Monday, February 21, 2011

Rethinking

Once upon a time I had something to say.

I was funny.

I was relevant.

I could form cohesive thoughts and put them into sentences.

Then I got distracted.

My boyfriend, my family, and people I know IRL started to read what I was writing.

I felt censored.

I felt judged.

I was lost.

So I started to rethink my purpose.

Why did I start to blog?

Did I have a goal?

Was there a message?

I read and re-read my about me.

I looked through all of my communities and my bios and I began to wonder.

Who is the woman I am putting out there?

Who is That One Mom?

And then I made a decision.

Hello, my friends. My name is Kristin. For the last year and a half you have known me as That One Mom. I am the only parent of two amazing and frustrating children. You have come to know them as The Boy and The Girl.

The Boy is Noah. He is 12 and in the 6th grade. I knew the day I found out he was coming into my life, I would never be the same. He is too smart for his own good and terrible at applying himself. He has a passion for literature and for gaming. How do the two mesh? I have no idea, but it makes him unique.

The Girl is Ahna. She is a 10 year-old firecracker with little use for what the world sees as conventional. She is a 5th grader, but is currently taking a break from traditional schooling for a more therapeutic learning environment. She puts countless smiles on my face and innumerable tears on my pillow. She loves animals and babies, and has a soft spot for the elderly. She is truly unlike any person I have ever met.

For the last 10 years, we have been a three-man team. We laugh together, play together, and are frequently on each others' last nerve. But I don't think any of us would want it any other way.

In September 2009, I began this blog as a means for reaching out to the rest of the world. I didn't have a particular goal. I just wanted to share. I wanted to interact. I wanted to hear and be heard.

When I began, I didn't know what SEO was. I knew nothing about tweeting, or social networking. I wasn't even sure what following was. I had no idea that people would actually subscribe to what I wrote and validate my thoughts and feelings with comments.

In the beginning, I was just a woman with a computer that had something to say.

Last week, I had a conversation with someone that resonated deep within me. He is a trainer that does fitness camps for kids. In our conversation he told me, "The best thing you can teach a kid is to build a foundation of themselves."

In rethinking my purpose as a blogger, I have learned that I need to stick to the foundation of myself. From this point forward, I will not allow myself to be censored. I will not do something because "it is the next logical step for my blog."

I will be Kristin.

Because for 33 years, that is what I have done best.

23 comments:

Becky said...

You go girl.

Mama Jules said...

Hi Kristin!

I love this post. Blog for yourself and be yourself. Great advice!

adrienzgirl said...

Yeah! Now that's what I'm talking about! LOVE IT!

Kimberly said...

Good for you. So nice to meet you Kristin ;)

Tare June Hodge said...

Beautiful!

June said...

It's a beautiful foundation to continue to build on!

*Hugs*

Dee said...

Good for you girl! I felt censored too when "family" found out about my blog, but you just have to learn to say eff it sometimes!

Holy Hannah said...

Good for you, I am proud of you!

Ronalee said...

I know exactly how you feel. I regret that I have friended my family on facebook. they are the only people who criticize me. It caused me to be on guard and I lost my spark.
I started blogging last month and I have already gone back too edit posts, just in case I have family reading it some day. It is just no fun being censored. I look forward to your posts.

Amanda said...

Probably the best post I've read in a long time. I found myself in the same showes as you - feeling watched by people IRL but you know what.... screw em' I'm going to be me. My blog is the one place that I can truly be ME and if they don't like what they read then they aren't worthy to be a part of me.

Good for you!

Renegades said...

I have had the same thoughts since some of my family read the blog. However, I have to be real because it's all I know.

LeadingMama said...

This is, perhaps, the only reason to do anything at all. To be yourself, to share yourself with others, to make authentic connections. Thanks for the poignant reminder this morning. I needed it.

Katina said...

Do it! Funny, I have felt the same way myself!

Shell said...

Bravo, my friend!

Losing Brownies said...

Its great that you are taking this step!

Andrea (ace1028) said...

Oh, I love you, K. :) You are beautiful, amazing, and whether or not you share certain aspects of yourself here, or there, or wherever, it is all what makes you YOU. SO welcome to the world of blogging with your name, mama. :P I'll meet you at the door with a case of wine, or whine, whichever suits us best!

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Growth is always a cool thing :)

Nice to meet you, Kristin xo

Joyce Adler said...

I say, fuck your family. The ones that judge you aren't worth your times and the ones that love you are. Is a hard thing to learn, I know, but I can't possibly put the energy required into being someone else. I don't always like me, I don't always agree with me, I don't even always love me. But I try. And im always honest, even if it means someone has to get hurt. I don't know if those are good qualities, but until God tells me otherwise, ima keep on doin it my way. I love you. Always. No mater if you're That One Mom, Fave Cousin, buttface or Kristin.

Tracy said...

You are awesome. This is awesome. So fucking awesome. You go girl!!!
xoxo

punken said...

You Rock!

gayle said...

Sounds like a perfect idea!!

Daffy said...

You cause me to smile with pride... no doubt that felt really really good!

Anastasia said...

Hey, it's nice to meetcha.

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