Monday, August 9, 2010

Where Oh Where Has My Sanity Gone?

Today I had an anxiety attack.  At least I think it was an anxiety attack.  I've never before had one but I was freaking the eff out and I wrote to my BB Bishes, "I think I'm losing my mind.  What's an anxiety attack feel like?  I think I'm having one."  To which my dear friend Adrienzgirl replies, "Your heart races and you feel like you can't breathe and it feels like the walls are closing in."

Based on that description, plus lots and lots of tears, I decided it was definitely an anxiety attack.

Everywhere I turn in my home, I feel like the walls are closing in on me.  While my home is nothing like something you'd see on Hoarders, there are piles everywhere.  Literally.

This is my bedroom.   There are piles of folded laundry, piles of unfolded laundry, piles of magazines, piles of pillows, piles of DVDs, piles of books, piles of piles! Piles, piles, piles!  I am so overwhelmed and don't even know where to begin!  I can't find anything, I don't know where to put anything, and this is only my bedroom!

While the other rooms in my home aren't anywhere near this bad, the prospect of going through it all is just so draining!

Sadly, my pile problem is only the tip of the anxiety ice berg.  I feel like I have been doing so much for so many on my own for so long, I just need to stop. I need to stop taking care of everyone's stuff and start dealing with my own.  I need to set up well-defined boundaries and only say, "Yes!" to the things that are important to me - my kids, my boyfriend, my family, my close friends, and of course my dog.

It's time for me to stop making excuses for my life careening out of my control.  I need to get my house back in order, my money back in order, my health back in order, and most importantly my sanity back in order. 


Shell said...

Oh girl, did you sneak in here and take pics????

If you figure out how to get it all in order, come help me!

I have to get a new charger for my bb. One of my kids chewed on the end of mine and it doesn't charge, so that's why I've been missing!

Kate said...

<3 <3 <3 <3 you!

After dad died, I was having 2-3 attacks a day. It went on for over 9 months. >>>virtual hugs<<< I am looking so forward to seeing you this weekend!

Babes Mami said...

Oh no! I have never been that overwhelmed by things but I have read that it's best to take it one area at a time, it doesn't matter what pick a drawer a day, a desk top, a corner and conquer that. Then another and another. Get boxes. 'keep' 'throw away' 'donate' anything that you know you want to keep but aren't sure where it goes or where you want it it goes in there to be dealt with later. You know where the clothes, magazines and papers should be sort of but it's always odd things that you aren't quite sure what to do with or you haven't organized the space it goes in. I have found when I'm overwhelmed the three things that work are...make the bed, put away the clothes and clean out the closet. Once you have control over some areas you should feel more able to conquer over committing, health, boyfriend and all of that.

Long comment, big hugs!

Ed said...

Time to put those kiddos to work.

Senorita said...

I've had an anxiety attack before, I didn't know what it was at first. If you don't know where to start, just start with one pile, and if you have the energy to work on another one, then do it. You'll be amazed at how much better you will feel after cleaning up just one little section of your house, and you'll gain momentum to clean the rest of it up.

Can your girlfriends help you clean ? I would if I were in your area.

Good Luck !

Andrea said...

Hugs to you! I have a hell-hole or two like that of piles. I'm not a hoarder, but may as well be in some respects. Hate it! It closes in like crazy. Take deep breaths, head between your knees and sit up and drink some cool water. Or splash some on your face! Hugs, Mama!

Dee at Pedestrian Palate said...

That is definitely an anxiety attack. Step back, breathe deeply and make a list. Then systematically work down the list. As you start to cross things off, you will feel so much better.

Unknown said...

good ideas here already----lists are great. and don't think/try to do it all at once! tackle one area/pile at a time. Put on some fun music. Let the kids help. Reward yourself with something small after---a bath or a glass of wine? Take deep breaths. Panic attacks are no fun. It does sound like you need to slow down.


Danielle said...

Anxiety attaches are scary. I have them often.
Hang in there and get your boundries in line. You are strong adn will do fine when you get those in line! *hugs*

Anonymous said...

After my divorce, I had anxiety attacks every time I went into a church (long story but you get the picture) and I thought I was completely losing my mind. It helped to talk about it, like you're doing, and acknowledge that it was a very REAL feeling.

One thing that is hard for me to do is to accept help from others, but I encourage you to do that. Usually friends are more than willing to pitch in. They love you more for allowing them to help you!

Mike said...

The chaos around you quickly infects your mind. Even some small changes will make you feel better. Focus on one place so that can at least be your sanctuary then move out from there.

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