Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Future Ex-Husbands List (a.k.a. The List)

So, I realized that I made mention of The List a few days ago, but neglected to fill you in on what that is. So here I go....

Years and years ago, pre-mommyhood, when I was in college, I lived with two of my best friends from high school and three more people we met in our first year at school. They were all guys. As a young woman, living with five guys was at times entertaining and other times infuriating. It never failed, we would be at some crazy fun party, hotties abound, and one of my FABULOUS roommates would pull a big brotherly cock block on me. I'd be chatting up some yummy young thing, thinking, "Is this my next Mr. Wonderful?" when out of the blue I'd have an arm around me, and one of five wonderful men saying, "Baby, where've you been all night?" ARGH!!! How's a girl ever supposed to find a man that way?!?!?! But that's a whole other Oprah...


Another amazing advantage of living with five hormonal, post adolescent men was endless exposure to the flawless women of Playboy and frequent, in-depth dialogues about who the hottest famous women were. This, my friends, is how The Future Ex-Husbands List was born. Tiring of listening to all the ways these fantastically beautiful women were superior to me, I decided to give the guys a taste of what I'd been hearing from them...


It started out simply enough. I would find pictures of incredibly hot movies stars, leave them laying around, and when one of the guys would ask, I would give him the laundry list of why this hotty was so super fantastic.


So, my friends, The List began. While The List is neverending, and my future ex-husbands are not listed in any particular order, I do have a Top 3. So today, I will present you with #2. I know, I know, "Why #2?" you ask. "Why aren't we going to start with #1?" The answer is simple. We all secretly have indulged ourselves in countless photos and fantasies of #1 for years. There is really nothing I could post that you haven't already seen. #1 is the beautiful father of 6, life partner of Angelina Jolie, Mr. Brad Pitt....

So, #2!

The one and only, incredibly beautiful uber hotty from Canada, Ryan Reynolds. YUM!!!!! Look at him! So yummy, so gorgeous! Did I mention that he has a voice that is like velvet? And ohmygosh!! The sarcastic wit he has in almost every roll he takes! SWOON!!!




My obsession with this man began innocently enough in 1998, when Ryan thoughtfully graced our televison as the careless smart ass named Berg on Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Parlor. I was hooked! I mean really! Is it possible for a man to look that good, be that sarcastic, and not be a total douchebag! I was in LOVE!!! (Or like? Or maybe it's just good old fashioned lust... Really, who cares?) But little did I know, that this sarcastic uber hotty had a bod to beat all bods (except for maybe Brad Pitt in Fight Club, but that's unnaturally hot).

Needless to say, there's a 100% chance that I will never be able to indulge in my fantasies with future ex-husband #2, especially since he went and got himself married to the perfectly beautiful Scarlett Johanssen, but.... A girl can dream, can't she?

1 comments:

Tiia Jones said...

I love this idea! I think that in, single mom adulthood, it should graduate to including a list of reasons why an imaginary (really hot) ex-husband is better than the actual Ex-Husband!

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