Where Oh Where Has My Sanity Gone?

Today I had an anxiety attack.  At least I think it was an anxiety attack.  I've never before had one but I was freaking the eff out and I wrote to my BB Bishes, "I think I'm losing my mind.  What's an anxiety attack feel like?  I think I'm having one."  To which my dear friend Adrienzgirl replies, "Your heart races and you feel like you can't breathe and it feels like the walls are closing in."

Based on that description, plus lots and lots of tears, I decided it was definitely an anxiety attack.

Everywhere I turn in my home, I feel like the walls are closing in on me.  While my home is nothing like something you'd see on Hoarders, there are piles everywhere.  Literally.

This is my bedroom.   There are piles of folded laundry, piles of unfolded laundry, piles of magazines, piles of pillows, piles of DVDs, piles of books, piles of piles! Piles, piles, piles!  I am so overwhelmed and don't even know where to begin!  I can't find anything, I don't know where to put anything, and this is only my bedroom!

While the other rooms in my home aren't anywhere near this bad, the prospect of going through it all is just so draining!

Sadly, my pile problem is only the tip of the anxiety ice berg.  I feel like I have been doing so much for so many on my own for so long, I just need to stop. I need to stop taking care of everyone's stuff and start dealing with my own.  I need to set up well-defined boundaries and only say, "Yes!" to the things that are important to me - my kids, my boyfriend, my family, my close friends, and of course my dog.

It's time for me to stop making excuses for my life careening out of my control.  I need to get my house back in order, my money back in order, my health back in order, and most importantly my sanity back in order. 

Loose Ends

I'm gonna be honest with you.  I haven't been around a whole lot since DuckFest.  I don't have any reasons or excuses.  The monsters got out of school last Tuesday and we have been trying to settle in to summer.

For those of you that participated in DuckFest, THANK YOU!  Thank you so very much!  In all, we raised $1186.  100% of that money is in a bank account for JD's future.  As an only parent, I know I worry plenty about what to do for my kids when graduation day comes. (I know plenty of married parents that worry, too.) I just hope that the kindness of all of the strangers that rallied around Daffy's family during this time gives JD and his Daddy some hope for a happy future.  I know that it really warmed Daffy's heart.

***********

You may remember just over a month or so ago I made a commitment to get my life, my body, and my house all back on track.  I am happy to report, as of this moment, my living room and my daughter's room (minus the closet) are clean!  Can I get an AMEN! Hahaha...

While I have fallen off of the Flylady wagon, it was mostly intentional.  I decided there were some rooms that needed some extra-special attention before I had rugrats in the house 24-7.  The baby-steps, while great for building habits, weren't meeting my immediate needs.  I do plan to start implementing the routines on FlyLady soon, buuuuuut, I have a couple more rooms that need some TLC first.

***********

In other news, you might also remember a post I had written back in May, talking about me wanting a dog...  Guess what!?!?!?!?  We have a new family member!!  Everyone, welcome Natty!

Playing with her ball AND holding her lion.

Smiling for the camera.

Natty is a 2 year-old, black Great Dane!  We adopted her from The Upper Midwest Great Dane Rescue over Memorial Weekend.  The kids and I are already smitten and feel like we have won the doggy lottery.  She is soooo awesome!  She is adjusting well and will be going for her 1st vet visit next week!

I already have a favorite Natty story.  She LOVES riding in the car.  The other day, The Girl and I were leaving to have lunch with The Man.  As we were walking out to the garage, Natty slipped by and went and stood at the back of my SUV, like she was going to go with.  I could not get her back in the house to save my life, sooooo...  I put her in the back of my SUV, took her for a short ride around the neighborhood, came home, and she went right inside! Hahaha, can you believe that?  What a turkey.

***********

Anywho, now that the kiddos and I are settling in to a summer routine, I hope to be seeing you every other day, at least!  If you can't find me here, I am also contributing at Lose It Bitches and Keeper of the Cheerios.  Also, don't forget about my Blog Frog community! That place is currently a virtual ghost town!  Head on over, start some discussions, give it some life! 

Happy summer to all!!!

Back On Track

I've fallen apart.  I'm not afraid to admit it.  I have lost all sense of organiztion and control of my daily life.

Since October, I have gained 25 pounds, leaving me 7 pounds shy of my full term pregnancy weight with The Boy.  My self image is shot, my motivation is down, and my energy level non-existant. 

In addition, I feel like my home is falling apart around me.  Any semblance of the routine I once had is completely gone.  After taking my kids to school, I crawl back into bed and often times don't get back out until I have to go pick them up.  That means household chores aren't getting done, laundry is piling up, and very little is getting cleaned.

This all needs to change.  I am very unhappy in my body and in my home.  I know I am the only one that can do anything about it.  So I am going to get of my fat, lazy ass and make some changes.

It sounds like a lot to tackle. Which is why I am bringing it to this forum.  The sense of community I feel in the blogosphere is far greater than any network I have IRL.  I know there are men and women that read my blog and probably yours that are feeling defeated as well.  I also know there are people that read our blogs that have overcome these feelings of defeat.  I am reaching out to all of you for support and inspiration.  I have also read in many places that publicly stating your goals helps in making them more attainable.

So here it is!  I need to get my life back on track!  I need to take control of my physical health and lose 35 pounds.  I plan to do this through healthy diet and exercise.  My goal is to work out twice a week with a trainer for 1/2 hour sessions.  In additon to the training, I plan to get in a half an hour of cardio 5 days a week and strength training or workout videos on non-training days.  In January, I created a Spark People account.  I will be using this account to track my food intake as well as utilizing the site for recipes.

To get control of my home, I am going to be going back to the Fly Lady.  Once upon a time her Beginner Baby Steps set me on a path to getting my house together.  It has worked for me in the past and I believe that it can work for me again.  My life is lacking routine.  This program will help me to create a new one. 

I'm going to be tracking my journey for the next 31 days.  Why 31 days?  Well, I've been told that it takes 28 days to develop a new habit.  The Flylady breaks down her baby steps into 31 days - to help develop new habits and routines.  31 days will also give me 4 weeks to get back into a workout and healthy eating habit and hopefully begin to see changes.  I will be tracking my progress and discussing my journey in my Blog Frog Community.  I will share before and after pictures, success stories and tales of things that didn't work so hot for me.  Ultimately, my goal is to find my better me, the one I lost somewhere along the way. 



Flylady image belongs to http://www.flylady.net/