Future Ex Husbands of Olympic Proportions!

Don't you just lurve my new logo!?!?!?  I do!  Everyone's been getting so fancy with their feature posts lately, so I thought I needed to step up my game and get on board!  Do you lurve it!  I know you do!!  My super fantastic friend Lee the Hotflash Queen  made it!!!  She's just started doing the button making thing and is PHENOMONAL at it!!  So if and when you need a button, see Lee!!!

So...  Have you been watching the Olympics?  I can honestly say that I rarely catch the Olympic bug.  I, however, have found three very good reasons to watch some Olympic action this year!

This is Jean-Philippe Le Guellec...  He's a Canadian biathlete.  I can't really thing of anything exciting about the biathalon, but DAMN!  He's a hottie!

Ahhh, Bode Miller.  Yummy.  American skiing sensation/bad boy.  Rumor has it this naughty boy got into a bit of trouble in Torino...

And this beauty is Bjorn Einar Romoren.  Norweigan, and a very good reason to watch ski jumping.

For all you men out there, the Throwing Mike a Bone, the lovely Lindsey Vonn.  American skiier and fellow Minnesotan!

Living With the Lies; My Story Part 3

There are really no words to succinctly describe what it is like living with an addict.  I think for me, the hardest part was knowing that the man I loved was hiding somewhere inside.

While my husband promised me he would get help for his drug use, he refused to acknowledge he had a problem.  In his eyes, I was the one with the problem.  In his eyes, I was trying to control him.  In his eyes, I was playing the martyr.  And in his eyes, I needed to accept that was who he was and deal with it.

I, on the other hand, was certainly not going to "just deal with it".  From the day we brought The Boy home from the hospital, to the day my husband took his own life, our life together was a battle.  When I called him out on his lies and continued drug use, he would verbally abuse me.  He did his best to manipulate every situation and make me feel badly.  He would tell me to take our children and "run to my mommy" if he was so bad.  He would tell me my standards were outrageous and if I left him I would end up bitter and alone. 

During the short periods of time he was clean, the man I loved would come out.  He was still able to make me laugh like no other.  Falling asleep curled up next to him was my peace.  He was playful and proud with our son, and when we discovered we were going to have our 2nd child, he was elated.  He knew she would be a girl and he wanted nothing more than to have a pretty princess he could dress up in fancy dresses and Mary Janes.

When I discovered we were pregnant with The Girl, I cried.  Our marriage had been tumultuous at best and I wasn't confident in our future.  Although he had finally agreed to go into rehab, he was continuously relapsing.  In the last year of his life, he relapsed five times.  Before I ever told him I was pregnant, I considered abortion.  However, I had a dream that my unborn child would be a girl.  I dreamed that I would never conceive another girl and that without her, I would be incomplete.  What an amazingly accurate dream.

After over a year of his abuse (of me and the drugs), I decided I couldn't take anymore.  Under no circumstances was I going to raise my children in a home with an addict.  In April, 2000, I left.  I was four months pregnant with The Girl.  The Boy and I moved in with my mom and her husband.  Once again, my husband went into treatment.  In addition to treatment, we began marriage counseling.  While I was determined to be free from his addiction, I still loved him.  I had not given up hope that he could still be saved.  Leaving him broke my heart, but I hadn't given up on him.

Image found on Google Images

Bringing Home Baby; My Story Part 2

Nothing rivals the excitement of bringing home your first child.  The Boy was (and continues to be) such an amazing gift.  Of course, I baby-sat as a teenager, and I was the 2nd oldest of 13 grandchildren, so I was no stranger to babies.  But this baby was different.  He was mine.  Together with the man I loved and a God I did not yet believe in, I made him.

Bringing home my precious boy was overwhelming.  There is so much more to having a new born than one realizes.  While we had our car seat, diapers, appropriate clothing, and bassinet all ready to rock, I wasn't prepared for things like umbilical cords and circumcisions.  So on the very first day of 1999, my husband brought his brand new family home from the hospital. 

After getting us all settled in, my husband took inventory of what we still needed.  Groceries were stocked, diaper supply and wipes were full.  I was breastfeeding, so no formula was needed.  We did, however, need some Vaseline for our new little man's circumcision wound.  It was New Year's Day and we weren't sure what would be open, so the hubby set off in search to find some Vaseline.

Fast forward 12 hours.  It is almost 11:00 pm.  It is my first day home with my brand new son.  Alone.  And I have not seen or heard from my husband.  I am freaking the eff out.  I have called my mom repeatedly, his store is long since closed for the day, and  his friends haven't talked to him all day.  I begin to panic as I look for the Yellow Pages and begin to call local hospitals.  Each time someone answers I ask if anyone has been admitted with his name or fitting his description.  Nothing.  I call the police.  I am so scared.

By 1:30 am, officers from the local precinct arrive at my home.  I explain the situation.  They see my brand new son.  They ask what kind of car he was driving, what he was wearing when I had seen him last, were there any places he liked to hang out, had anyone talked to him.  I answered everything to the best of my ability.  Because he hadn't been gone a full 24 hours, they couldn't file a missing persons report, but because it was unusual for an apparently happily married man to leave his wife and brand new baby for so long without contact, they agreed to get their precinct on the lookout for him.

It is now 3:00 am.  My doorbell rings. I am terrified.  What if they found him?  What if he is not okay?  I answer the door to see my husband standing in front of me.  His coat is missing, he is disheveled and looks like hell.  The officers I spoke to earlier were standing behind him.  I ask what happened, where had he been, is he ok?  He looked at me with eyes I had never seen before.  I knew it wasn't going to be good.  All he said is, "We need to talk." He walked by me and went into the house. 

The officers said they found him wandering the street in that condition.  They said our car was parked about a block away and they weren't sure whether or not he had the keys.  When they found him, they told him he needed to come home, his wife was worried, and they followed him to make sure he came directly to me.  I thanked them for their help and went inside.

I am not sure the details of the conversation.  Much of what happened upon his return that early morning are a blur.  I do know that when he left to get Vaseline for our son, he never made it.  I would have to go out the next day for some.  He told me that about 6 months prior, when he had taken a new job, he began using cocaine.  He had used drugs recreationally in his youth, but swore he had not used at all while we were together, until the new job.  He was cashing his checks on paydays and buying drugs, crack and cocaine, and binging while I was at work.  Often times when he said he was working extra, he was using.  For the 2 days I was in the hospital bringing our son into the world, he didn't use at all.  He was freaking out and after getting us home, that was all he could think about.

We cried.  A lot. He apologized.  I was happy he was home, that he was safe.  We were going to work together, get him therapy, and he was going to stay away from the drugs.  I cried myself to sleep that morning, exhausted.  I had no idea how this confession would change my life.

Looking back, I'm really angry that my first day on my own as a brand new mother was taken from me in that way.  I also know that little boy was my hero and saving grace in so many was.  He is the #1 man in my life.  Always has been.  There are days when I look at him and I see his father.  It used to startle me.  It used to make me sad.  But it's only physical characteristics.  I know that he will be 100 times the man his father was (at 11, he already is) and I am so grateful for him.




Infant image found on Google Images

Here It Is, My Story (Part 1)

While many of you know I am a widow, I have never told "my story".  Tomorrow marks the 9th anniversary of my husband's death.  While I certainly don't fit the part of the grieving widow, the reality that I have been a widow far longer than I was ever a wife sometimes sits funny with me.  While I am not always the greatest at articulating my journey, I have decided to share to the best of my ability what brought me here.

Illustration from Artistablog

Take yourself back to 1997.  I was a young adult, recently graduated from high school.  As a teenager, I had the opportunity to attend college in place of traditional high school curriculum.  During that time, my parents divorced.  My dad and Baby Brother moved to Chicago and then to Boston for a spell, eventually bringing them back to Chicago.  I dated and had plenty of boyfriends.  I wasn't always very nice to them.  In the summer of 1996, my best friend was killed in a tragic accident at work.  In short, my life to this point had been far from idyllic.  I had decided I needed to take some time away from school and sort myself out.  I got an apartment with a very close girlfriend and got a job as a manager in a coffee shop at a little place called The Mall of America.

I don't recall the first time I saw him.  He was a manager at an eyeglass store.  I remember he wasn't a coffee drinker, but he came in every morning for a hot apple cider.  I remember him always trying to chat me up while he waited, but I never really paid much attention.  He frequently would say things like, "We should grab a drink sometime." as he was leaving.  Usually I just smiled and replied, "We'll see you tomorrow."  I was 19.  He was 25.

I recall things going on this way for a few months, and finally one day instead of just the casual chat, he said to me, "So, when do I get to buy you that drink?"  I remember laughing and telling him I was too young for him to buy me a drink and that I didn't date customers.  He was cute, had a great laugh, and a mischevious sparkle in his eye, but I had my sights set on someone else.

The next day he asked if he could take me to lunch.  Again, I politely declined.  Later that day, he returned with a To Go box of my favorite meal from a restaurant down the hall.  He told me since he couldn't take me to lunch, he'd bring lunch to me. He continued to ask me out daily for a month.  I continued to decline for a month.  Finally, after all of my co-workers telling me to just go, I accepted.  I let him take me to dinner.  It was October 1997.  We were inseparable from that point.  In February, he asked me to marry him.  I was 20.  I had never met anyone that made me laugh the way he did.  I had never met anyone I could talk with the way we did.  He made me feel like I was the only person in the room.  I said yes.  In April, we found out I was pregnant with The Boy.  We married in September,  It was a small outdoor wedding with only close friends and family.  I was on Cloud 9.

The Boy was born December 30, 1998.  We spent our first New Year's Eve in the hospital as a brand new family of 3.  Little did I know that in days, my world would be turned up side down.

Gratitude With Attitude

While the name has changed, the purpose is the same!  Join Think Tank Momma and just say Thank You to the folks that add that extra sumthin' special to your day!

Dear Mama Nature,

     Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!  When I woke up this morning to find more snow floating to the ground I was so surprised!  It's really not enough that we have had record breaking amounts of snow this year!  You are so terribly thoughtful to send us more!  Please, keep it up! 

Sincerly,

Will Be Freaking Pissed If Those Kids Of Mine Have Another Snow Day

Redneck Brother,

     I got your email regarding the donation list for your wife's benefit.  Four times.  Thank you so much for ensuring that your address book settings innundate me with repeated versions of the same information.  It's comforting to know that I have so many ways to check what will be offered at the benefit.  Please, don't streamline your address book to make sure you aren't spamming people.  I really look forward to continually deleting 3/4 of what you send to me.

Love,

Your Very Thankful Seester

Precious Darling Daughter,

     I had so much fun shopping with you this weekend (for realz).  Thank you so much for your entitled, snippy, and ungrateful attitude you've had since The Man and I dropped hundreds of dollars on new clothes for you at Justice.  Please know that I appreciate your spark, but very soon your attitude will be recieving a readjustment.

Lots of Love,

Your Mama

Just a sidebar, I went out with Miss Lucinda this weekend and she met a boy from Oak Park, IL.  I've had the following song in my head since...  Check it out!  It will bring you back.  In a good way!

Feelings of Eh

Someone I once loved said to me, "I know you let me in as far as you could and it was great.  I can only imagine how amazing it will be when you finally find someone you can let all the way in."  And that was it.  I haven't talked to that person since December.  I miss him.  He knew me better than anyone.  So far.

I struggle with relationships.  I have been called a saboteur, a commitment phobe, a tease...  You name it.  I have difficulty letting people in.

I have been dating The Man since November.  He is awesome. I currently feel myself pulling away.  I really can't think of any reason for my blahs.  He is kind and doting and he is wonderful to me and my kids.  The difficult part is he knows that something is up. 

It is surprising to me that in such a short time, this man has learned so much about me.  He can tell if I'm off by a tone in my voice, a look on my face, or even the way I touch him or react to his touch.  I have tried to explain to him that my behavior has nothing to do with him.  He has told me that he doesn't want to lose me.  How do I say to him I am working through my thoughts of pushing him away without him freaking out?  How do I explain that my defense mechanisms want so badly to send him packing and my heart wants so badly not to let him go?  How do you continue to protect yourself as you continue to open up and let someone in?

I hate that I am afraid.  I hate that my fears have pushed away more than one great man.  I hate that I feel myself doing it again. 

What am I running from?  Do I not feel worthy of a good man?  Or am I worried that once he is around long enough, he will hurt and disappoint me as much as my husband did? 

These questions have haunted every relationship I have been in over the last 9 years.  An amazing woman and fantastic friend told me last night, "It's a relief when you stop trying to be strong all by yourself. I finally told myself, what's the worst that could happen? I get my hear broken?  I had already done that.  I survived. I could do it again."

Can I do it again?  And even if I am capable of doing it again, do I want to?  It is so much easier to keep all of the fragile little bits of me locked up tightly inside, allowing out only the pieces I am most comfortable with.  These are definitely things I need to consider.  After almost a decade of keeping up my guard, letting it down will be a challenge...  If that is a challenge I think I am up for...

Future Ex-Husbands - The Valentine's Edition

Ahhh, Valentine's Day...  The day created by greeting card companies to urge us to spend money we often don't have in an attempt to show our loved ones how we feel.  Well, forget spending the greenbacks.  I have a super special way of showing my loved ones how I feel...  By loved ones, I mean my Top 3 Future Ex-Husbands...

Here they are, in no particular order, my most beloved...

Okay, okay, I'm a big dork.  I know.  But without dreams and fantasies, what have we got.

100 Random Questions Answered By Me...

Well folks, here it is...  I have been here and letting you into my head for 100 posts, as of this post.  Scary, isn't it?  I know that most people try to commemorate their 100th post by doing something fun, so I'm gonna put on my best sheep costume and follow along.

As you may or may not know, one of the best parts of blogging is the friends you make along the way.  I have made some wicked awesome friends.  And for my 100th post, I have asked them to submit questions for me to answer.  The fun part? The questions are totally random!  So, here it is!  P.S. I won't be offended if you don't read them all, it's kinda long, but I had fun!

Enquiring Minds Want to Know...

1. Superman, Spiderman, or Batman: Who would you be more attracted to and why?

I'd have to go with Batman, but not the Adam West Batman.  Or the Michael Keaton Batman. I'm definitely all about the George Clooney Batman - hello hottie!!!  And the Chris O'Donnell Robin?!?!?  Can you say yummy?  I'm also a huge fan of the pre-fat and nasty Val Kilmer Batman.  He could be my Huckleberry anyday - wait, wrong movie...  But really, does anyone top the Christian Bale Batman?  I think not!!!  Look out Jack Kelly, you may sing and dance, but Bruce Wayne makes my heart go pitter-pat...  Why, you ask?  Have you seen Tobey Maguire?  Need I say more?  And I'm sorry, but Christopher Reeve was just too old for me...  But the Dean Cain Clark, haha, that's a whole other Oprah...

2. What are your thoughts on earwax?

Ahh, earwax...  I have a very complicated relationship with earwax.  You see, The Boy's ears are the highest producing earwax factories in the lower 48.  By virtue of this fact, I spend a lot of time harvesting earwax.  Once upon a time, I found this fact to be humorous, but 11 years in, I am thoroughly disgusted and so over earwax.  I long for the day I am comfortable allowing The Boy to stick cotton swabs in his own ears.  A day, in the hopefully forseeable future, when the bedtime routine doesn't consist of me using half a box (okay, 6) swabs to ensure the nasty, sticky substance that flows from his ears isn't visible to all who look at him.

3. Does The Man have any qualities similar to Clint Eastwood?

Considering the Clint Eastwood I am familiar with has one foot in the grave, imma say no.  But as I think more deeply about this question, I am reminded of the bad ass Eastwood.  The tough guy no one messes with.  He is BAD ASS...  And again, imma say no. 

4. If you could be any sex toy, what would you be and what color would you be?

Hehehehe, a blow up doll? Oh! Wait!  I'm not supposed to answer a question with a question... Hmm, I'm not so familiar with the sex toys. I went to a sex toy party one time. That was funny.  And Redneck Brother's first wife worked at a fantasy gift store, but I'm still not so familar.  That said, I'm gonna go with a blow up doll.  Hehehehe...  Do they come in different colors?

5. What was your worst bar customer experience?

Um, wow.  This is a toughie.  Usually I find a lot of humor in the bad experiences.  One time, there was this young douchecanoe, he had been to the Roadhouse Double Deuce type bar across the street prior to coming in.  It was early, probably only 6 or 7 o'clock and his ass was plowed.  He started out ok, but in a matter of a half an hour or so, he began being vulgar and offensive to other customers.  I kindly asked him to refrain from being offensive and the poor fool began to get lippy with me.  I kindly let him know that I did not tolerate people speaking to me in that fashion and asked him to please leave.  He protested.  Long story short, I gave him and his friends ample opprotunity to get the eff out my bar.  His friends tried aggressively to get him to leave  with them.  He refused.  So I arranged a ride for him - you know, the ride with the flashy lights on top?  He resisted the officers, got face planted and pepper sprayed.  In addition to a few nights in the clink, our friend had to make a pitstop at the local hospital....  Oh well, I warned him...

6. If you could have one super power, what would it be and why?

Ahh, super powers...  This one is easy.  If I could have a super power, I would want to be able to detect bullshit.  That way I would know with 100% certainty when my children were full of shit, when a man was full of shit, or when anyone else in the entire world was full of shit.  Wouldn't that be handy?

7. If you could torture one person with music, who would it be and what song would you play?

What an amazing question.  If you'd like to know what song I would play, click here.

*Consider yourself tortured, hehehehe*

8. How big is your bed?

Big enough for me and both of my monsters to lay in bed all day and watch movies together.

9. What music are you listening to right now?
No music, watching Burn Notice.  I heart Michael Weston.

10. Do you have any relatives in jail?
Not that I'm aware of. 

11. Have you ever gone cow-tipping?
Oddly enough, no.  It's odd because I grew up with a cow pasture in my backyard... 

12. What's your favorite midnight snack?
I lurve to eat...  My favorite midnight snack, however, is an ice cold beer OR a yummy vokda based drink...  I'm particular to Jeremiah Weed and lemonade and Stoli Vanilla Vodka with Diet Coke.  But I'm off the Diet Coke.  A whole month!  WOOT!

13. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste?
People brush their teeth with a dry toothbrush?  WTH?  How does it lather?  Isn't the paste awfully...pastey? 

14. Have you thrown up in a car?
I have narrowly escaped it.  When the kids were VERY small, we had dinner at church.  It was a pot luck kinda thing.  On the way home, my stomach was all icky quesy and I felt very ill.  Mind you, I had two small children in the back seat, so I was trying to get us all home safely and in one piece.  About 2 miles from home, I knew there was no way I would make it, so I pulled over and blew chunks out my door...  Ew.

15. Do you scream on rollercoaster?
I. Love. Rollercoasters! A lot.  That said, there is one rollercoaster that made me scream.  In terror.  In the Wisconsin Dells, there is this SUPER AWESOME amusement park/water park called Mount Olympus.  Did I mention it is super awesome?  They have amazing waterslides, tons of go cart tracks, and killer roller coasters!  There is one, however, that scared the bejeezus out of me.  It is called Hades.  Hades has this super awesome incline that takes this super crazy plunge UNDER GROUND!!!!  And, it scared the shiz outta me...  Shhh, don't tell...

16. If you don't know the words to a song, do you improvise?
Absolutely not.  I'm a stickler for lyrics.  In elementary school, I had this friend named Michele.  Michele was my neighbor and we did almost everything together.  (P.S. Although we've drifted apart, in the last few years we've reconnected and make a point to call one another on our bdays.)  Anylongstoryshort, Michele and I once got into a ginormous argument over the words to Starship Enterprise's "We Built This City".  We didn't talk for DAYS (which is like years in little girl time) and both worked diligently to earn enough money to buy ourselves copies of the tape (yes, tape, remember how all of the inserts had lyrics for the songs?  I miss that.)  I don't recall who was right.  Maybe we both were wrong, but darn it, I know every word to that song.

17. Share your thoughts on punctuality and what you'd like to do to people who are chronically late.
Ahhh, I am the chronically late.  It's an affliction I can't help.  I do my best to be timely, but really, I am destined to ALWAYS be late.  Sorry!

18. Ice cream, pie, or cake?
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!!!

19. What is the first facial feature you notice on a person?
I'm all about smiles.

20. If your life were a sitcom, who would play you?
What?!?!?  My life isn't a sitcom?  Since when?  Why the hell are there cameras in my house?  Who are these people with booms and mics?  How can all of this ridulous shiz really be happening to me?

21. If you were independently wealthy, would you still work?  If yes, what would you do?
I'm broke as heck and barely work now, why the heck would I do it if I had all kinds of cash?  That's just crazy talk.

22. Tropical island, ski resort, or dude ranch?
Definitely a dude ranch...  (What's that?  A dude ranch isn't a ranch with a bunch of hot dudes running around for me to oogle?  Screw that, imma go to the tropical island.)

23. If you joined the circus, what job would you have?
If?  I'm the freaking ring leader of this circus called my life.

24. Boxers, briefs, or butt floss?
Wait, I'm confused.  Women wear boxers or men wear butt floss?  Can I get some clarification here?

25. Who is your favorite football team?
Only the greatest football team ever - the New England Patriots.

26. Best beer ever?
Currently, I heart Spotted Cow.  Unfortunately, you can't buy it in Minnesota.  Only in Wisconsin...  Soooo....  If you live in Wisconsin and you wanna send me some, lemme know!  Just sayin'...

27. If I came to your house, what would you cook me for dinner?

Probably.....take you out to dinner.  Just because I find it difficult to cook AND visit. 

28. Favorite band frontman?

It's a toss up between M. Doughty (Soul Coughing) and Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam).

29. Favorite on-screen couple?
Totally Noah and Ally from The Notebook, but does anyone else ever wonder if Watts and Ducky would've made a great couple?  Just wonderin'...

30. Do you put your right sock on first, or your left?
Wow.  I have no idea.  Lemme think....
I think, if my reenactment wasn't tainted by this question, that I put my left sock on first. 

31. Pepsi or Coke?
Coke.  Diet.  Have I mentioned that it's been 4 weeks since I've had any.  Yes.  A WHOLE MONTH...

32. Icee or Slurpee?
I heart blue raspberry Icees, but to be fair, I live in a 7-11 free land and have never actually had a Slurpee.

33.What's in your CD player right now?
Bob Schneider Frunk - from his most recent show at the Varsity Theatre in Minneapolis (2 disks), Lady Antebellum - Need You Now, They Might Be Giants - No!, and a mix CD I made pre-iPod.

34. When is the last time you farted in public?
Wednesday.

35. Who is a bigger douchebag, Jon Gosselin or KFed?
I'm truly not familiar with either of their antics, but I heard that KFed was a good dad.

36. If you had to pick a theme song, what would it be?
Gosh, I dunno...  American Girl by Tom Petty?

37. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Lies.  I hate lies and I can't stand when people lie.  Especially when the people I love lie, specifically my children.  Commonly, The Girl.

38. What is your biggest fear?
Probably the same as any mother, not being able to protect my children from terrible things.

39. What is your best friend doing right now?
Missing me terribly. Doi.
40. A priest and a rabbi walk into your bar.  What happens next?
I ask them what they'd like to drink?
41. Have you peed your pants?
Hehehe, yes.  On my sister's 21st birthday, we went out at the Mall of America.  At some point, my brother-in-law (at that point, her fiance') decided he was going to pick me up and squeeze me.  He literally squeezed the pee right out of me.
42. What do you call the little plastic things at the end of shoelaces?
Flugelbinders.  Cocktail told me that's what they're called.
43. Favorite book?
The Little Prince
44. Who is your celebrity crush?
Come back Sunday and you will see!
45. Where would you go on your dream vacation?
Currently I dream of Ireland.
46. What is your favorite kind of potato chip?
I LOVE Old Dutch BBQ flavored kettle chips.

47. Favorite TV show?
Burn Notice

48. Favorite knock knock joke?
Knock knock?  Who's there?  Boo.  Boo who?  Don't cry.  (Weak, I know, but it's all I got.)

49. Milk chocolate or dark chocolate?
I love me some dark chocolate.

50. Favorite candy?
Swedish Fish or Hot Tamales

51.What's hotter, lifted trucks or sports car?
Definitely sports car.

52. If you became Queen of the World, what is the first thing you would do?
Outlaw morning, of course.

53. Can I have $10?
Um, sure?  Do you take checks?

54. If you're having a bad day, who do you want to talk to?
No one.  I prefer to sleep.

55. Favorite song?
Tupelo Honey by Van Morrison

56. What is one silly fact about you?
I have an irrational fear of car washes and vines.

57.When is the last time you were pulled over and did you get a ticket?
I have no idea.  I think the last time I was pulled over it was for rolling through a stop sign, and I didn't get a ticket. That would be the only time I didn't get a ticket.

58. Do you remember your favorite teacher?
I do.  Mr. Lachelt.  He was a biology teacher and he was awesome!

59. What was the last movie you watched?
Ella Enchanted - with The Girl.  Great movie.

60. What is the last thing you ate?
Dried cranberries.

61. Cheesecake or brownies?  You can only pick one to have for the rest of your life.
Brownies.  Definitely.  I don't like cheesecake.

62. If your favorite uncle were a cartoon character, who would he be?
Wow, I have no idea.  My favorite uncle passed away a year ago.  He was awesome...  Is there a cartoon character that oozes awesomeness>

63. You've been kidnapped by aliens.  What do they feed you?
McDonalds...  Bastards.

64.  Are you a cat person or a dog person?
I'm an animal person.

65. Would you ever go on Survivor?
Absolutely!  Talk about all time weight loss program!

66. Could you, would you eat a caterpillar?
I could not, would not eat green eggs and ham a caterpillar.  Not in a box, not with a fox. 

67. So, you're stuck on Gilligan's Island.  Who would you do the naughty with?  Yes, you HAVE to pick one.
The Professor.  No question.

68. What is your favorite hobby, besides blogging?
Is sleeping a hobby?

69. Would you rather eat a handful of dirt or a handful of dryer lint?
I think dirt would be a lot easier to rinse down.

70. Would you rather, in a permenant relationship, have the woman grow a penis or the man lose his?
Let the man lose his.  There are always toys...

71. Would you rather lose your memory or your vision?
My gut says memory, but there are so many things I would hate to forget, so I'm gonna go with vision.

72. Would you rather get stung by a large scorpion or bit by 300 mosquitoes?
Mosquitoes.

73. Would you rather kiss a stranger's butt or lick their shoe?
Definitely kiss butt.  At least I can keep my mouth closed and scrub my face.

74. Would you rather sleep naked in a room with 10 rattlesnakes or 100 black widows?
Either way, I'm a goner.  So Imma say black widows.  At least they're quiet.

75. Would you rather have uncontrollable drooling or be a bedwetter?
Imma say drooling.  Pee is smelly and bedwetting creates laundry.

76. Would you rather have a small butt on your forehead or two little feet dangling beneath your chin?
Hahaha, this question reminds me of a They Might Be Giants song.  I think I'd rather have a butt on my forehead. At least I could cover it with bangs.

77. If you were an ice cream flavor, what would you be and why?
I am strawberry ice cream.  I'm pretty plain and basic, with an occasional surprise (strawberry chunk).

78. What is your favorite bumper sticker?
"Criminals love unarmed victims" OR "Don't blame me, I voted McCain-Palin"

79. Why doesn't McDonald's sell hot dogs?
Because they're terrorists.

80. Why do they put holes in crackers?
So the cracker crumbles more easily and makes as big a mess as possible.

81. What disease did cured ham have?
The Swine Flu

82. Your first french kiss - yummy or yucky?
It wasn't exactly yucky, but I remember it being very sloppy.

83. Is your toaster full of crumbs or perfectly clean?
Perfectly clean, of course.  I'm Suzy Freaking Homemaker.  Bwahahaha...

84. If you could have a special date anywhere in the world, where would you want to go?
A date?  What's that?

85. Snow White or Ariel?
Ariel.  But truly, I'm a Belle kinda girl.

86. What is your favorite brand of jeans?
Big Star!

87. If you were stranded in the woods, would you want with you a spoon, a straw, or a spatula?
In this situation, I feel the spatula would be the most vesitile choice.

88. How old were you when you learned to swim?
I was very young when I learned to swim...preschool aged, probably.

89. Do you ever just kick random objects under the couch so you don't have to vacuum or bend over to pick it up?
Ugh!  I HATE finding crap under the couch!!!  Seriously!  Drives. Me. Nuts.

90. What song would be playing over and over in your own personal hell?
Fireflies by Owl City

91. Would you rather have dandruff the size of cornflakes or a constant groin itch?
I'll take dandruff for $100, Alex.

92. Would you rather steal candy from a baby in public or cut in front of a nun in a grocery store check out line?
I'd totally rather cut in front of a nun.  Forgiveness is her bidness...

93. Would you rather have to live one year as an elf or a mermaid?
That totally depends.  Are we talking elves like Legolas and Arwen in Lord orf the Rings or the North Pole kind?  If it's the North Pole kind, then totally a mermaid, but if its the LOTR kind, totally an elf.

94. Would you rather lose your mate to the same gender as yourself  or the opposite?
The opposite.  At least that way I know it wasn't anything I could have done differently.

95. Would you rather burp in a board meeting or fart semi-loudly on a first date?
Imma go with burp at the meeting.  The people you work with know you better than your first date, they are totally not going to get the wrong impression.

96. Who is the worst actor in Hollywood?
I don't know if he's the WORST, per se, but Dax Shepherd drives me bonkers.

97. If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
Ivana.  Ivana Humpalot...  hehehehe

98. What is on your fridge?
Kid art, pictures of nephews, school lunch menu, fun magnets, and a dry erase calendar that hasn't been updated since November.

99. Would you rather eat a rotten egg or a whole 5 pound pumpkin?
A whole 5 pound pumpkin.  Rotten eggs are smellllly!

100. Would you rather have love and lost it or never have loved at all?
I'm an old pro and love and lost... 



Well that's it!  That's 100!  I want to thank my friends Daffy at Batcrap Crazy. June at 3! A Charm, Alicia at It Ain't Easy Being Cheesy, and Stephanie at The Blue Zoo for sending me questions, as well as the game Zobmondo for giving Steph inspiration!!!

Here's to 100 more!

Weigh In Wednesday - Week 5

Here I am, 5 weeks into my weight loss challenge.  I'm not so happy, either.  Week 1 I went up 1 pound, Week 2 I was down 1, Week 3 I was down 1 more. Week 4 broke my heart.  I lost nothing, gained nothing.  I have been feeling really discouraged.

My eating habits have changed, and most days I eat very well.  The Lose It! application on my iTouch says in order to lose 2 pounds per week I need to eat 1140 calories daily.  Of course, that number increases if I exercise.

Work has been my most challenging eating enviornment.  I mean, really... I work in a restaurant with a scratch kitchen.  And the best ranch dressing known to man!  I splurged at the dinner following my friend Chuck's funeral and The Godmother's 50th, but other than that, I've been doing well.  I haven't had any soda in almost 4 weeks! And I drink at least a gallon of water a day. 

Working out has been sporadic at best.  The Man got a gym membership for me and I've been using that when there is time.  Otherwise, I have been getting my ass kicked bt Jillian Michaels a minimum of 3 times a week.  (I think she wants me to punch her.  Just sayin'...)

So like I said, here I am, Week 5.  I stepped on the scale and it says I am down 2.9 pounds.  (I think the Wii is lying, I don't feel like I've lost anything.  I feel like I've gained, if anything. But I'll take it.)  In 5 weeks, I have lost 3.9 pounds.  It's a far cry from my goal of 2 pounds per week, but I will take it.  I am still going to aim for my total weight loss goal at the end of May....  Change takes time, right?

Thank You for Making My Day Special

It's Tuesday and you know what that means!!!  It's time to say

Thank You

to all of the amazing people who went above and beyond to make your day special!

So join Think Tank Momma in Thank You Note Tuesday!

My Precious Blackberry Storm,
I know you know how I love you.  Truly, I'm not sure I could live a day without you.  I want to thank you for the serious thorn in my side you've given me repeatedly over the last 2 weeks.  What an amazing gift!  I have been over-joyed with your constant crashing!  Honestly, completely crapping out on me to the point that Verizon totally replaced you was the greatest!  I was so happy to have ZERO bbm capabilities!  And having my text messaging go out after spending 6 hours getting bbm functioning really made my day.  Although I have yet to find a theme I like (as the one I had went with my old Storm) and you are still crashing at will, I am so grateful for you.
Lovingly,
Fed Up With Your Crap and Would Replace You With a Google Phone If I Didn't Need My Bishes


Dear Helpful Hotel Clerk,
Thank you so much for all of your help with The Godmother's 50th.  I appreciate all of the ways you went out of your way to complicate our stay at your hotel.  It was so amazing getting to work my little sister down from the brink of an anxiety attack when you changed our party location a half an hour before guests were set to arrive.  I am also very grateful for your assistance in not redirecting our guests as they went to the original room indicated on their invitation, I mean really, the element of surprise at a surprise party is over-rated.  We didn't really hope to have all the guests in the room at a specific time.  And stragglers roaming the hallways searching for the right room were sure to not give us away!  I'll be sure to put in a good word if anyone I know is looking for a place!
Yours Truly,
Aggravated as Hell


Dear Scale,
3 pounds in 4 weeks?!?!?!  For realz?!?!?  Thanks.
Need I Say More?
Sincerely,
That One Unhappy Mom

Memoir Monday - The Picture Debut

I love to travel.  I have been to 27 of the 48 contiguous United States.  I think we live in the most beautiful country in the world.

My favorite place I have been to date is the Hudson River Valley in New York.  It is truly heaven on Earth.

I hope to go back soon!  If you've never been to New York, the Hudson River Valley beats the pants off of NYC any day!

How Time Flies

Wow!  I guess I wasn't lying when I said I would be around a lot less.  Sadly, I haven't been using all of that time to work out.  Some of it, yes.  All of it, no.

You know I have been remiss when BFF sends me a BBM telling me I am a lazy blogger.  How is that an indication, you ask?  Well, BFF isn't a blogger and she only checks in to mine periodically.

So what have I been doing in the week+ since you've heard from me?  I wish I could tell you that I went on a cleaning spree, got my house in tip top shape, and I am 100% caught up with my laundry, but I'd be lying.  Honestly, I've been having myself a bit of a pity party and spending too much time sleeping.  Not even my BB Chat bishes have heard much from me. 

Last Thursday, a dear friend of mine lost his life to cancer.  He was 70 and we often joked that he had 9 lives.  This was his 3rd boute with cancer and sadly, the cancer won.  We celebrated his life on Monday night and after the funeral had a huge dinner, drinks, and played some bingo.  I will definitely miss my pal WTF Chuck.

I have also been struggling with my precious daughter's behavior and grades.  While I'm not a stickler for the letter of the grade my kids receive, I do ask that they do their best.  After speaking with teachers, I know that The Girl does her best less than 25% of the time.  It is sad and frustrating to see that she is not at grade level in her performance and does not seem to be making academic progress.  Unfortunately, she is so accustomed to manipulating herself out of participating, I'm not sure how to get her back on track.  Every "undesired" activity turns into a war and honestly, I'm tired and don't know that I can take this challenge on by myself. 

On the bright side, a dear friend learned she's going to be a mommy again very soon...  Blessings come in all forms, and as her hubby so eloquently put it, God just didn't think their family was done yet.  Also, this weekend my "sisters" and I are hosting a 50th birthday celebration for my children's godmother!  Both of my children were matched with a Big Brother/Big Sister in the Big Brother Big Sister program and they seem to be getting along well.  I am getting my taxes done on Tuesday and can hopefully catch up expenses I've fallen behind on AND I got all of my shifts covered at work so the 2nd Annual Big Fat Family Roadtrip is a GO! (And The Man is coming, too!)

Hopefully soon, I will be out of this stupid funk.  Thank you to all that have been hanging tough while I have a meltdown.  I hope to "be myself" soon!!!

Images courtesey of Google Images