Monday, August 2, 2010

I'm Not Saying You Have To Like Everyone, Just Be Nice

If I have learned anything in my life, it is this - You can talk until you are blue in the face.  Unless you actions match your words, what you say has no meaning.

In the last year, I have been blessed to have developed a community to call my own in Blognia.  Like any other environment where people of different opinions, backgrounds, and belief systems congregate, there are different cliques and circles.  Not everyone gets along.  Not everyone agrees.  Not everyone is friends.  That, in my humble opinion is just fine.

When my daughter gets in a fight with her friends (which frequently happens among young girls), she is quick to use her wit and her words to lash out.  As her mother, I jump in and redirect her.  I let her know that it is okay to be mad and it is okay to be hurt.  It is not, however, okay to be mean.  Regardless of what has been said and what has been done, kindness and turning the other cheek is of the utmost importance.  In addition to teaching her these things in conversation, it is my responsibility to model these behaviors.

Certainly there are people in my life that have made me angry or hurt my feelings.  I know with certainly that everyone has people like that in their lives.  Why am I discussing all of that here?  What does any of this have to do with Blognia?

Just like in any other community, Blognia has what I refer to as "potstirrers", people who have had falling outs or disagreements that they just can't let go.  These potstirrers like to include other members of our community in their drama by writing hateful posts about the ways in which they've been wronged.  They visit the domains of the people by whom they feel scorned and leave nasty, hateful comments under an anonymous disguise.  Worst of all, they play a martyr and admit no role in the falling out, as though they were an innocent bystander, a victim of circumstance, when in reality they have lied, antagonized, and thrown people they called friends under the proverbial bus.

Sadly, I see this happening daily.  While I do my best to stay positive and not give the potstirrers the attention they so desire, it has come to a point where I feel something needs to be said. People I care about are being attacked in insidious ways.  Other people that have shown me kindness are being mocked and ridiculed.  While I know the nature of the potstirrer is to continue this attention craving behavior, I hope that the people that are being manipulated by and encouraging this behavior will begin to see through the mask and identify these people for what they are.

By continuing to visit their blogs and commenting on their rants of hatred, we are fueling them and giving the validation they desire and the motivaton to continue being unkind to other people we call friends.  While I know there is a good chance I will feel the backlash from this post by the type of person I have described above, I am hoping this post will encourage the rest of you to really think about the people you call friends in Blognia.  I challenge you to really think about who and what you are reading.  I encourage you, when coming across a blog that spews hatred toward others, that instead of validating it with comments, you click off.  Rememer, it costs nothing to say something kind, even less to shut up all together.



Think Tank Momma

23 comments:

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

Damn Skippy.

I could say a lot more but then I'd be feeding the drama llama so I'll stop here.

Nothing but love for you, girly!

The Blue Zoo said...

Very well said! I dont think you'll have to worry about any backlash. Potstirrers will likely know to keep their traps shut! The encouragers are just as bad. I am about sick and tired of two faced people in blogland! Anyways, thats all Im gonna say about that. LOL I dont wanna be a mean blogger!

Mommy is in the Bathroom said...

I'm going to assume <--u know what that means --> I know what/who ur talking about and just say you're a better and nicer person than I am.

I think there is a time and place to vent. If you don't, you blow up into an emotional balloon and pop at probably the wrong time.

I just try to let my balloon pop in private among people I trust and not spew my hot air into uninvolved people's space for their entertainment. Cuz let me tell ya, my hot air boils into venom when I let it.



Ooooohhhh WHAT DOES IT MEAN? *giggle* *giggle* *tears* <---- sorry, have to do it every time I see a dratw.

Babes Mami said...

I am so lucky I haven't had to deal with any negativity yet! I agree with everything you've said!

adrienzgirl said...

Yep yep! It costs less than nothing to shut up! NADA. ZIP! ZERO! ZILCH!

You're so classy!

MindyMom said...

Very well said.

Guess I'm out of the loop though because I have no idea who these potstirrers are!

June said...

Very well said.
Amen Sista.

Rise above and keep thy mouth shut.

Shell said...

Ahh, the potstirrers. And those who comment on it are even worse b/c they are just egging the potstirrers on.

Loved this. Headed off to tweet it.

Nancy C said...

This is well said. As a blissfully clueless one, I hope I haven't unknowingly stepped into some drama when commenting. So not my intent.

Buffee said...

I read this earlier, at work, but your blog hates me! It won't ever let me comment! Just because I'm not leaving you comments, doesn't mean I don't ready ya! I just forget to come back once I get home!

Imma blogging nobody, so I have no haters! I like it that way!

Amanda said...

Great post, very well said!
shellthings thanks for tweeting about this! glad i read it and came across this blog!
http://mommys-secret-hideaway.blogspot.com/

Natalie said...

I also am glad Shell tweeted it because I thought it was a fantastic read! Your advice is perfect!

*LLUVIA* said...

Totally!

I always miss the drama! LOL! I'm glad, though! :D I can't stand it when bloggers go all junior high! I hated junior high! Like I told another blogger long ago, when she went all high school on me: "I'm too old for this sh*t!"

Kate said...

I wish I could be half the momma you are. I get too frustrate, too irritated and at such a loss for words with my E that I often just end up yelling 'GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!' and even when I make the attempt to explain consequences and actions and the importance of stopping to think "WWJD?" I often leave feeling as though my lesson has gone i one ear and out the other. >>>sigh<<< you be da bomb, baby!

Elizabeth Flora Ross said...

I have written about this multiple times on my own blog. It makes me INSANE and I don't understand it. We need to support each other, not tear one another down. Respect our differences and remember the one thing we all have in common - we are moms.

Two Normal Moms said...

Well said!!

Ally

Dee said...

Couldn't have said it better hun!

Dual Mom said...

I strongly suspect these type of people are lacking alot of things in their life....like..well.. a life. Their need for drama feels an emptiness. Sad really...but annoying as hell when you get mixed up in the pot, I'm sure.

Dual Mom said...

feeds...not feels

Danielle said...

I must be out of the loop too cause I have no idea who these people are. Maybe cause I am a peon blogger! :)

Salt said...

I am so out of the loop in this particular instance, but I agree with absolutely all of what you said. And I have seen the random anonymous post comments on the blogs of my friends and I just think "wow that person is so sad". They don't even realize how pathetic they look either and that's even sadder.

I feel pity towards people like that.

April said...

I don't know anything about this, just wanted to offer hugs and support.
I tend to rant on my blog sometimes, so I can't in good conscience put the button on my blog, but I certainly never do so in the ways you've described here. (At least, I hope I haven't!)

Imaginative Me said...

Wow! This is a powerful post! AMEN!!
Mean people suck! I haven't been caught in much controversy or anything really here in Blogland, cause I have the attention span of a 3-year-old and always forget to stay in touch, but I hope I never run into any problems like what you're describing here. It's a shame people can be so mean with their words.

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