Monday, March 19, 2012

Reminding Myself I'm Doing It Right...

As the mother of a child with behavioral health issues, it can be difficult to find consequences that make an impact or inspire change. It's difficult, when you are working so hard to break bad habits, to ignore the little things that a child does for the sake of attention.

I have been told time and time again to pick my battles. Some things kids just need to work out on their own.

As hard as I try to be the model parent, I fall short daily. I work myself into knots of guilt and inadequacy as I recount all of the advice given by countless "how to parent my difficult/spirited/special needs/ADHD/ODD/mood disorder/anxiety ridden child" books.

I try to remember all of the times the therapist has said, "you couldn't have handled that any better".

I try to remind myself of all of the things I do "do right".

Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I feel defeated, because nothing seems to work.

I'm tired of being told, "You hate me!!" 

Every time I hear, "I wish I was never even born!" I want to cry.

I feel guilty for dreading a day at home.

Sometimes I wonder if my head really will burst...because it feels like it might.

A few weeks ago, I even joked with some Twitter friends about faking my death and moving in with @MeSoRandy and his husband. But alas, these things will never come to pass.

I either really love the abuse or I really love my kids (it's the latter, I promise), but any way you look at it, I'm stuck here. Through thick and through thin, it is my job to equip my kids with the skills they need to live a happy and healthy life.

It is my job to somehow instill in them the self-confidence to treat themselves with respect. It is my hope, and goal, that they become individuals who look at the world through wide-open eyes. I want them to learn that everyone - EVERYONE - deserves to be loved, treated with kindness, and given respect.

If that means that for the short time they live under my roof, the accusations of hatred fly and I am repeatedly told I make them miserable, so be it. My job is not to be their friend. My goal is not for them to like me. As mom, I have a bigger purpose...


Liz Mays said...

You said it sister. It's more fun to be their friend, but it does everyone a disservice in the end. Good for you!

Andrea said...

Well said, my friend. Well said.

Parenting is so hard. We find the things that work for us and our child(ren) and move forward from there. We can only do what the best in us is.

xoxo Huge hugs.

Mimi N said...

This can be such a hard time. She's growing up trying to figure out her independence while still being dependent on you. I had friends tell me to find the good things and really play those up. Yah, easier said than done. I love my kids, but my purpose as a mom is the same as yours. =)

Kimberly said...

You are a wonderful mom who is doing a great job at raising her babes. I can't imagine how hard it is.
Sending strength xoxo

Diane said...

Amen! I've just recently found and read about ODD. My oldest definitely has that and my youngest? Well, he's not exactly an "easy" one to raise either. I've made an appointment for my oldest with a counselor in a couple of weeks.

It's not an easy job being a parent. Ever. Even harder when you throw in behavioral issues/disorders.

I'm constantly reminding myself that God wouldn't have given me these children to raise if he didn't know I had it in me.

I get it...

Babes Mami said...

I try to remind myself to remind myself when Nate is a teen and yelling at me that in a few short years or when he has his own kid he will get it and I will have many more years on THAT side then this one.

Babes Mami said...

Also, you are a rockstar mom!

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