Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Adjusting

Cookies and cream and jelly bean dreams...

Sunshine and roses...

Rainbows and unicorns...

These are the feelings one usually associates with the life changes being experienced in my home currently.

Yes, it's true. I am getting married, and I am on Cloud 9.

I have committed to forever after with the man I love. So what's the catch?

For the last 11 years, my family has been a three-man team.

Our non-routine life revolved around us. Our nuances, our struggles, our perfect imperfections. Despite the highest of highs and incredibly low lows, we worked.

Sure, there were the days I locked myself in my closet and sobbed until I couldn't possibly shed another tear. And let's not forget the nights I would cry myself to sleep, desperate for answers, clinging to the hope that God would see us through another day.

But despite the clouds of heartache that came alongside my daughter's behavioral and mental health issues, despite the anger and rage welling up inside my son when he'd reach his limits of tolerence, and despite my depression that waxed and waned with the tide of our home, we were happy.

We still are happy.

And adjusting.

The fact is, I have been a widow longer than I was ever a wife. I have been an only parent for 11 years. My children have no idea what a dad really is. What does a dad do? How does a dad act? What is a dad's role in a family? The only man I have ever lived with is my husband, and that was for less than 2 years. I don't know how to co-parent. I don't know how to let someone else participate. I don't know how to let someone do for me (without feeling guilty). And I don't know how to ask for help.

We are all adjusting. Including him.

He has never been married. He has never had kids. He has never lived with a woman...until he moved in with us.

Most days are great. We communicate well. He listens when I talk, I listen when he talks. Every once in a while the kids will even listen when someone talks. And we adjust...

Who knew that sharing my life - my family - would come with such a learning curve?

Each day brings a new challenge, and a new joy. Having a partner in life is more rewarding than I ever imagined. I know in time, this new way of being, this new family, will find its groove.

Have you ever had to make major adjustments in your own life?
 
 

13 comments:

Brittany said...

My mom's a single parent and from the child's viewpoint of it, I've had the same thoughts. But, I'm happy for you and I'm sure everything will fall into place. :) I'll have to say that one of my "major adjustments" was getting used to not having a dad around.

Visiting from Shell's!

xo, Brittany
www.simplybrittany.com

Renegades said...

My mom was an only parent for years. We are both blessed that she met my step father who I consider my Dad. It did come with change. It wasn't always easy. Blessings out weighed the adjustments.

Diane said...

Speaking from experience, it can be challenging at times and I made the mistake of thinking everything would easily fall in to place.

I think it's best to keep things as close to the way they are now with discipline and house rules. My kids were much younger and I was completely worn out so I stepped back a little and let my new husband take on the disciplinarian role and I shouldn't have done that.

We have made some adjustments recently and things are beginning to run a little more smoothly.

It's never too late for happy endings...So happy for you!

Di said...

Congrats! You deserve the happiness that is coming to you! We are going through major changes at home right now and I expect they will continue for awhile. My focus is always to have the least impact on my son with it and hopefully I am succeeding there. I'll know when he's a teenager and he's either in therapy or not if it worked! :)

Ducky said...

Wow! So much adjustment and you really are handling it with such grace!!! This is a beautiful post, K.

I love it and you and just know there is so much awesomeness surrounding your family....I want to soak some of it up!

Shell said...

Sounds like you are doing a good job adjusting!

Am so happy for you! xo

Babes Mami said...

In the beginning of our relationship there was tons of adjusting and learning. I have always tried to remind myself that the worst day with Chris is still tons better then before we were together and it helps me keep perspective.

I too am happy for you!!

Mimi B said...

Sigh...lots of adjustments. I've been a single parent for over 5 yrs now and I can't even imagine having to share it with someone again, as much as I want to. LOL when I REALLY think about it, it really freaks me out. That means I'd have to put away the clean laundry that's on the other side of my bed. =)

Adrienne said...

Congrats! It must be so hard adjusting to each other. I think it takes quite a man to enter into a three man team, and it takes a brave mama to let him. I'm praying for you and your whole family. Enjoy this tender time together. <3

Kate said...

Booohoooohoooohoooo! Cry to someone who cares,,, :-) I love you. I'm happy beyond words for you. Tell Asshat to suck it up and I love him, too. Kisses. Hope to see you soon.

Radiant_Being said...
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Radiant_Being said...
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katie said...

I find it unique that I found you tonight on sheer improvisation. I have not lost anyone, but my friend has and with her four children by her side, she will note a year in passing of her husband tomorrow (3/16). I do not know you, but I know I can learn a great deal from you and I am pleased in finding you. Congratulations on your wedding.
Bjyork

www.1elocution.wordpress.com

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