Friday, October 2, 2009

Men Really Are From Mars!

Dating may very well be the single most frustrating activity around. 

Okay, parenting is.  But add dating on top of parenting and it's a wonder I don't live in a padded room.

About 5 months ago, I reconnected with an old friend from high school.  I call him Dream Guy.  When we were teenagers, Dream Guy had a colossal crush on me.  We were always friends, but that was it.  Fast forward 16 years, add marriage, kids, divorce (or death of a spouse in my case), and a few boyfriends/girlfriends...

When we started spending time together, both Dream Guy and I had just gotten out of some serious dating relationships.  We were spending time together at least two nights a week, in true long-lost friend fashion.  We talked about EVERYTHING!  My family, my marriage, my kids, dating experiences I've had over the years, his marriage, his daughter, his family, and his experiences with dating and being single.  It was great!  There was no pressure, no expectations.  We were old friends catching up and having a great time.

Then came complications...

It was clear to both of us that there was more than friendship brewing.  While I was fine with that idea, Dream Guy was a bit frightened by it.  The great part was, we talked openly about it.

Our time together has always been very comfortable and very easy.  The frustrating part is, I haven't talked to Dream Guy in almost two weeks.  The last time we talked was a Saturday night.  I had just gotten off of work (I closed at the bar) and Dream Guy had called.  He was at a party his younger brother was having and he was sad that I wasn't there with him.  He said he was having fun, but he missed my laugh and wished I could have come. 

While it's very true that I also missed him (and do now), he had never said such things to me.  I told him that those were very nice things to hear and that I looked forward to seeing him very soon.  We haven't talked since then.  We've texted back and forth a few times, but no talk.

HOW FRUSTRATING!!!

I'm not one to be pushy and I am certainly not about to chase a man.  But honestly, what do I do in this situation?!?!  I am truly ok with just being friends.  I am seriously in like with Dream Guy, but I can live with just friends.  I realize that we are both very busy people, I just wish there was a way to hear the sound of his voice and know where we're at.  Is that insane?  Is it asking too much?  Any suggestions?

19 comments:

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

I'm sorry about the loss of your husband...

And even when I was dating, I wasn't very good at it. :) I don't have any sage advice, but I wish you the best luck with the Dream Guy! Keep us posted...

Amanda {My Life Badly Written} said...

If there was a formula for dating someone would be very rich!! My advice would be to ask him over and talk honestly about how you feel. Good Luck !

Mike said...

Okay this a guy's view and may be different than a woman's. Decide what you want the relationship to be and then talk to him about it. He still has feelings for you, but for some reason isn't coming out and saying it. It's your life so steer it the way you would like.

Michele said...

I'm with Mike, (well said btw). "It's your life, steer it the way you would like."

I TOTALLY know how you feel. I wish I had some advice, but I do wish you luck. I have also lost my wit this morning, so I dont even have anything funny to add. Hmmmmph.

Keep us posted on your new "in like" adventure.

Michele

Cat said...

I haven't dated in years so no experienced tips. But I'd want to meet up with him and talk about it. Not on the phone... too easy to miss little clues when you can't see someone's face.

Andrea (ace1028) said...

I wish I had some tips for you, but hang in there! It will fall into place the way it is supposed to, it just takes time!

Drahdrah said...

I would have called him and asked WTF a week ago... but sometimes I'm too pushy. I say if you want to hear his voice, call him. You wouldn't hesitate if it was a female friend would you?

That One Mom said...

@ Mike - You rock. I knew I could count on you to weigh in with something logical.

@ Drahdrah - I'm sure when we do talk there will be some sort of WTF statement. Hahaha... And as far as hesitating if it were a female friend goes, I am rarely frustrated when I go a period without talking to one of the girls. I know they're not going anywhere!

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

I think that if you expressed mutual feelings back to him when he last called, then you are fine :) I bet he will call you again pretty soon!

Lisa Anne said...

I'm sure he will call you. If not there are so many men out there.

visiting from Sits.

!!The Obnoxious SAHM!! said...

I am with Lisa Anne on this. if he calls great and if he doesn't thats ok too. There are many more out there and they should consider themselves honored to meet you.

JennyMac said...

I loved dating back in the day...loved it. But, it is tricky. I think you should never underestimate your own worth. You wouldnt throw away a million dollars would you? Think of yourself the same way. If he likes you, he will call. If you feel like you need to get it off your chest, do that too. Good luck!

Clare said...

I agree with Mike. Good advice.

Sorry for the loss of your husband. Stopping by from SITS

♥ Teresa ♥ said...

Hi, I'm stopping by from SITS. I just wanted to share a bit of comment love!

I am SO not the one to answer any questions about dating. I got married for the first time 2 weeks before I turned 17. I was expecting my first daughter and believed it was the right thing to do. It wasn't. Nine months after my divorce, I got married again...at the ripe old age of 21. Thankfully, he is the love of my life and we have been married for 19 years. I wouldn't change a thing. He treats me like a queen.

I do not have a clue about how to date because I've never really done it. However, I hope and pray things turn out well for you. I'm so very sorry about the loss of your husband. I can't imagine your pain. The only advice I can offer is don't settle for anything less than you and your little one deserve.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Teresa <><

http://toomanyheartbeats.blogspot.com

Maricris Zen Mama said...

Dating is the most complicated "dance" in the world of humans. All I can say is that, let it run it's course. If it's meant to be, it will happen. I wish you the best.

Millennium Housewife said...

Shall we all form a Mike fan club? It could be like that scene in What Women Want when MG is giving all that sage advice. I have to say I agree with him, it really is up to you to decide what you want then go after it. If it doesn't work out at least you were true to yourself.
Good luck! xx

That One Mom said...

@ Millenium Housewife - There is a Mike fan club! Check out his blog and follow! You won't be disappointed!

Thanks to everyone who has commented on this topic! Not only do I love the comment love, but I love that everyone agrees that all happens as it should!

Candice said...

Ugh, men can be so complicated sometimes. Maybe he's waiting for you to give him some sort of sign that you are more interested than just "the friendly" way.

Call him up and ask him out for lunch or something. If he blows you off, then move on.

Senorita said...

I'm sorry about the loss of your husband.

My philosophy is that men are natural born hunters. If you are really fine with being just friends, just be friends with him.

I believe that men should be the hunters, so let him come to you. Otherwise, unless you are absolutely sure, making the first move could be really awkward if he doesn't reciprocate in the manner that you were hoping for.

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