Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Helping Her Through


Today I am linking up with my friend Shell at Things I Can't Say.

***********

Her screams rip through my ears.

"I hate you! I hate you! My life is Hell and I ruined your life!"

I want to hold her. I want to wipe her tears.

Instead, I dodge a shoe.

"You wish I was dead! You wish I was never born!"

I want her know know that she is an amazing gift. I want her to know that I am thankful for every day I have with her.

Instead, I dodge a photo album.

Blankets are ripped off the back of the couch and thrown across the room.

Homework and artwork are torn to shreds at her feet.

I dodge ceramic coasters.

The surface of the coffee table is wiped clean by an angry arm. Everything is on the floor.

My daughter lies in a sobbing heap on top of it.

She is still screaming, but the words are intelligible.

I am waiting.

Waiting for her to reach out to me.

Waiting for her to be ready to be consoled.

Until then, all I can do is watch.

"Mommy!!!" she finally cries out.

"Mommy! I love you!"

Her body is shaking as the tears stream down her face.

I take her into my arms and she crawls into my lap. Her breaths are shallow. Her voice is weary.

"I'm sorry, Mommy. I love you. Please love me, Mommy. Please."

Now is my chance. I reassure her...

"I love you, baby girl, with every ounce of my being."

I rub her back. I brush her hair from her face, wiping away her tears.

And we rock....

13 comments:

singedwingangel said...

OH how I have been there with my oldest.. his black rages from bipolar have found us in this position many times..

princessr9 said...

*hugs* You're such a good mamma.

Lindsey said...

Powerful. It is so hard to wait that out I know, but you did the perfect thing.

Di said...

I don't know how you do everything that you do and stay sane with everything you have going on. You are amazing!

Heather said...

Do you need a hug too? Poor girl. That has got to be hard on both of you?

Cheeseboy said...

Wow. Powerful. It's the calm after the storm that sometimes makes parenting worth it.

Renegades said...

This has got to be so hard on you as a mother. What a powerful story to share.

thingsicantsaymichelle said...

Oh, honey. How hard it must be to just wait that out. You are doing all you can for her.

Babes Mami said...

You are so amazing to be able to handle this, I know that you get frustrated and don't feel like you are always handling it but...I couldn't do it and still be as together as you are. You rock!

bigguysmama said...

This just makes me cry. Going through what I have with my daughter this just breaks my heart for you as a mom and for her because she really can't help it. I am so thankful that you wait for her to finish and that she reaches out to you.

~Mimi

TDM Wendy said...

So timely. My almost 3 year old had the biggest tantrum I have ever seen yesterday. Very similar to this one. In it for the long haul... Bless you mama.

The Blue Zoo said...

Oh, poor girl. That makes me so sad for her. And for you too.

Anti-Supermom said...

Such a great reminder. I know this was in the show Parenthood, but it's true... the times when they are pushing you away the most and the times when you need to grab onto them as tightly as possible.

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