How Very Lovely

Imagine my surprise when I discovered I'd been bestowed the "One Lovely Blog" award! Angela of Angela's Soliloquy has bestowed this honor upon me!  Angela is an Army Wife kicking it in Hawaii.  I recommend you pop on over to checkout her tales, fun facts, and while you're there - check out the neat stuff she crochets!

The rules of the blog are to pass it along to 15 newly discovered blogs I enjoy.  What a challenge!!!  But I'm ALWAYS up for a good challenge!  So, here it goes! 

1. 
   
   Candice at Life According to Candice - Holy funny lady!  She's brash, witty, and mouthy!  Some of my favorite qualities in a woman!
   
   
   
2. 
   
   DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom - As she states, "We're not the Osbournes, but we're not Ozzy and Harriet either!"
   
   
   
3. 
   
   Kel at Hesitant Housewife - How can you not heart a woman who titles a post "Six Principles of Embarrassing Your Kid..."?
   
   
   
4. 
   
   Charmaine at Middle Aged Dating - Okay, honestly, she cracks me sideways!
   
   
   
5. 
   
   Erin at The Golden Drool - She is so great!  Sweet, sentimental, and funny!
   
   
   
6. 
   
   Jenny at Zack's Gang - This amazing super mommy is mother to 7 with #8 on the way!  OMG!!!
   
   
   
7. 
   
   Nancy at If Evolution Really Works... - Totally real, totally funny, and she brings a smile to my face everytime she swings by to comment.  I heart her.
   
   
   

Okay, I realize that is ONLY 7.  I promise I will get 8 more up really soon...  I guess I need to get reading and find me some more Lovely Bloggers!  In the meantime, swing on by and give these ladies a HOLLA!  Tell them That One Mom sent you!

Never A Dull Moment

There are all kinds of methods one can use to pick someone up in a bar.  Especially when the one you're trying to pick up is required by means of their employment to talk to you.

Generally speaking, I'm not one to get hit on.  When I am out with my girlfriends, I serve the purpose of a bouncer at a velvet rope night club and determine which of the wanna-be suitors and/or dance partners are worthy of my beautiful friends.

There are two situations in which I have had someone buy me a drink.  A). It's someone's turn to buy a round, or 2). A guy is trying to "make a good impression" while attempting to talk to one of my girlfriends.  I find it all rather humorous.  I've always been just one of the guys, so the idea of being hit on is highly entertaining.

SO...  Friday night, I was at work, like I usually am on Friday nights.  I happened to be discussing the greatness of the Minnesota Twins and New England Patriots in the Bledsoe days with a young man sitting at the bar.  Mid conversation, a large group of twenty-something guys walk in and take over my bar.  They carry on in a loud, rowdy manner.  They were actually quite fun, but after a couple of hours they decided to hop their way on over to the bar across the street.  While cleaning up my bar, I come across this...

(In case you can't see it, it says, "This might be a little forward but I would like to get to know you more.  CALL ME - Brian 123-456-7890)

Ok, Brian is the real name, the phone # is OBVIOUSLY made up - by me.

This is by far the funniest thing that has ever happened to me while at work.  I truly did laugh out loud.  I  mean really?!?!?  That's how you pick up women?  Not only is it cheesy and passive, it demonstrates lack of confidence AND the grammar and punctuation is bad!  (Ok, I'll admit, I don't expect a literary masterpiece - especially on the back of a dollar - but if I'm gonna tear the guy down, I may as well do it thoroughly.)

The funniest part is, someone had told this guy that I literally laughed out loud at his demonstration of interest!  He came back and called me on it, too!!!  I was sooo busted!  He asked for the dollar back, said he would trade me for one that wasn't written on, if I had no intention of calling.  I certainly couldn't allow that to happen!  Then what would I show you?!?!  So I told him, "Well of course I laughed.  There were at least 8 of you in here and I find a dollar bill with a name and phone number asking me to call?  I thought it was funny because there was no way for me to know who I was calling."

I did tell him that I probably wouldn't call, so I didn't lead the guy on, but really?  If you wanted to talk to me that badly, wouldn't it have been far easier to say, "Hello."?

Excuse Me, Sir? Did You Know You're On The List?

I was married to an addict.

Often times, in the years since his passing (and quite honestly, probably before that, too.  I just didn't want to hear it.) people have often asked what drew me to him.

If you've ever been involved with an addict, you know that it is often a long time before you're aware of their problem.  And once you are aware, you spend so much time making excuses for them, it's difficult to see your way out.

Over the years, I've tried to pin point how I became attracted to a man like that.  After thinking over The List, I think I've figured out where it all started....

Yes, that's it folks...  The one, the only...  Robert Downey, Jr. 

Just look at him...  This is him in the 80's.  I can totally tell that he's pondering the ways in which his damn good looks and amazing on screen presence has forever altered my life - all before puberty...  (Ok, judging by the hair, it was right around puberty.)

And I mean really, can you fault me?  I'd truly have a hard time letting any man that looked this good leave, none the less put clothes on. 

Really, what more can I say besides, "YUM!"  Did I happen to mention that he too is married?  Unbelieveable!  How are any of these men going to be my Ex-Husbands if they're married?!?!?!   Did I mention that a healthy fantasy life is good for the soul?  (Screw chicken soup!)

By the way, in this one, he looks like a man I used to play with - ComputerGenius.  Maybe I should give him a call....

What I Love About... Saturdays

Saturdays are rough.

As I've mentioned previously, I am a bartender.  I generally don't get to bed on a Friday night (let's be real, it's Saturday morning) until at least 3:30 a.m.  That's IF I come straight home. 

I'm fortunate that my kids sleep at their baby-sitter's on the nights I work.  They do, however, start calling me by 9:00 a.m.  That, my friends, is entirely too freaking early! 

I really do love Saturdays, though.  First of all, even though the ungratefuls wake me too damn early, I love that I get to spend the afternoon with them.  Nothing makes my day more than calmly reminding The Girl to keep her hands off of other people, to stop taking things that don't belong to her, and the reason we are out of Go-Gurt is that she is constantly helping herself and I have no idea that we've run out.  And truly, what could possibly be more rewarding than repeatedly telling The Boy that the obnoxious sounds he makes are not only irritating as hell, but piss me off beyond belief.  And as much as he would like to be, he is not, nor never will be Ace Ventura and if he would like to practice being Jim Carrey, to please do so while outside or locked in a sound-proof booth.

Another of my favorite parts of Saturday is shower time.  After spending the day enjoying all the amazing gifts of motherhood, I sadly have to begin getting ready for another stimulating night of dealing with drunks that love karaoke.  (Oh!  I forgot to mention the bar has karaoke?  Well, what was I thinking?)

I love the solitude of shower time.  Even at 9 and 10, my children still burst into the bathroom multiple times during one shower.  It's ALWAYS super important stuff, too.  Life-threatening issues like, "Where is my DS charger?", "The Boy won't share his games with me!", "The Girl went into my room without asking!", "Am I allowed to watch Old School? But Mom, I've seen other Will Ferrell movies!  That's so unfair!"

Sadly, when it's time for me to drop the kids back off at the baby-sitter's, I know I'm going to miss the little monsters.  I think about how much more fun it would have been to rent a pile of movies and eat popcorn all night, or how great it would be to let them have huge sleepover parties at our house with their friends.  And when the phone at work rings around 10:00 p.m. and a familiar little voice on the other end says, "That One Mom, please.", it warms my heart to know that regardless of how rotten, spoiled, and ungrateful they are, they're mine.  All mine.  And I don't have to share them with a soul.  Truly, I am blessed.

Men Really Are From Mars!

Dating may very well be the single most frustrating activity around. 

Okay, parenting is.  But add dating on top of parenting and it's a wonder I don't live in a padded room.

About 5 months ago, I reconnected with an old friend from high school.  I call him Dream Guy.  When we were teenagers, Dream Guy had a colossal crush on me.  We were always friends, but that was it.  Fast forward 16 years, add marriage, kids, divorce (or death of a spouse in my case), and a few boyfriends/girlfriends...

When we started spending time together, both Dream Guy and I had just gotten out of some serious dating relationships.  We were spending time together at least two nights a week, in true long-lost friend fashion.  We talked about EVERYTHING!  My family, my marriage, my kids, dating experiences I've had over the years, his marriage, his daughter, his family, and his experiences with dating and being single.  It was great!  There was no pressure, no expectations.  We were old friends catching up and having a great time.

Then came complications...

It was clear to both of us that there was more than friendship brewing.  While I was fine with that idea, Dream Guy was a bit frightened by it.  The great part was, we talked openly about it.

Our time together has always been very comfortable and very easy.  The frustrating part is, I haven't talked to Dream Guy in almost two weeks.  The last time we talked was a Saturday night.  I had just gotten off of work (I closed at the bar) and Dream Guy had called.  He was at a party his younger brother was having and he was sad that I wasn't there with him.  He said he was having fun, but he missed my laugh and wished I could have come. 

While it's very true that I also missed him (and do now), he had never said such things to me.  I told him that those were very nice things to hear and that I looked forward to seeing him very soon.  We haven't talked since then.  We've texted back and forth a few times, but no talk.

HOW FRUSTRATING!!!

I'm not one to be pushy and I am certainly not about to chase a man.  But honestly, what do I do in this situation?!?!  I am truly ok with just being friends.  I am seriously in like with Dream Guy, but I can live with just friends.  I realize that we are both very busy people, I just wish there was a way to hear the sound of his voice and know where we're at.  Is that insane?  Is it asking too much?  Any suggestions?

Winning Is Fun! (I Should Do It More Often!)

I'm so excited!  Singlemomseeking ran a give away for 5 sets of free passes to the screening of The Boys Are Back starring Clive Owen!  And I won a set!  Yay me!!!

Here's the trailer!




I'm super excited to see it!  A). I heart Clive Owen.  He's on The List.  B). My inner masochist loves to see movies that make me bawl my eyes out.  C). Winning is fun!

I'll let you know how it is!!!

Three Months And Counting... The Before 2009 Ends List

I'm a procrastinator.  Not just kinda.  Really. 

I have all kinds of good intentions (we all know by now where that gets us, according to my Dad), but always seem to find a reason to not follow through.

The funny thing is, I don't procrastinate on my commitments to others (although, I can be forgetful.  It drives BFF bananas!).  I only procrastinate on commitments to myself and my home.

It needs to stop!

So, I've decided to compile a list of things I need to accomplish before the ball drops on 12.31.09 and we welcome in 2010.  I'm trying to be realistic,  here.  But sometimes I go overboard.  So here it is:

The Derek Zoolander School for Kids That Can't Read Good
The Before 2009 Ends List 'O Things To Do:

1. Find the bar counter top in the kitchen.
2. Shampoo carpets
3. Get my laundry put away.  Don't laugh!  It's a muy serious undertaking that I haven't been taking too seriously.
4. Get to Chicago to visit Dad, Step-mom, Baby Brother and Fam, Fave Cousin and Fam, and everyone else.
5. Clean the laundry room.  I will find those dust bunny colonies and wipe them out single handedly.  Yes, I'm a force to be reckoned with.
6. Beat level 6 on Word Mole.  (Shut up.  I told you, I'm addicted to my Blackberry!)
7. Pick out tile for my kitchen and bathroom.
8. Paint vent and outlet covers (that I took down when painting over a year ago) and get them hung.
9. Replace the lightbulb in my oven...  And the one in the garage, and on my front porch, and in front of the garage, and in The Girl's closet... (If anyone has any recommendations for how to get broken bulbs out of sockets, I'm all ears!)
10. Get through the Flylady's Holiday Control Journal in one piece.

Hopefully this isn't too ambitious.  I'm hoping some of my new dear bloggy friends will help to keep me on task and on my toes...  Nudge nudge, wink wink...  I'll keep you posted!  Wish me luck!