicked by her multiple times, have called the police on her more than once, have had the police called on me, and have been with her to many, many, many therapists.  As frustrated and angry, as hurt and heart broken as I get with her, there is no limit to how far I will go to keep her safe.  She is my world.

The Boy is a narcissistic know it all with zero humility.  He is witty, smart, funny, loving, and infuriating.  Although the problems I have with him pale in comparison to those with The Girl, they are still overwhelming.  He reminds me of me.  A lot.  He can be sharp tongued and nasty, but again, there is no limit to my love.  He is my world.

On Tuesday nights, I babysit the two children of Fab Mama, one of the women I work with...  My home is also frequently Kid-a-Palooza.  The Girl's BF lives across the field from us.  The BF has an older and a younger sister who also spend a ton of time here.  I adore these girls.  Their mother, on the other hand, I'm not so sure about.

Every school morning, the BF comes over around 7:00 a.m.  We do not have bus service to our school, so I drive my kids.  The BF was supposed to be a walker, but since I am already going that way, I offered to drive her.  A couple weeks into the school year, she started asking for rides home, too.  Except that home was my house.  Often times she (and her older sister) are here after school.  At least 3 days a week, the little sister gets dropped off here around 5:00 p.m. to play - by their mother. 

While I am fine with all of the kids playing here, the mother has not really ever spoken with me about this.  Every morning, I feed her 4th grader breakfast.  Several days a week, I serve as an after school play center for her 4th and 6th graders.  In addition to that, she drops her 4 year-old off here when she comes home from work.  There is no communication regarding when the girls should come home, and many days they all eat dinner here.

Tonight, the 4th and 6th grader are spending the night.  The 4th grader has come down a few times complaining of a headache.  I have called the mother, I have texted the mother - multiple times.  She has not responded once.  WTH!  How can I in good conscience give any medicine to this poor girl if her freaking mother won't call me back?!?!?  I'm pissed!  I don't want to not let these girls into my home because their mother is a flake, but she needs to call me back!!! 

I'm hoping that someone out there in the blogosphere can offer me up some advice....



14 comments:

Silly Bus said...

Thank you for another insightful post!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

I have been in a similar position and luckily, the kid moved before I had an occasion to address it. I think a calm, non-accusational conversation where you ask her for improved communication around the kids is in order. Explain that you need to know times and dates of their comings and goings and need to know how/where to contact her. It's fair to ask for and if treated like a request or favor, then hopefully she won't take offense. Good luck.

Daffy said...

Wowsers....how can any parent in good conscience drop their kids off without leaving an avenue to be contacted? REALLY? Pisses me off...

I'd be talking to her too! Of course, not wanting to ruin the opportunity for the kids would be my grounder for remaining civil :O) Teeheee

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

I have been taken advantage of by parents, too, you really need to put your foot down.

blueviolet said...

You're clearly a caring person, but it sure sounds as if she's taking advantage of you. It seems to be getting progressively worse. She's going to keep pushing if you allow it. I'd probably address it. Maybe at the time she's dropping off a child, you can run out there to her car and talk to her.

Shaunells Hair said...

Um, I have a similar issue with my neighbor and some kids I babysit. Why are some moms clueless? Short of being rude and yelling at them, what can you do? But some situations call for extreme action, as this one seems to warrant. Gather that frustration and have an open frank talk--when she's in the middle of dropping off that child. Good lUck! Trying to figure out my own!

Charmaine said...

Don't waste your time getting mad at that mother. You...YOU are literally saving her kids. You're a hero.

I'm humbled to have met you.

Kids flock to where there is love. There will be two less serial killers...cuz of you.

Cat said...

I'm with blueviolet, I would catch her at a drop off and talk. Be there for the kids if you can, but you can't sacrifice your relationships within your family to provide for other children. If you can, great. But don't feel bad. You're busy and trying to get by, and this woman is using you.

kys said...

You'd better nip this in the bud before it gets worse. I would def. let her know that you have to be able to contact her at all times if her child is with you. That kind of thing freaks me out. I'm a worry-er.

Melissa aka Equidae said...

passed by from SITS...may I suggest that you go to their home and speak to her directly since phones etc are not replied to?

Shell said...

I can't imagine expecting someone else to take care of my kids for me like that.

I would have a week where I would not be home in the afternoons at all- make up various reasons to not be there, and then hopefully that helps break the cycle a bit.

Michele said...

Wow, I am in awe of you. Seriously, you have handled, and continue to "handle" things in life most of us will never experience, or understand. What a truly incredible woman you are!!

As for the mother that wont call you back, I would put my foot down, and "hard". This woman is using you. Do what you can for the kids, but don't feel bad. How much can one woman take. Your relationship with your children is much more important.

You rock!!!

Holly Ann said...

I can relate to your situation and i hope offer you a bit of advice... i too feel like the adoptive mother of all my daughters friends... it can be overwhelming at times but it is truly more rewarding than burdening... when my children were around 5 and 7 we had a little boy that lived down the street who was always at our house... he ate with us, he stayed with us ~ one night i found him alone on our porch at 9:00 at night because he didn't want to go home... his "parents" were not approachable... when i finally made the decision that abuse was a factor in this childs life i called social services to check this family out... they literally moved overnight and i, 10 years later, am still haunted by this... now i am not saying that your situation is the same but i have often thought that if i could have just taken him in and cared for him that they wouldn't have moved and i would know that he is ok... so my advice that i offer is that if it truly is not a burden on you or your family that you continue to do what you have been and it will be returned to you 10 fold... there are children in this world who need more people like yourself that take them in unconditionally and graciously...

and i feel like you have written about my life in this post... i have a son that is the same as your daughter... you must be a very strong woman, you would have to be...

Two Normal Moms said...

Yeah, their mom is a flake. She's not a good parent. And even if you talk to her and she stops sending her kids over, she won't be a good parent. You, on the other hand, are a good parent. I'm sure you didn't ask to and don't need to parent someone else's kids. But sometimes, shit happens, and those kids will grow up and remember you for the rest of their lives. They will remember the safety and stability that your home provided. Sometimes it really does take a damn village.
***Ally

Related Posts with Thumbnails