As the mother of a child with behavioral health issues, it can be difficult to find consequences that make an impact or inspire change. It's difficult, when you are working so hard to break bad habits, to ignore the little things that a child does for the sake of attention.
I have been told time and time again to pick my battles. Some things kids just need to work out on their own.
As hard as I try to be the model parent, I fall short daily. I work myself into knots of guilt and inadequacy as I recount all of the advice given by countless "how to parent my difficult/spirited/special needs/ADHD/ODD/mood disorder/anxiety ridden child" books.
I try to remember all of the times the therapist has said, "you couldn't have handled that any better".
I try to remind myself of all of the things I do "do right".
Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I feel defeated, because nothing seems to work.
I'm tired of being told, "You hate me!!"
Every time I hear, "I wish I was never even born!" I want to cry.
I feel guilty for dreading a day at home.
Sometimes I wonder if my head really will burst...because it feels like it might.
If that means that for the short time they live under my roof, the accusations of hatred fly and I am repeatedly told I make them miserable, so be it. My job is not to be their friend. My goal is not for them to like me. As mom, I have a bigger purpose...