Friday, October 1, 2010

I Wish

via toonboom.com
I wish it were different.  I wish I could be more. Do more.

I wish that when my kids were fighting, I could help them get along.  I wish that my son didn't despise his sister.  I wish that he understood that she doesn't function the way he does.  I wish she realized how badly her actions hurt him. And me. I wish they understood.

I wish that when it came time to pay for things, money wasn't short.  I wish that I didn't have to bartend to make ends meet.  I wish that I spent less time worrying and more time doing... Although what more can I do? It's a constant stream of being behind.  I'm never fully caught up.  Maybe someday.  I wish that someday was soon.

I wish I wasn't so tired. I wish sleeping wasn't so easy. I wish that when I looked around at all that needs to be done, I didn't look the other way and close my eyes.  I wish I took better care of me.

I wish my family lived closer. Or that I lived closer to them. I wish I could see my nephews and my cousins' kids more regularly.  I wish there wasn't that hesitant, "I think I know you" look in their eyes when I visited.  I wish my kids could see them more, too.

I wish that when The Man said, "You're amazing." I believed it.  I wish that I believed it when my friends said it, too.  I wish that I believed that everyone doesn't leave. But I don't. So far they have. I wish  that everytime someone told me how strong I am or how brave I am, they knew it makes me cringe. I didn't choose to be strong. I didn't choose to be brave. I just picked up pieces and did my best so my kids wouldn't know any different.

What do you wish?

20 comments:

bigguysmama said...

This post made me cry because I feel like you just spoke the words I could've spoken. Only, I don't have a "Man" to say anything like that to me, not that I'd believe it. I wish I had some great words of wisdom to help you believe that you're loved. I look around me and my boys are fighting, my 2nd daughter still is trying to forgive my mistakes, I barely have enough $ to put food on the table and see the "wants" and a lot of the time "needs" of my boys. My house is in shambles, etc.

I hear you and I can truly empathize!

♥ Mimi...who wishes family wasn't 1/2 way across the country.

Daffy said...

I wish you didn't have to 'wish'.....

Evonne said...

I wish none of us had to wish for things.

I wish there were more hours in the day. I wish I could be more organized and make better use of the time I do have.

Renegades said...

I wish that some how the playing field could be leveled. So people were on the same court. There weren't those with the advantage and those with the disadvantage. That we were all simply people being productive in society. That nobody felt better then some while someone felt less then some.

Oh and for myself I wish they'd figure out if it's my apendix or what making my side hurt. **there I go being all selfish***

Jennifer Juniper said...

I love this post, and if I were as eloquent as you then I could have written it.

Kimberly said...

I really liked this post. I think too often we worry about what we're not rather than celebrating what we are. Celebrate being a wonderful Momma, friend, and blogger...but still wish for boat loads of money ;)

adrienzgirl said...

I wish my friends were closer. I miss them even though we talk daily.

I wish that the people I love never wanted for anything.

I wish I could shoulder the stress BDC feels weighing on his shoulders from working so much and me not being able to find a job.

I wish your wishes would come true!

Jamie Council said...

I wish for some many of the things you wish for...and a few more. However, more than everything I wish that you could feel about yourself the way we all feel about you. While you didn't choose this life, you have created soemthing beautiful and special for yourself and your children; it myay not be perfect, but remember that, by God, it is and will always be on your terms. Celebrate what you have and know that when you are about to hit bottom, we are all here to help you bounce.

Andrea (ace1028) said...

I wish there were a way to make everyone's [most especially yours right there] wishes come true. I wish there were a way to be the me I want to be whole-heartedly and 100% without doubting certain aspects of who I am. I wish for my daughter a future without the need to wish and an ability to just make it all happen. I guess I wish that for all of our kids. {{HUGS}}

Diane said...

I can greatly relate to much of what you said here and I used to feel much the same way when someone called me "brave" or "strong" but you know what? They were right. I look back on it and see how that kind of tragedy could have broken me but I didn't let it and you didn't let it and that is much to be proud of. I wish we could all see the good in ourselves that others see.

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

I wish you a lifetime of happiness :) xoxo

FeliciaE said...

I wish many of the things you wish. Especially the being tired and wanting to sleep all the time. My additonal wishes would be that: I wish I knew what was wonky with my period, I wish I had the gumption to be more active with my children,I wish I could get more motivated to lose this damn weight. My I wish list just goes on and on and on.

I also wish you a wonderful fullfilling life and that it gets easier for you.

Mo 'Betta said...

I wish cancer did not exist. I wish for lots of other things too, but that's the biggie for me right now.

Ed said...

You're awesome.

Believe that.

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

To quote you, "I wish that everytime someone told me how strong I am or how brave I am, they knew it makes me cringe. I didn't choose to be strong. I didn't choose to be brave. I just picked up pieces and did my best so my kids wouldn't know any different."

This is what I wish too. I'm tired of being brave and strong... {{{HUGS}}} Mama!

Babes Mami said...

I wish I could give you a big ole hug right now!

Kate said...

I wish for my dad back. Every. Single. Day.
I wish that I didn't have to worry about E and L's hearts.

Kat said...

I wish for a lot of things. This is a very touching post.

The Mommyologist said...

Man, I could probably go on for days with this one. I wish that I'd had as much self confidence 10 years ago as I do now. My life would be much different.

The Grasshoppa:Triplets Plus Two Momma said...

I wish I would have found your blog sooner.That's just for starters.

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