Monday, March 7, 2011

Commandment #2 - Live My Life For Me

As the old saying goes, "If mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy."

So why is it when a mother says she wants to live her life for herself, people immediately jump to call her selfish?

Years ago, when my children were very small, I had a family member chastise other family members for watching my children so I could go to Las Vegas for a four day weekend. One of my best friends from childhood was getting married. I was in the wedding.

Said family member remarked that when I became a mother, I gave up the right to live my life for myself. From the day my first child came into the world, my life was all about motherhood.

Did I mention said family member has a 20 year-old son he hasn't seen in almost 15 years?

Yeah...

And he is giving parenting advice...

If I have learned anything in the last ten years of parenting alone (and therapy) it's that my kids and I like each other better when we have breaks from one another.

I have also learned that my kids like me better - and I like myself better - when I am happy with the choices I make and the way I spend my time.

My recent quest for my happy place has led me down a path of self discovery. Since writing my ten commandments I have been identifying ways to apply them directly to my life.

Commandment number two - live my life for me - has forced me to identify the things I have been doing in my life because I am "supposed to" or because it's "what I should be doing". It has been an amazing discovery to learn how much I do every day isn't because I want it to be a part of my life.

Credit
As I re-evaluate the direction of this life I have been blessed with, I feel I need to do some cleansing. I have begun a short list of things that have to be eliminated immediately. There are also things in my life as I know it now that I need to ruminate on.

In my life and in my home, March will be a month of cleanising.

Physically.

Spiritually.

Emotionally.

We're only given one life.

I'm going to live mine for me.

10 comments:

Shell said...

Woo-hoo, girl! I said something very much like this last week- a spring cleaning of a different kind!

Dee said...

Enjoy it girl, you deserve it!

becca said...

way to go enjoy

Cari said...

Happy Parents=Happy Kids

JG said...

Perfect. And the whole thing about the wedding, it wasn't like you were going just for the hell of it. Wedding. Did I mention it was for a wedding?

Becky said...

I had a mother who made every decision with HER well being first and her 4 children just had to deal with the consequences. There was little consideration of what would be best for the children.
There is living your life for yourself, and then there is living your life for yourself but still being a good mother. And if you are a good mother, then it's a no brainer.

Daffy said...

I never really understood that either. Sure there is a line there but isn't the idea to set an example for your children?...to also foster as sense of security and independence in them? How can you do that if they are never taken off your boob?

And how can you possibly give them your best if you're never allowed to recharge? I think a mother owes it to her children to take some time now and then for herself. it is selfish NOT TO.

j-tony said...

Totally agree with Daffy. You need to get away from them from time to time. Good luck with your cleaning.

M said...

You are doing a great job by setting an example of making YOURSELF happy. And what is that flight analogy, you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you help others? I think the same applies, you have to help yourself be happy before you can help others be happy.

Good on you!!!

Anastasia said...

It's so frustrating when people want to give you parenting "advice" especially when they are useless at it themselves.

Good for you!

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