River

It's been 16 long years since one of the world's brightest stars faded.  He was my original bad boy crush.  His face covered the walls of my room.  I remember sitting in the locker room of my high school after 2nd hour Phy Ed when I heard the news.  I cried.

River Phoenix...  Gone but never forgotten...

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

This is me today.  I feel like I'm losing my mind.  I am so tired of arguing kids.  I am so tired of their nasty little sense of entitlement.  I am so tired of repeating myself.  Over and over and over and over again.  I'm tired of WWIII breaking out soley on the premise that math homework is cruel and unusual punishment.  I'm tired of walking into my living room to find it littered with dishes, cups, and wrappers from whatever they've decided to help themselves to.

The Boy was invited to a birthday party and a sleepover.  He said yes to the party and now wants to cancel and go to the sleepover so he doesn't end up a the baby-sitter's on Friday night.  My opinion - How Freaking Rude!  Am I wrong for telling him he will go to the party and go to the baby-sitter's and like it? Period.

I feel like EVERY TIME I turn around The Girl wants something.  Mom, can I have this, Mom can I have that.  Mom, buy this.  Mom, I can't live without that.  NO!!!!  Clean your freaking room for once!  Do your G.D. chores without a war ensuing!  Follow the rules of our household!  THEN...  MAYBE... I will buy you that stupid thing you want.

They are driving me insane!

I feel like everything I say about them is negative.  I feel like I am willing to do anything to get away from them.  I hate feeling this way.  I hate that talking to them seems less appealing than listening to a looped recording of fingernails on a blackboard.

Bedtime is in 20 minutes.  I just need them to go to sleep.  And I need a glass of wine.

Maybe a bottle...

And Then He Kissed Me...

Hahahahaha, when I was writing my post, this song came into my head and I had to provide the audio.  So enjoy! 

After much deliberation (and persuasion from the girls at work), I have been spending time with The Customer.  (Yeah, I know, he needs a better name, but I got nothin'.)  We spent the evening (I use the word loosely) together on both Friday and Saturday when I was done with work.  Needless to say, I was sleep deprived.  (I behaved!  Pull your heads out of the gutter!)  We also had drinks on Monday night and Tuesday night. 

I'm kind of taken a bit off guard by him...  He walks me to my car, opens doors, compliments me on my hair, my shoes, and my clothes.  And Tuesday was the first time he even attempted to kiss me.  So unlike most men.  (I discovered he has 5 sisters...  Hmmmmm....) 

Last night, while we were out, we ran into some of my girlfriends.  He was totally engaged in unprompted conversation with them.  He even invited them (and me) out for his birthday celebration next weekend...  I've never dated anyone that invited my girlfriends to hang out...  Especially only after a few dates. 

I have horseshit luck with men and have an innate ability to pick out the douchebags and losers.  Needless to say, I plan on taking this VERY SLOW.  (Especially since he is a patron at my place of employment.)  But I think I really like this guy.  He's funny and kind and he reminds me a lot of the man I married (the sober, un-narcissistic version that made me laugh hysterically and I really enjoyed spending time with).  With the exception of having poor taste in favorite sporting teams, he seems too good to be true....  Here's hoping he's not!!!

What to Do With All of That Candy?!?!

It's the final countdown to the greatest day of the year, according to me...  HALLOWEEN!!!!  Unfortunately, in the wake of the greatest holiday ever, I find myself at war.  With all of the loot candy the kids have collected, I find myself arguing and rationing acceptable daily allotments and often times bust The Girl for sneaking more than I feel she should have in a day.  Grrrrr...

This year, however, that will NOT be the case.  Why, you ask?  Because if there is one thing The Girl likes better than candy, it's MONEY!!!

It was brought to my attention early this week that there is a really SWEET program called Halloween Candy Buy Back.  This program buys candy from kids under the age of 12 for $1 a pound (up to 3#)!!!  How sweet is that!  In the Twin Cities area, where I live, Metro Dentalcare is hosting this program at 13 of their locations!  The buy back will run on Monday, November 2 from 4p.m. - 7p.m.  In addition to buying candy from your shorties, Metro Dentalcare will be giving out free toothbrushes, toothpaste, and educational materials to promote dental health! (Did you know that cavities are the most prevalent disease in American children today!!!  Yikes!)  The candy purchased by Metro Dentalcare will donated to three separate charities - Operation Gratitude, which sends care packages to soldiers serving overseas, Second Harvest Heartland, a local food bank that supplies food to food shelves in  Minnesota and Wisconsin, and The Harriet Tubman Center, a shelter in Minneapolis.

When looking into the national program, I discovered that dental offices around the country are doing the same thing on the same day and donating candy to very similar types of organizatons.  By going to http://www.metro-dentalcare.com/, you can find the 11 participating locations in the Twin Cities.  Or if you don't live in Minnesota (I know a lot of you don't), you can go to http://www.halloweencandybuyback.com/, enter your zip code and find a participating dentist near you!

I'm so excited for next Tuesday!  My kids and I will DEFINATELY be participating!  Maybe, finally the post-Halloween candy wars won't ravage my home!!!!!

Super Slacker!!!

Hello my bloggy friends! I want to apologize for being such a slacker this weekend!  I honestly have been a terrible bloggy friend.  Not only did no one hear from me all weekend, but I haven't read a single post from anyone since Friday *lowering head shamefully*.  I have no excuse, except maybe lack of sleep, but that's a whole other Oprah.  (Don't go getting any ideas out there, I behaved!)

I want to apologize to my girlfriends for not having any super sexy posts of one of the very yummy men that graces The List yesterday.  I promise to make up for it.  Right now!

I'm confident that some of you out there may gasp when you read my next statement, BUT....

Who needs Captain Jack Sparrow when you have Will Turner!?!?!?

Can you say YUM!!!

What is it about the apparently brooding man that is probably no good for you that is so enticing?  I've always wondered.  But really?  Look at this man!

It looks as though there is plenty of room for me to snuggle up tight with him and his puppy dawg.

And what an intense stare.  Orlando, your eyes say it all.

Mmmmmmmmm....

I know this post isn't super content worthy.  I wonder how many times I used the word super in this post.  I'll have to go back and count...  I promise to be back later this afternoon with something less drool inducing.  In the meantime, happy fantasies (except for you, Mike ; ) ) and I be back later...  I have some reading to do!

I'm a Yeller

I'm a yeller.  My dad was a yeller, his mom was a yeller.  We have generations of yellers in our family.

I have read tons of books on parenting.  I've read books on understanding ADHD and ODD.  I've read books on natural consequences.  I have read books on conflict resolution.  And I have read books on coping with "spirited children".  In the years my family has been working with therapists, I have been provided with a tons of parental coaching to learn how to not yell.

Today, I read a couple of articles about yelling and the effect on children. Dr. Janet Taylor says that yelling contributes to higher rates of delinquency and psychological problems.  An article in the New York Times says that yelling may be the new spanking.  It says that two-thirds of the people interviewed on the topic say yelling is their biggest guilt inducer.  Yelling.  Not spanking.  Not missing a school event.  Not working too much.  Yelling.

I guess I'm in the minority third.  Now, if while yelling, I were berating my child and tearing them apart as a person, I would most likely feel guilty.  But I'm not.  Thanks to parental coaching, I have learned how to identify at what point I'm going to flip my lid.  In therapy, my kids created a scale, the Anger Scale.  It's a 0-5 scale they created to identify different levels of frustration.  We all use it, albeit none of us are 100% consistent.  When I get to a 5, I'm yelling.  My kids are warned when I get to a 2.  They get a stern knock it off at 3.  At 4, they are warned that I've reached my last straw.  They are given MANY chances to change their behaviors before I blow.  Why on Earth would I feel guilty if they have chosen to squander their chances to make better choices?  Isn't it my job as their mom to teach them to be accountable for their actions?  They know the series of events.  They know what happens when mom reaches her boiling point.  They need to learn how to use their warnings and change their behaviors before I get to that point.

Again, if I were calling them names, that would be bad.  If I were screaming hate-filled things that was demoralizing and hurtful, that would be uncalled for.  What I am doing is screaming.  I'm screaming things like, "How many flipping times do you need to be told to knock it off?!?!" or "Honestly!  Did you not hear me when I told you I am beyond frustrated with your actions right now?!?!?" or "Really!  You're going to keep doing that after you have been repeatedly told to cut it out?!?!"

Someone please explain to me how that is psychological aggression?  I think that their unwillingness to change their behavior and continue tormenting me and often times one another is far more detrimental to all of our psyches than me hollering at them for it.  Anyone else care to weigh in on this?  Am I out of my mind?  Am I causing irreversible damage to the two most important people in my world?

Boycott Thursdays

I hate Thursdays.  See that uber grumpy face on that otherwise adorable teddy bear?  That's my face on a Thursday morning. 

Don't get me wrong, Thursday has never really ever done anything to me.  I just really don't like it.  See, I bartend on Wednesday nights.  When I get home, it is generally around 2:00 a.m.  I need normally about another half hour to wind down, putting me in bed by 2:30.  My alarm goes off at 6:30.  Ugh.

The babysitter drops my kids and her son (Little Buddy) off at 7:00.  The Girl's BFF shows up around 7:05.  I get to make breakfast for 4 kids and have 3 of them to school by 8:20.  All I want to do is sleep.

Today, The Boy stayed home from school.  He and Little Buddy watched cartoons while my lazy arse slept on the couch.  The Boy even made lunch from Little Buddy and himself.  They woke me at 12:00 to take Little Buddy to school.  So here I sit, still in my jammies, a half a pot of coffee in me, telling you how much I hate Thursday.  Thanks for listening ;)

It's An Award! Honest!

Last night, as I was getting ready for bed, I received a comment from my bloggy friend FeliciaE over at Living Just Like Grandma.  She wanted to let me know show had bestowed the honor of an award on me.  I got really excited!  I mean, really?!?!?  Who doesn't LOVE awards?!? (If you say you don't, I'm calling you a big, fat liar!)  Even more exciting, it's the Honest Scrap award.  I don't know who started this award, but I've been DYING to get it!  Weird, I know, but I love, love, love the graphic.  Call me crazy...  So thank you SOOOO  much Felicia!  I will display it proudly!

Here are the rules:

1.) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged me.

2.) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.

3.) Share "10 Honest Things" about myself.

So, here it goes!!!

Daffy at Batcrap Crazy - She's a new bloggy friend.  I know she already has this award, but she makes me laugh, so I'm awarding her again.

Nancy at If Evolution Really Works - Again, I know she already has this one, but she cracks me up and I wanted to show her a little love and gratitude.

Leigh at Leigh vs. Laundry - What can I say?  I mean really?  A pegasus in the salsa?  She's gotta be amazing to be raising a kid with an imagination like that!

Charmaine at Middle Aged Dating - You've gotta love a woman that bulldozes an ungrateful's place...  Hehehe!  Can I borrow your bulldozer, please?

Lisa Anne at Smell the Coffee Lisa - One again, she already has this award, but since I've been following her, I've come to the conclusion there is nothing this woman can't do!

Lunhatikk at Attitude of Gratitude - Not only is it damn hard to be that grateful all of the time, she is a kick arse face/body painter.

Amy at My LaLa Land - An adorable, 20-something, non-mommy blogger I heart.

Now for 10 Honest Things About Myself

1. I never wanted to be a mom, but my kids are my whole world and the force that drives my lazy butt out of bed every day.  They are the cheese to my macaroni.

2. I am involved in animal rescue, mostly bully breeds, and have had over 100 different foster dogs in the last 10 years.  Check out Underdog Rescue.  It was started and is run by my friend Shannon.

3. I was laid off last April (2008).  I have no desire to go back to work full time.

4. I'm looking into going back to school in the spring.  I always wanted to be a veterinarian.  Marriage and kids halted that...

5. I am a movie junkie.  I own over 300 DVDs, still have an extensive VHS collection, AND DVR tons of movies weekly.  Being an only parent only enables this addiction.  (Hey!  It's better than crack!)

6. I love trying new beers.  When I travel, I always try local or regional microbrews.  My favorite beer (currently) is Spotted Cow from New Glarus, WI.

7. I am a REALLY BIG DORK.  I love sci-fi and fantasy.  I watch Star Wars (The Clone Wars cartoons), read Tolkien, and love things like The Dark Crystal.

8. I was supposed to get married this year (10.17.09 to be exact).  My ex-beau (Chef) is 7 years younger than me and is probably one of my best friends in the whole wide world.  I love him very much but think he is too young to settle down.

9. I have two brothers.  Redneck Brother and Baby Brother.  Redneck Brother lives about 15 minutes away from me and I see him maybe  a dozen times a year.  His wife was diagnosed with breast cancer last week.  Please pray for them.  Baby Brother lives in Chicagoland with his wife (Wonder Woman).  They are high school sweethearts and have 4 B-E-A-Utiful boys that I adore.

10. I believe that my husband's death was a blessing in disguise.  Some feel that is callus, but I don't care.  My kids don't have to live with his demons and broken promises.  I think that is far healthier than having a crackhead dad that pops in and out at his convenience leaving a wake of heartache in his path.

So, that's that!  Check out the 7 fabulous women I listed above and have an amazing day!

Dream a Little Dream

"Everything that is or was began with a dream." ~ Lavagirl

Our founding fathers had a dream.  The Wright Brothers had a dream.  Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream.  I think some pretty great things came from these dreams.

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a ballerina.  Mind you, I can't dance.  I've never taken a dance class in my life.  I was 3.

When I was in elementary school, I dreamed of being an actress and model.  I had head shots taken, I got involved in community theatre, I went on auditions and casting calls.  As a teenager, I even went to LA for pilot season to get experience with on camera auditioning.  My dad asked me, "What will you do for a real job?"  I stopped chasing that dream.

In 6th grade, I dreamed of one day going to UCLA.  For spring break that year, we went to Southern California.  My dad took me to tour UCLA.  To him, that was a practical dream.  He would give me news articles on women like Paula Zahn and would always tell me, "Naked people don't run the country."  (He gave me Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People when I was in 4th grade.)  Although his dream consisted of scholarships and law school, mine leaned more toward theatre programs and music.

When I was 16, I started attending the University of Minnesota.  I dreamed of freedom from my parents.  Escaping the reality of their divorce and my dad and Baby Brother moving far away.  My parents dreamed of academic overachievement and a future riddled with successes.  I drank a lot and smoked a lot.  I quit college at 19.

I look at my life today and it does not at all coincide with the dreams I had.  I love my life.  Are there things I would like to be different?  Yes.  I would like to be more financially secure.  I would like to have a life partner.  I wish I better understood ADHD, ODD, Schedule II prescription drugs, how nutrition affects the physiology of a developing brain.  I wish my kids got to see their grandparents more (which would mean I saw my parents more, yay!).  That's truly only the tip of the ice berg.  But would I change anything of my past?  Do I have regrets?  Absolutely NOT!  All of those things -the good, the bad, the ugly- make me the woman I am today, and I really like me!  Sure, I am FAR from perfect, but only one man could walk on water and I am not 2009+ years old (and I'm not a man!).

What are your dreams?  Is your life close to what you envisioned or so far from it?

Single Parent vs. Only Parent

I was reading a post today on Mom Logic about the term single mom.  The author seemed to think that term was thrown around too loosely and by it being so widely used, the meaning of the term has been diminshed.  In her post, she decided that parents that are raising their kids without a co-parent should begin calling themselves only parents.

I am a widow.  My husband, the father of my children, comitted suicide 8 years ago.  Before you start feeling all kinds of sympathy, let me tell you, my marriage was less than functional.  I left him when I was 4 months pregnant with The Girl.  In the last year of his life, I put him in treatment 5 times.  He relapsed 5 times.  I finally decided I couldn't raise my children in a home filled with his demons.  When The Girl was 6 months old (The Boy was 2), I told him I was filing for divorce.  He was found dead in a hotel room in Colorado 2 weeks later (that's a whole other Oprah).  At no point did I blame myself.  I was VERY angry for a very long time.  I had resolved myself to no longer being married to him.  I never thought for a second I would never see him again.

I have always called myself an only parent.  I have friends that are single parents.  To me, that term means a parent raising children in a home without an adult partner.  Most of my single parent friends have parenting schedules that allow them to be child-free every other weekend.  Some also have one weekday evening and extended time in the summer and over school breaks.  I have never had anything like that.

In addition to not having someone to co-parent with, I don't have family in the area to help.  I truly am on my own.  Over the years, I have developed friendships with other women that don't have support systems.  We have become each other's support systems.  It works, but it's not the same as having actively involved grandparents, aunts, and uncles.

I look at some of the co-parenting arrangements some of my single parent friends have and I can honestly say, I have it good.  BFF is currently going through a VERY nasty divorce.  The man (I use that term loosely) she is divorcing has done everything in his power to drive a wedge between BFF and her oldest boy.  In addition, they are completely unable to communicate (she has a restraining order against him) AND he actively tells their children they don't have to follow her directions or rules.  (The scary thing is the courts are actually going to give him these kids because they don't think it's in their best interest to move up north!  WTF!  That too is a whole other Oprah.)

While I realize that most co-parenting relationships are far more civil than this, it begs the question is it really more difficult to co-parent than it is to be an only parent?  I for one am very glad that I don't have to rely on my children's father for ANYTHING (not that I had a choice).  While I spent years being angry that I was "robbed" of that option (as well as my kids being robbed of knowing their dad), I have come to be grateful of my situation.  While I would love to have a partner in life, living in my home, and acting as a support in raising my kids, I am glad I don't have to "make nice" with someone for the sake of my kids and rely on someone that couldn't hold true to their commitments to me to hold true to their commitments to the most important people in my life.

That said, for all of you that can co-parent amicably - THAT IS AWESOME!  I wish every parent had their child's best interest in mind!  You deserve a HUGE pat on the back!

Plenty of Fish My Ass...

So, I've had a profile on an internet dating site for about 6 months now.  Ohmygosh!!!  Sometimes I wonder what the hell people think!!!

First of all, I get a lot of emails.  I will admit, in that forum, I am VERY shallow.  I look at the profile of the person emailing me and if I don't like the picture and the profile, I delete the email.  I mean, why not?  What obligation do I have to respond?  None.

Honestly though!  In 6 months I have come across 2 people I've felt had been worth talking to.  And I've only met one of them.  Most of the emails I get are from icky creeper types that are either A.) Old enough to be my dad or B.) Not someone I have anything in common with. 

Really, what I'd like to write in my profile is:
If you can't spell and you don't have a basic working knowledge of the English language, please don't write.
If your idea of a good profile picture has you holding an animal you shot or caught with a fishing rod, please don't write.
If you have more pictures of yourself with some type of automobile than with friends or family, please don't write.
If you state in your profile that you don't want kids, please don't write...  My profile clearly states I am a widow AND have two kids.
If you would never actually walk up to me and say hello in person, please don't write.
If you have children my age, please don't write.
P.S. A picture of you with a half dozen drunk ass chicks screams DOUCHEBAG.  Please don't write.

Maybe I'm an ass, but that's just the way I feel.  Is that so bad?

Purple Hair...

This is the best that I can do right now as I've only had the purple highlights for about a week and a half.  I LOVE them!  They are so much fun!  But because my hair is so dark, naturally, it took FOREVER!!!

Things to Ponder From the Weekend

~  Did anyone else see the Pats lay the smack down in Foxboro yesterday?  What the crap?  Welcome back to football, Tom Brady.  It took you long enough!  Wish I wouldn't have cancelled that trip!  Would have loved to watch that game first hand!!!     

~  What's with Mother Nature's multiple personality disorder?  It was B-E-A-utiful here this weekend!   Let's hope it stays this way!

~  Why does The Boy find it necessary to call me at midnight from a sleepover to come pick him up?  It's not even like he does it everytime.  Just randomly.  No rhyme or reason.  Just, "Mom, can you come get me.  I'm ready to come home."  And then other times I have to call the following day to find out if he's ever coming home.  Weird.

~  When will I learn that my body likes me better after a night of drinking vodka than it does after a night of drinking beer?  And why do I think I can still party like it's 1999?  I'm not 21 anymore,  Boy does my body like to remind me.

~Apparently purple hair and black eyeliner makes me Goth.  What the hell is Goth anyway?  One of the teenagers at work said I'm too girly to be Goth and that the person who called me that is dumb.  Well, doi...  But really?  Are there really Gothy emos in their 30's?  Get a LIFE!

~  Yes, I said purple hair.  It's purple highlights, to be more specific.  I feel pretty, oh so pretty!

~  Dream Guy made me mad for the LAST time.  Stupid man.

~  What a great weekend to catch up on my TV watching.  DVR is AMAZING!  I got to watch The Forgotten, Flash Forward, Psych, Raising the Bar, and enough Burn Notice to get my Jeffery Donovan fix for the rest of October.  (Yum!  Notice a theme? Christian Slater, Joseph Fiennes, James Roday, Mark Paul Gosselar, and Jeffery Donovan.  Hehehe!)

~  Should I say yes if the customer from work asks me out?  He seems very nice, but he reminds me a lot of the late hubby. 

So many things to ponder...

How was your weekend?

Ahhh, The List is Never Ending

I have a vivid fantasy life.  That in and of itself is why The Future Ex-Husbands List exists.

I have to crawl back into bed and watch football.  It is necessary.  But I will leave you with one of the yummys from The List...

Mmmmmmmmm.....  Colin.......

Maybe I should skip football and just crawl into the pool with him instead.

He just oozes bad boy.

Look!  He's thinking, "Are you done with that damn blog!?  Get over here and watch football with me!"

Cheers! And Happy Sunday!!

Mom, I'm Sorry...

I took The Girl shopping for a Halloween costume on Saturday.

Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday.  Hands down.  Shopping with a 9 year-old girl may have ruined it for me.  Mom, I'm sorry for having been a pre-adolescent girl. 

This year she decided she is going to be a little devil.  How fitting.  But my goodness, did drama and chaos ensue when we began discussing what she would be required to wear UNDER the costume.

1.) The Girl is 9.  Trampy little skank costumes are not appropriate for my daughter.  Especially at 9.

2.) We live in Minnesota.  It is cold here on October 31st.  I have a feeling it will be colder than normal this year, if the current weather situation is any indication.

3.) We Trick-or-Treat outside.  I've accepted that a coat will not fit over wings, but I will be damned if she's not wearing long sleeves under that thing.

4.) I really don't want to listen to the whining and bitching when we are out on how cold she is.

That said, I bought her the freaking costume.  I got her to agree to a black, long sleeved, thermal shirt to wear under the dress.  Leggings and all accessories came with the costume (Unbelievable!  They usually rape you for accessories!)  Hopefully costume shopping with the boy will be a lot less difficult...

Did I Do That?

Thursday night, The Girl had a sleepover.  As I usually work on the weekends, it is very rare that either of the kids have friends spend the night.

As there was no school on Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday, I thought, "Hey!  I should let The Girl have a sleepover!"  The boy generally spends non-school nights at assorted friends' houses.  Thursday night was no exception.  So...  At 4:00, the doorbell rang.  The Girl's BFF and the BFF's older sister were on the door step, all smiles, and ready for Girl-a-Palooza!

First of all, I remember having sleepovers as a girl.  They were fun, but with too many girls, were mostly torture.  The two girls staying the night spend A LOT of time at my house.  They live just across the field.  They are great girls and I enjoy them.  What I had forgotten from my childhood, is that sleepovers turn girls into monsters. 

I don't mean to say they were poorly behaved.  They were just loud, obnoxious, little giggle monsters.

These giggle monsters kept me up until 2:00 a.m.  They were up and down the stairs like a herd of effalumps.  They cleaned out my kitchen like a pack of ravenous dogs.  I had to take the phone away dozens of times - and they were only calling me and each other!  Argh!  At least they weren't calling boys!

Seriously, though?  At what age did I start terrorizing my parents?  Was it really as early as the 4th grade?  A month or so ago, an old friend and I stayed up all night contemplating our ages when we met.  I was in 6th grade.  He was in 7th.  It was scary to think that my children are not too far from those ages.  It's even scarier when at 31, I look back with the people I caused trouble with and realize what exactly I was doing at that young age and what I need to mentally prepare myself for as a parent.  My friend thinks it's hilarious.  He's clearly not yet a parent.  I'm terrified....

Banging My Head Against the Wall

Dream Guy invited me to a movie.  We've never been to a movie together.  We've attempted to watch plenty of movies together, but have never actually gone to one.

Neither one of us likes scary movies, but we both love the paranormal.  We watch Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures, and other random shows having to do with the paranormal. 

So, Dream Guy sent me a text the other day that said, "Paranormal Activity.  I want to see it.  You need to come with."  Mind you, I haven't heard from Dream Guy in weeks.  My response?  "Ummmm...  Ok?"  Nothing more was said...  Until last night.  I got another text that said, "Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday.  Lady's choice. 7 or 9:50."  I was a bit taken aback, but simply responded, "7 Tuesday"  To which Dream Guy responds, "Yay!  I'm so excited!"

Am I completely retarded or did I miss something here?  This man goes weeks without talking to me, invites me to a movie, and is excited to see me?  WTH?  Where have you been, Dream Guy?  I certainly haven't gone anywhere.

Part of me wants to shoot him a text at 6:45 on Tuesday and tell him I'm not available.  Unfortunately, I'm completely smitten with this stupid man and I know that I won't do it.  I do know that something has gotta give, though.  Dream Guy is gonna have to make a choice - Just Friends or More Than Friends.  I'm fine with either choice.  Obviously I'd prefer one over the other, but I'm fine with either.  I guess in the meantime I'll just try to figure out how on Earth we're going to make it through a scary movie WITHOUT clutching desperately to one another...

I'm a Closet Domestic Goddess

Shhh!  Don't tell.  I love to bake.  It is my sanity keeper.  Unfortunately, I haven't been doing much baking lately.  But tomorrow is the 50th birthday of a regular customer at the bar and some of the patrons are putting on a surprise birthday party for him.  I've known the guy for at least 10 years, so I volunteered to make a cake!

Things have been so chaotic around here, lately.  I thought this would be a great opportunity for me to chill the f out.  So...  Here it is!

Chocolate Kahlua Cake

1 box (18.25 oz) dark chocolate cake mix

1 box (3.9 oz) instant chocolate pudding

1 container (16 oz) sour cream

3 eggs

1/3 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup Kahlua

1 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Grease and coat 10 cup bundt pan with cocoa.

Mix all ingredients well.  The batter will be REALLY thick.
Spoon batter into bundt pan.

Bake for an hour.

Let cool in pan for 10 minutes, then move to cooling rack and let cool throughly. 

Sprinkle with powdered sugar and serve!

The bummer of the matter is, I won't be sprinkling it with powdered sugar or serving it until tomorrow, so these are all of the pictures I have...

It looks yummy and the kids are going bonkers because they don't get any.  Hahaha!!  I think that's probably the best part!

I'll let you know on Saturday how delish it was!

Confessions

I have a confession to make.

Although I have been fighting The Sickness, I haven't exactly been doing all I can to expedite the healing process.  A week ago Saturday, Miss Lucinda had tickets to go see an amazing band called The Gaslight Anthem at the Cabooze in Minneapolis.

As I had already taken the night off of work and Miss Lucinda already had tickets to the sold out show, I couldn't see not going.  It was amazing.  There were three opening bands, Frank Turner, The Loved Ones, and Murder by Death.  If you've not heard any of them, I recommend checking them out.

We were crazy close to the stage for The Gaslight Anthem.  I had the unfortunate experience of getting caught up in the first mosh pit I've experienced since sometime in the 90's.  I'm not really sure why, as The Gaslight Anthem isn't really a moshing kind of band.  Check out this link below for thier song "Great Expectations".  It's one of my favorites by them.



And of course, what super close up live music experience is complete without a few pictures....

SHUSH!

I LOVE watching movies.  It could very well be my favorite thing to do.  Ever.

I HATE watching movies with my kids.  They older they get, the more I dislike it.  It doesn't matter what the movie.  It doesn't matter if I've seen it or not.  It doesn't matter if they've seen it or not.  Regardless of any of the circumstances, they are ALWAYS talking.

It's not just the movies.  Watching a TV program is every bit as irritating.

As I sit here writing, The Boy is laying on the floor watching the most recent installment of The Mummy movies on DVR.  He is not more than 15 minutes in and I have had to tell him at least a dozen times to be quiet and watch.  Although I have seen this movie, it has been well over a year and no, I don't remember what happens.  To tell you the truth, I don't really care.  The Boy, however, is intent on discussing the movie's events in a play by play fashion.

Yesterday, The Girl and I were watching a DVR'd episode of CSI that happened to be guest starring Taylor Swift.  I had never seen it.  The Girl talked through the entire episode.  She wanted to know who, what, why, when, and how... 

Why is it they never shut up?  How many times do I have to tell them to be quiet?  When I tell The Girl I have no idea what is happening because I have seen every bit as much as she has, why does she get pissy at me like I'm withholding national secrets?  Is it wrong that I want to lock myself in my room and secretly watch things without them?

I used to think that I would always cherish these activities, now I am tempted to put TVs in their rooms so they leave me alone to watch in peace...

Women in Service

Something important has been brought to my attention today.  As we all know, men and women bravely serve our country everyday overseas.  Unfortunately, the majority of donations made to our troops are made with men in mind. 

Mike, over at Going Sane in a Crazy World, has a friend that is a Chaplain and is being redeployed to Afghanistan.  Together, they are trying to put together some skin care donations for the women who serve us and protect our freedom.

I know things are tight for everyone, but if you are able, please do your part to care for these women who bravely and selflessly give their lives to honor ours!

Please visit Mike and see 3 of the different ways you could help make a difference for these ladies!

Get Off the Couch... Step Away From the TV

The snow is mostly melted...  I learned that Minneapolis has only had measurable snow in the first half of October only 8 times in the last 60as  years.  So much for global warming...

Anywho, as my life has been comandeered by The Sickness for the last week, I am WAY behind in maintaining my home.

I had to buy new socks for the kids over the weekend.  I'm not entirely sure they needed new socks, I think they are all just dirty.  I made an executive decision to buy more since the volume of laundry in need of washing is INSANE!!!!

In addition to the world's supply of laundry, every other room in my home is in a state of disrepair.  I have floors to clean, surfaces to wipe, bathrooms to sanitize...  I don't ven know where to begin.  I've searched Flylady's page for a "Getting Back on Track After The Sickness" cleaning list, to no avail.  I am pretty sure that in order to get anything accomplished, I should start by getting off the couch and turning off Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends...

Hey! Mother Nature! How About a Hot Flash!

I went to bed last night ready to sleep well and take the world by the horns today.  Mother Nature had something else in mind.  This is what I woke up to...

It's October...  My favorite month of the year.  Because I love fall...  Do you see fall anywhere in that picture?  Am I missing something?  Someone throw me a freaking bone here.

Little Buddy's mom dropped him off at 7:00 this morning with a permission slip for his very first Kindegarten field trip.  They're supposed to go to the pumpkin patch.  Have you ever gone to the pumpkin patch on a snowy day?  Little Buddy is totally getting hosed.

Needless to say, my visions of productivity were shot to hell.  There will be no opening of windows and allowing brisk fall air to freshen up the stale smell of my home that has been deep in the clutches of The Sickness for the past week.  I had to turn on the heat.  And the only thing I've managed to accomplish today is unloading the dishwasher.....

I'm working tonight at the bar, so I guess I'll try again tomorrow.  Sigh...

On the Mend

The Sickness is passing.  I must say, it's been a pain in my freaking butt.   I've been tired, lethargic, and completely non-productive.  My house looks like a war zone and I'm afraid to think of how long it is going to take to clean and get back on track.

Today was a huge disappointment, sportswise.  Ladies, I'm pretty sure you don't care, but I do.  For about 45 minutes tonight I had some serious insight into the male sports psyche.  The Patriots were playing in Denver this afternoon.  The Twins had a 6:00 (CST) ALDS game vs. the Yankees (dirty word in my home).  For a half an hour this afternoon , I was flipping back and forth between CBS and TBS to only be disappointed by both teams I love so well...

So, I know that Sundays usually consist of me making you privy to the men who reside on "The List".  While I have PLENTY of hotties to grace the bloggy pages with, however, I'm thinking today, not so much...  I'm currently sitting on the couch watching Fast Times at Ridgemont High. How funny do Judge Reinholdt (who names their kid Judge??), Jennifer Jason Leigh, Phoebe Cates, and Sean Penn look!!!  Did you remember that Forrest Whitaker is in that movie?  I had totally forgotten!  How about that sweet red track suit he's wearing!  Ewwww!!!!  Was there really a time that was considered attractive?

Anyway, tomorrow I hope to be back...  So sorry that I've allowed The Sickness to comandeer my life!  Cheers to you all and I will see you in the morning!

D-d-d-d-dating!?!?!

I can honestly say that I suck at dating.

I serial dated for a while, after my husband died.  That was easy.  I was in a complete unattachment mode, so the men that I dated were just time killers and space fillers.  Sad, but true.

In the last five years, I have had three boyfriends.  I was with Chef for three of those years.  We broke up last August when wedding planning spooked him.  We would be getting married in 9 days.  The fun part is, we are really great friends.

Dating Chef, and then Iowa for 6 months after him, changed the way I look at dating.  I realized, while dating these men, that I am looking for more than a dinner companion.  I don't want a buddy to go to the movies with, or someone to buy me drinks when we're out.  I want a partner.

So how do I define what I am looking for?  And how long does it take to determine?  When I spend time with Dream Guy, everything seems to click.  Conversation is easy, silence is easy, everything is easy and comfortable.  Sadly, our timelines are completely out of wack.  I'm looking for someone to share life with, he wants to see what's out there.  While I know I need to cut that loss and be okay with only being friends (which I totally am!  I'm so not willing to throw away 15 years of friendship!), it frustrates me to know I have to continue trying to find that ease and comfort with someone else.

I feel like dating is a job.  I wonder sometimes where to fit it in.  I strive to not let my motherhood define me, as I am more than just a mom.  However, my commitments to my kids do take priority over commitments to people I may or may not want a relationship with.  Or maybe I use my commitment to my children as an excuse to not honor a commitment to myself.  I dunno.... 

What I do know is while parenting The Boy and The Girl is the most rewarding role I've ever had, at some point they will take a life path of their own.  And when they do, I know that I would like to have someone by my side as a partner in my continued journey.  My kids are still young and I have plenty of time, but I feel like it would be nice to have someone along for the ride while the memories of this part of the journey are being made.

The Sickness

The Sickness has struck.  Over the last two weeks, people have been dropping like flies.  In one day alone, I received 3 phone calls from parents telling me their child (the one that my child had been playing with a day or two prior) had The Sickness.  My Little Buddy, who I watch every day before Kindegarten, hasn't been here all week.  I picked his brother up from school on Tuesday because he was ill...   The Sickness is everywhere.   It got me.

My head is stuffy, my eyeballs hurt.  I've been coughing so hard I may have cracked a rib.  My body aches and I have the cold sweats.  Yesterday, after taking the kids to school, I went back to sleep until 1:00.  Ugh!

I'm ready to be well.  Everytime I sneeze, my head hurts worse.  It's days like these (although I'm rarely sick) that make me miss having a partner in life.  How I would love to have someone else to get up with the kids and get them off to school or run to pick them up at the end of the day.  It would be nice to have a midday phone call asking how I'm feeling and if they should pick some dinner up on the way home so I didn't have to worry about getting any made.  Even to have someone boil some water for tea or to bring me some medicine would be a luxury. 

But it is just me.  So right now the kids are finishing their breakfasts and in 15 short minutes I will be hopping into the car, still in my jammies, to take them to school.  Then I will be coming home, taking some cold medicine, and promptly hopping back into bed, all the while praying that I feel like functioning by the time 3:00 rolls around.

Oooh.... Pretty... Wordless Wednesday

We went to the Minnesota Zoo.  These are pictures I took in the seasonal butterfly garden.

Musical Piles

My mom is a pack rat.  When she defected to Florida, I ended up with years and years worth of her crap.  When cleaning my garage last summer, I literally found report cards for Redneck Brother from elementary school!  WTH!

Sadly, I see my home turning into a scene from my childhood.  Everywhere I turn, there are piles.  I have piles of bills to pay, piles of bills that are paid, piles of Girl Scout stuff, piles of Cub Scout stuff, piles of handouts from The Girl's teacher, piles of handouts from The Boy's teacher, piles of catalogs I'd like to order things from....  Ahhhhh! There are piles EVERYWHERE!

I've followed the Flylady's tips, read books about de-cluttering and simplifying, but I just can't seem to shake this terrible habit instilled upon me by my mother!

I've resolved that my problem is easily solved by real estate.  I just need to buy a house with a mud room, a den, and a basement!  All of my problems would be solved!  The mud room would house all of the jackets, shoes, boots, bookbags, and handbags haphazardly thrown around my house.  The den would be a God send!  I could have a place to keep my computer (not the corner of my bedroom!), a place to pay bills (not the kitchen table), and a place for a file cabinet (so there wouldn't be piles of bills everywhere)!  It would be GLORIOUS!  And a basement, a basement would house all of the crap the kids have neglected to relegate to their rooms...  Oh, to dream...

Ahhh, visions of dens floating in my head!

And what's this?!?!  A place to keep  coats and shoes?! B-E-A-UTIFUL!

What!?!?!?  A living room not taken over by the kids' crap!!!  It's a Christmas Miracle!

Well, a girl can dream, right?  Without a healthy fantasy life, what would I have?