Thursday, December 3, 2009

An Apology, Kinda

The Girl and I got into a fight again on Tuesday.  She has been on a hot streak of  defiance the last few weeks.  The final straw was catching her removing my last pair of contact lenses from the packet and trying to put them in her eyes.

I blew a gasket.  I freaked the eff out!

Just days after losing my wedding ring (she was playing with it while I was in the shower and lost it in her room), days after being told that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is she to touch things that don't belong to her, I catch her with her dirty little fingers in my contacts.

I asked her (in a very loud and pissed off voice) what she thought she was doing.  I asked if she remembered the conversation we had when she lost my ring.  I asked where she got the idea to get into my contacts.  All she could say was she didn't know. 

I lost it.  She was sent to her room.  Indefinately.

On Wednesday, upon picking the kids up from school, I received a letter from The Girl.  The teachers told me she came in before the morning bell and asked to use the computer.  This is what she wrote (posted in the same format - all caps and bold):

DEAR MOM,
     I AM SORRY I WAS YELLING AT YOU.  I AM SORRY I MADE YOU MAD.

BUT YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR YELLING A LOT.  SO I WILL NOT TALK TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE YELLING.  AND WHEN YOU ARE MAD AT ME GO TAKE A BREAK IN YOUR BEDROOM.

Sincerly,
The Girl

She's right.  I do.  I should take breaks when I am that mad.  They should also not follow me into my room when I am trying to take a break when I am really mad.  But really?  Is that even an apology?  Is she accepting any responsibilty for her actions?  Is there an implication that she will be working to change her behavior?

While I am very impressed by her insightfulness and suggestion for a better means of communication between us, I am not impressed with her apology.

14 comments:

adrienzgirl said...

I totally have parental "time outs" so that I don't kill my children in fits of rage!

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

Wow...good luck! I am not looking forward to this age. If I can't keep my cool when they're this young, I don't hold out any hope for my future.

Richele said...

My kids could have written me that letter as well. I do agree with you that it sounds as if she is not taking responsiblity for her actions and that she did not apologize. However, I think kids expect us to be perfect..so when we are not they feel they can hold it against us. Not sure that came out right....like my daughter had a hard time seeing where she is wrong if I responded wrongly. She is too focused on my actions and how that affects how she sees me. My father use to have no real emotional reaction when I was a preteen-teen and all up in arms. It forced me to hear myself and realize where I was wrong. I never got angry with him but saw more of what he saw. Once I calmed down he spoke to me. UGH...raising kids is not for the faint of heart. I fear that one day my kids will drag me on a talk show and tell the world how I failed her! lol.

Senorita said...

Your daughter definitely deserved to get yelled at, and she is not taking responsibility for her actions.

Could you have handled it better ? Probably, you could've beat her ass. She's lucky she's not being raised by my folks.

Two Normal Moms said...

Mmm, yeah. Very insightful, and maybe true. But in no way is it apologizing or taking responsibility. They seem to learn early how to shift focus, don't they? Ah the joys of raising kids - when parents must take time outs! :-)
***Ally

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Very funny, really. I love how she put a spin on it.

You should type one back to her saying "I'm sorry I yelled too loud at you. But you need to work on not getting me mad at you so much. Maybe then I wouldn't feel the need to yell". :)

Cat said...

Not an apology- it maybe makes a point, but there's no responsibility there.

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

Definitely not a true apology, but she makes a good point. Maybe you should talk to her about both of you working on your actions/responsibilities.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

I need timeouts too. Certain things (particularly those things that I have already said 100 times) get me crazy.

Samantha said...

How old is your daughter? I couldn't find it on the blog. My son does the same, and it drives me equally crazy. But they aren't as capable of taking responsibility for their actions as grownups are.

Also, from my experience as a child, the things your daughter is doing means she idolizes you and wants to be like you. She maybe be pretending to be you, and "needs" the contacts to keep pretending. I was crushed by my mom's continuous rejection of my attempts to be like her. Maybe help her find a more appropriate means to get this out of her system. Give her an old pair of your pumps and and old lipstick to play with. Something like that.

Good luck!

Michele said...

Ahhh, "MOMMY TIMEOUTS". I take them all the time!! LOL

I would have been raging mad as well.
Good luck to both of you. It sounds like you have quite a special relationship ~ you'll be just fine.
What a great mom you are!!
I am SO not looking forward to this stage. Trinity is constantly trying to be like me, getting into my stuff. And yes, she did try to stick my contacts in her eyes ~ right after I told her not to touch them!!! Grrrrrr!
I gave her an empty case to play with, now she jut pretends ;)

Mike said...

True. A "D" in taking responsability, but a "B" in insightfulness.

kys said...

How old is she? She sounds like a certain smart-mouthed 9 yr old that I know and love despite his raging temper and mood swings. When I try to talk to him about his behavior he says "This isn't going anywhere. I'm not going to talk about it". Excuse me? WTF?

plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Haha. You've got a child genius on your hands - very good. This is actually one of the best posts I've read in weeks. First time here but I'll be back.
Check out my dating disasters if you get a minute: http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/

Related Posts with Thumbnails