Friday, February 12, 2010

100 Random Questions Answered By Me...

Well folks, here it is...  I have been here and letting you into my head for 100 posts, as of this post.  Scary, isn't it?  I know that most people try to commemorate their 100th post by doing something fun, so I'm gonna put on my best sheep costume and follow along.

As you may or may not know, one of the best parts of blogging is the friends you make along the way.  I have made some wicked awesome friends.  And for my 100th post, I have asked them to submit questions for me to answer.  The fun part? The questions are totally random!  So, here it is!  P.S. I won't be offended if you don't read them all, it's kinda long, but I had fun!
Enquiring Minds Want to Know...

1. Superman, Spiderman, or Batman: Who would you be more attracted to and why?
I'd have to go with Batman, but not the Adam West Batman.  Or the Michael Keaton Batman. I'm definitely all about the George Clooney Batman - hello hottie!!!  And the Chris O'Donnell Robin?!?!?  Can you say yummy?  I'm also a huge fan of the pre-fat and nasty Val Kilmer Batman.  He could be my Huckleberry anyday - wait, wrong movie...  But really, does anyone top the Christian Bale Batman?  I think not!!!  Look out Jack Kelly, you may sing and dance, but Bruce Wayne makes my heart go pitter-pat...  Why, you ask?  Have you seen Tobey Maguire?  Need I say more?  And I'm sorry, but Christopher Reeve was just too old for me...  But the Dean Cain Clark, haha, that's a whole other Oprah...

2. What are your thoughts on earwax?
Ahh, earwax...  I have a very complicated relationship with earwax.  You see, The Boy's ears are the highest producing earwax factories in the lower 48.  By virtue of this fact, I spend a lot of time harvesting earwax.  Once upon a time, I found this fact to be humorous, but 11 years in, I am thoroughly disgusted and so over earwax.  I long for the day I am comfortable allowing The Boy to stick cotton swabs in his own ears.  A day, in the hopefully forseeable future, when the bedtime routine doesn't consist of me using half a box (okay, 6) swabs to ensure the nasty, sticky substance that flows from his ears isn't visible to all who look at him.

3. Does The Man have any qualities similar to Clint Eastwood?
Considering the Clint Eastwood I am familiar with has one foot in the grave, imma say no.  But as I think more deeply about this question, I am reminded of the bad ass Eastwood.  The tough guy no one messes with.  He is BAD ASS...  And again, imma say no. 

4. If you could be any sex toy, what would you be and what color would you be?
Hehehehe, a blow up doll? Oh! Wait!  I'm not supposed to answer a question with a question... Hmm, I'm not so familiar with the sex toys. I went to a sex toy party one time. That was funny.  And Redneck Brother's first wife worked at a fantasy gift store, but I'm still not so familar.  That said, I'm gonna go with a blow up doll.  Hehehehe...  Do they come in different colors?

5. What was your worst bar customer experience?
Um, wow.  This is a toughie.  Usually I find a lot of humor in the bad experiences.  One time, there was this young douchecanoe, he had been to the Roadhouse Double Deuce type bar across the street prior to coming in.  It was early, probably only 6 or 7 o'clock and his ass was plowed.  He started out ok, but in a matter of a half an hour or so, he began being vulgar and offensive to other customers.  I kindly asked him to refrain from being offensive and the poor fool began to get lippy with me.  I kindly let him know that I did not tolerate people speaking to me in that fashion and asked him to please leave.  He protested.  Long story short, I gave him and his friends ample opprotunity to get the eff out my bar.  His friends tried aggressively to get him to leave  with them.  He refused.  So I arranged a ride for him - you know, the ride with the flashy lights on top?  He resisted the officers, got face planted and pepper sprayed.  In addition to a few nights in the clink, our friend had to make a pitstop at the local hospital....  Oh well, I warned him...

6. If you could have one super power, what would it be and why?
Ahh, super powers...  This one is easy.  If I could have a super power, I would want to be able to detect bullshit.  That way I would know with 100% certainty when my children were full of shit, when a man was full of shit, or when anyone else in the entire world was full of shit.  Wouldn't that be handy?

7. If you could torture one person with music, who would it be and what song would you play?
What an amazing question.  If you'd like to know what song I would play, click here.
*Consider yourself tortured, hehehehe*

8. How big is your bed?
Big enough for me and both of my monsters to lay in bed all day and watch movies together.

9. What music are you listening to right now?
No music, watching Burn Notice.  I heart Michael Weston.

10. Do you have any relatives in jail?
Not that I'm aware of. 

11. Have you ever gone cow-tipping?
Oddly enough, no.  It's odd because I grew up with a cow pasture in my backyard... 

12. What's your favorite midnight snack?
I lurve to eat...  My favorite midnight snack, however, is an ice cold beer OR a yummy vokda based drink...  I'm particular to Jeremiah Weed and lemonade and Stoli Vanilla Vodka with Diet Coke.  But I'm off the Diet Coke.  A whole month!  WOOT!

13. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste?
People brush their teeth with a dry toothbrush?  WTH?  How does it lather?  Isn't the paste awfully...pastey? 

14. Have you thrown up in a car?
I have narrowly escaped it.  When the kids were VERY small, we had dinner at church.  It was a pot luck kinda thing.  On the way home, my stomach was all icky quesy and I felt very ill.  Mind you, I had two small children in the back seat, so I was trying to get us all home safely and in one piece.  About 2 miles from home, I knew there was no way I would make it, so I pulled over and blew chunks out my door...  Ew.

15. Do you scream on rollercoaster?
I. Love. Rollercoasters! A lot.  That said, there is one rollercoaster that made me scream.  In terror.  In the Wisconsin Dells, there is this SUPER AWESOME amusement park/water park called Mount Olympus.  Did I mention it is super awesome?  They have amazing waterslides, tons of go cart tracks, and killer roller coasters!  There is one, however, that scared the bejeezus out of me.  It is called Hades.  Hades has this super awesome incline that takes this super crazy plunge UNDER GROUND!!!!  And, it scared the shiz outta me...  Shhh, don't tell...

16. If you don't know the words to a song, do you improvise?
Absolutely not.  I'm a stickler for lyrics.  In elementary school, I had this friend named Michele.  Michele was my neighbor and we did almost everything together.  (P.S. Although we've drifted apart, in the last few years we've reconnected and make a point to call one another on our bdays.)  Anylongstoryshort, Michele and I once got into a ginormous argument over the words to Starship Enterprise's "We Built This City".  We didn't talk for DAYS (which is like years in little girl time) and both worked diligently to earn enough money to buy ourselves copies of the tape (yes, tape, remember how all of the inserts had lyrics for the songs?  I miss that.)  I don't recall who was right.  Maybe we both were wrong, but darn it, I know every word to that song.

17. Share your thoughts on punctuality and what you'd like to do to people who are chronically late.
Ahhh, I am the chronically late.  It's an affliction I can't help.  I do my best to be timely, but really, I am destined to ALWAYS be late.  Sorry!

18. Ice cream, pie, or cake?
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!!!

19. What is the first facial feature you notice on a person?
I'm all about smiles.

20. If your life were a sitcom, who would play you?
What?!?!?  My life isn't a sitcom?  Since when?  Why the hell are there cameras in my house?  Who are these people with booms and mics?  How can all of this ridulous shiz really be happening to me?

21. If you were independently wealthy, would you still work?  If yes, what would you do?
I'm broke as heck and barely work now, why the heck would I do it if I had all kinds of cash?  That's just crazy talk.

22. Tropical island, ski resort, or dude ranch?
Definitely a dude ranch...  (What's that?  A dude ranch isn't a ranch with a bunch of hot dudes running around for me to oogle?  Screw that, imma go to the tropical island.)

23. If you joined the circus, what job would you have?
If?  I'm the freaking ring leader of this circus called my life.

24. Boxers, briefs, or butt floss?
Wait, I'm confused.  Women wear boxers or men wear butt floss?  Can I get some clarification here?

25. Who is your favorite football team?
Only the greatest football team ever - the New England Patriots.

26. Best beer ever?
Currently, I heart Spotted Cow.  Unfortunately, you can't buy it in Minnesota.  Only in Wisconsin...  Soooo....  If you live in Wisconsin and you wanna send me some, lemme know!  Just sayin'...

27. If I came to your house, what would you cook me for dinner?
Probably.....take you out to dinner.  Just because I find it difficult to cook AND visit. 

28. Favorite band frontman?
It's a toss up between M. Doughty (Soul Coughing) and Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam).

29. Favorite on-screen couple?
Totally Noah and Ally from The Notebook, but does anyone else ever wonder if Watts and Ducky would've made a great couple?  Just wonderin'...

30. Do you put your right sock on first, or your left?
Wow.  I have no idea.  Lemme think....
I think, if my reenactment wasn't tainted by this question, that I put my left sock on first. 

31. Pepsi or Coke?
Coke.  Diet.  Have I mentioned that it's been 4 weeks since I've had any.  Yes.  A WHOLE MONTH...

32. Icee or Slurpee?
I heart blue raspberry Icees, but to be fair, I live in a 7-11 free land and have never actually had a Slurpee.

33.What's in your CD player right now?
Bob Schneider Frunk - from his most recent show at the Varsity Theatre in Minneapolis (2 disks), Lady Antebellum - Need You Now, They Might Be Giants - No!, and a mix CD I made pre-iPod.

34. When is the last time you farted in public?

35. Who is a bigger douchebag, Jon Gosselin or KFed?
I'm truly not familiar with either of their antics, but I heard that KFed was a good dad.

36. If you had to pick a theme song, what would it be?
Gosh, I dunno...  American Girl by Tom Petty?

37. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Lies.  I hate lies and I can't stand when people lie.  Especially when the people I love lie, specifically my children.  Commonly, The Girl.

38. What is your biggest fear?
Probably the same as any mother, not being able to protect my children from terrible things.

39. What is your best friend doing right now?
Missing me terribly. Doi.
40. A priest and a rabbi walk into your bar.  What happens next?
I ask them what they'd like to drink?
41. Have you peed your pants?
Hehehe, yes.  On my sister's 21st birthday, we went out at the Mall of America.  At some point, my brother-in-law (at that point, her fiance') decided he was going to pick me up and squeeze me.  He literally squeezed the pee right out of me.
42. What do you call the little plastic things at the end of shoelaces?
Flugelbinders.  Cocktail told me that's what they're called.
43. Favorite book?
The Little Prince
44. Who is your celebrity crush?
Come back Sunday and you will see!
45. Where would you go on your dream vacation?
Currently I dream of Ireland.
46. What is your favorite kind of potato chip?
I LOVE Old Dutch BBQ flavored kettle chips.

47. Favorite TV show?
Burn Notice

48. Favorite knock knock joke?
Knock knock?  Who's there?  Boo.  Boo who?  Don't cry.  (Weak, I know, but it's all I got.)

49. Milk chocolate or dark chocolate?
I love me some dark chocolate.

50. Favorite candy?
Swedish Fish or Hot Tamales

51.What's hotter, lifted trucks or sports car?
Definitely sports car.

52. If you became Queen of the World, what is the first thing you would do?
Outlaw morning, of course.

53. Can I have $10?
Um, sure?  Do you take checks?

54. If you're having a bad day, who do you want to talk to?
No one.  I prefer to sleep.

55. Favorite song?
Tupelo Honey by Van Morrison

56. What is one silly fact about you?
I have an irrational fear of car washes and vines.

57.When is the last time you were pulled over and did you get a ticket?
I have no idea.  I think the last time I was pulled over it was for rolling through a stop sign, and I didn't get a ticket. That would be the only time I didn't get a ticket.

58. Do you remember your favorite teacher?
I do.  Mr. Lachelt.  He was a biology teacher and he was awesome!

59. What was the last movie you watched?
Ella Enchanted - with The Girl.  Great movie.

60. What is the last thing you ate?
Dried cranberries.

61. Cheesecake or brownies?  You can only pick one to have for the rest of your life.
Brownies.  Definitely.  I don't like cheesecake.

62. If your favorite uncle were a cartoon character, who would he be?
Wow, I have no idea.  My favorite uncle passed away a year ago.  He was awesome...  Is there a cartoon character that oozes awesomeness>

63. You've been kidnapped by aliens.  What do they feed you?
McDonalds...  Bastards.

64.  Are you a cat person or a dog person?
I'm an animal person.

65. Would you ever go on Survivor?
Absolutely!  Talk about all time weight loss program!

66. Could you, would you eat a caterpillar?
I could not, would not eat green eggs and ham a caterpillar.  Not in a box, not with a fox. 

67. So, you're stuck on Gilligan's Island.  Who would you do the naughty with?  Yes, you HAVE to pick one.
The Professor.  No question.

68. What is your favorite hobby, besides blogging?
Is sleeping a hobby?

69. Would you rather eat a handful of dirt or a handful of dryer lint?
I think dirt would be a lot easier to rinse down.

70. Would you rather, in a permenant relationship, have the woman grow a penis or the man lose his?
Let the man lose his.  There are always toys...

71. Would you rather lose your memory or your vision?
My gut says memory, but there are so many things I would hate to forget, so I'm gonna go with vision.

72. Would you rather get stung by a large scorpion or bit by 300 mosquitoes?

73. Would you rather kiss a stranger's butt or lick their shoe?
Definitely kiss butt.  At least I can keep my mouth closed and scrub my face.

74. Would you rather sleep naked in a room with 10 rattlesnakes or 100 black widows?
Either way, I'm a goner.  So Imma say black widows.  At least they're quiet.

75. Would you rather have uncontrollable drooling or be a bedwetter?
Imma say drooling.  Pee is smelly and bedwetting creates laundry.

76. Would you rather have a small butt on your forehead or two little feet dangling beneath your chin?
Hahaha, this question reminds me of a They Might Be Giants song.  I think I'd rather have a butt on my forehead. At least I could cover it with bangs.

77. If you were an ice cream flavor, what would you be and why?
I am strawberry ice cream.  I'm pretty plain and basic, with an occasional surprise (strawberry chunk).

78. What is your favorite bumper sticker?
"Criminals love unarmed victims" OR "Don't blame me, I voted McCain-Palin"

79. Why doesn't McDonald's sell hot dogs?
Because they're terrorists.

80. Why do they put holes in crackers?
So the cracker crumbles more easily and makes as big a mess as possible.

81. What disease did cured ham have?
The Swine Flu

82. Your first french kiss - yummy or yucky?
It wasn't exactly yucky, but I remember it being very sloppy.

83. Is your toaster full of crumbs or perfectly clean?
Perfectly clean, of course.  I'm Suzy Freaking Homemaker.  Bwahahaha...

84. If you could have a special date anywhere in the world, where would you want to go?
A date?  What's that?

85. Snow White or Ariel?
Ariel.  But truly, I'm a Belle kinda girl.

86. What is your favorite brand of jeans?
Big Star!

87. If you were stranded in the woods, would you want with you a spoon, a straw, or a spatula?
In this situation, I feel the spatula would be the most vesitile choice.

88. How old were you when you learned to swim?
I was very young when I learned to swim...preschool aged, probably.

89. Do you ever just kick random objects under the couch so you don't have to vacuum or bend over to pick it up?
Ugh!  I HATE finding crap under the couch!!!  Seriously!  Drives. Me. Nuts.

90. What song would be playing over and over in your own personal hell?
Fireflies by Owl City

91. Would you rather have dandruff the size of cornflakes or a constant groin itch?
I'll take dandruff for $100, Alex.

92. Would you rather steal candy from a baby in public or cut in front of a nun in a grocery store check out line?
I'd totally rather cut in front of a nun.  Forgiveness is her bidness...

93. Would you rather have to live one year as an elf or a mermaid?
That totally depends.  Are we talking elves like Legolas and Arwen in Lord orf the Rings or the North Pole kind?  If it's the North Pole kind, then totally a mermaid, but if its the LOTR kind, totally an elf.

94. Would you rather lose your mate to the same gender as yourself  or the opposite?
The opposite.  At least that way I know it wasn't anything I could have done differently.

95. Would you rather burp in a board meeting or fart semi-loudly on a first date?
Imma go with burp at the meeting.  The people you work with know you better than your first date, they are totally not going to get the wrong impression.

96. Who is the worst actor in Hollywood?
I don't know if he's the WORST, per se, but Dax Shepherd drives me bonkers.

97. If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
Ivana.  Ivana Humpalot...  hehehehe

98. What is on your fridge?
Kid art, pictures of nephews, school lunch menu, fun magnets, and a dry erase calendar that hasn't been updated since November.

99. Would you rather eat a rotten egg or a whole 5 pound pumpkin?
A whole 5 pound pumpkin.  Rotten eggs are smellllly!

100. Would you rather have love and lost it or never have loved at all?
I'm an old pro and love and lost... 

Well that's it!  That's 100!  I want to thank my friends Daffy at Batcrap Crazy. June at 3! A Charm, Alicia at It Ain't Easy Being Cheesy, and Stephanie at The Blue Zoo for sending me questions, as well as the game Zobmondo for giving Steph inspiration!!!

Here's to 100 more!


Ducky said...

That was the best ever and totally worth waiting for! (TWSS)

congrats on your 100! I have so many favorites! And of course you know first hand (thanks crackberry) which ones had me rolling. You're the best!

Have a grand Friday you deserve it!

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

Congrats on 100- and what a random group of questions!

Alicia said...

that was awesome!!! so many fun questions! and if its possible, i love you even more than before!! happy 100 lady and happy friday!

Anonymous said...

I cant believe how much we have in common! Except the whole toaster thing.... who cleans their toaster?? LOL

Unknown said...

OMG, Darlin...
Those were great!! (and yes, I read them all.)

I'm with ya on so many...
Van Morrison ~ LOVE HIM.
Dry erase calendar - mine says October!!! LOL
And Belle - yeayayya!

great post! Thanks for sharing those with us.
I "heart" you.

Tracie said...

Congrats on 100! How can you tolerate life without diet soda??

adrienzgirl said...

You are so dang funny! These were great. I am bummed I got ripped off and didn't get to play. However, I think I gots me a good excuse.

Love you! Congrats on 100!

Anonymous said...

After reading some of your answers, I think we could completely have fun together! Our boys could have an earwax contest while we sipped a vodka drink. I'm pretty sure my waxy boy would win though! I'm also a lyrics freak, love Lady Antebellum, I'm always late and dream of going to Ireland! I had fun reading your answers, and you could totally be my new BFF! haha Congrats on post #100!

MojoMama said...

OMG, I was just talking to my husband about this subject the other day:

Would you rather lose your mate to the same gender as yourself or the opposite?

And I gave the EXACT same answer you did! He just didn't get it! I tried explaining that if he left me for a man, he was getting something I physically could not give. But another woman, I would always wonder if she just did what I did... but better!

CK said...

Oh, I had so much fun reading these. I felt like I was sitting up late, having a silly/heart-felt discussion with a good friend ;)

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I read the whole thing (Parts 1-5+) and I am just in awe at all you've been through and how powerful and positive you are through the whole thing. I am grateful for what you teach us and explain to us about drugs and suicide. I am grateful for your honesty and hope you have in your kids.

I send my hugs, gratitude and love. Thank you!


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