Monday, September 27, 2010

Friends You Love Blog Hop - Week 4


This month is about building friendships and making our existing friendships stronger...We challenge you to dig into your "followers" list and find one follower you don't know well (not a loyal commenting person) and reach out to them and ask them to do a guest post on YOUR blog. Then, come back and link up with your guest post and have your new friend (guest poster) link up as well!

This week's featured blogger is Beth at Anti-Supermom!


I once wrote a post about friendship, specifically the loss of a friend, but not in the sense of she's no longer with us (because I'm pretty sure she's still being her sassy self in some suburb near here) but the loss of her friendship.

(If you are like me, you *won't* click on my link and only pretend that you clicked on it and that you know what everyone else is talking about in the comments, so I'll save you the click). Here's what I wrote:

She was probably too cool for me anyway.

She is from Quebec so she speaks French at home, yelling at her children in French “Ne me touche pas!” (don't touch); she is an artist, she had her own little studio in the sort of gangster area of Minneapolis and she does cool things like getting a little black tattoo on the back of her neck for her 30th birthday.

Two years ago, I counted on her. She had two children, she had gone down that sibling road already and yes, she was a lot of fun. When I would call her, she'd invite me over but always as an afterthought, like 'yeah, I'm having so-and-so over already, you should come too'. For two years it was always me calling her, not once did she pick up the phone. So last year, I decided to not call her, not put myself out there and wait to see how long it would take for her to call me.

It was 11 months.

She called me last month. I returned her message after stewing about whether to call or not for a week.

I cried, a lot, because I really don't have many friends. I told her how I felt, how friendship is about reciprocation. She told me excuses; I've been traveling, I've been sick, my life is so busy. I told her that we should try to start fresh. She told me she was upset, she would call me 'this weekend'.

She hasn't called me back yet, it's been more than a month.

You learn a lot just having a blog, about yourself that is. I remember writing this post and feeling sad, almost heartbroken that this had happened to me.

But here I am now, nearly two year after writing this post, telling myself that it doesn't matter. The truth is, I'm a better person for having her in my life. I'm a better friend for knowing her and (once) having her friendship.

I might even say I'm a better blogger for having this experience. In the years that I've blogged; I've changed who I've read, who I can call bloggy friends and who I would like to meet IRL. People do indeed change, I'm not subject to avoiding this, at all.

In the same hand, I've learned that people are going to stop reading my blog, stop following me and take my little blog off their radar completely. I have to be OK with that. I *am* OK with that.

(even if it stings a little).

Yes, the saying better to have loved and loss than to never have loved at all seems to be equally fitting.

Friends Forever... maybe not, but having friendships in length (or not) is worthy of saying something: thank you.


And a big thank you to That One Mom for allowing me to guest post. You can find me over at Anti-Supermom where I tend to be way more snarky and post lots of disgusting things my kids do.


A Mother Always said...

..."better to have loved and loss than to never have loved " this is so true.
I have a few friends like that,
I have for a while now told myself to enjoy the relationshps I have for it's own sake and not to expect equal return. That way I'm happier with no expectations.

Hanna said...

Hi there. I am your newest follower from the blog hop! Lovely blog! You can find me at

purejoy said...

i had a person like that that never reciprocated… i tried that experiment and ended up caving in because i figured if i needed her more than she needed me, i was going to have to live with it.
she had a lot of lame excuses, too, but i forgave her. i mean… she is my sister. i kinda had to.
i still am the main initiator, but she calls every once in awhile. and not even when she needs something!! we have a good relationship… but i'm just the caller. she's a sponge. but i love her anyway.

Imaginative Me said...

I have had friends like that too! Frustrating. It's a pleasure to meet you. :)

Danielle said...

Uggg, this made me think about how bad of a friend I can be sometimes. I am so bad at keeping up with people. I need to do better

Alexis AKA MOM said...

I love this post because I swear it's how we become when we're out of our 20's. I look around and I don't see all those ppl I cld friends anymore. I can call I can email but it's on their time. I then find myself being hurt and not calling them again. Then I see that I have no one around me. But as you said I think the road has been bumpy and made me who I am and for the better.

Friendship is a hard thing to balance but it is something we need to find the right plates to spin & which ones to drop :)

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