Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Trying to Fix It; Part 4

It's been a while since I posted the first three installments of "My Story".  Writing them brought to the surface many emotions I hadn't felt for a long time.  It was very draining.  If you haven't read them and would like to catch up before reading Part 4, I have set up links below...

I have recharged my battery, so to speak, and am ready to continue.  So without further adieu, Part 4...
***********

Marriage counseling wasn't exactly what I thought it would be.  Once a week, my husband and I would meet at our therapist's office and discuss our differences.  We decided in therapy that it was critical to our relationship that he be there for the birth of our daugther.  He was.  Other than that, we agreed on nothing.  There was a lot of blaming, he consistently lied to our therapist, and my trust in him was dwindling.

Setting the scene for her life, in typical "The Girl Fashion", she was 3 weeks late and I had to be induced.  How on Earth could I go 3 weeks past my due date?  It was 2000.  EVERYONE was having babies and they were going into labor naturally.  There was literally no room in labor and delivery.  The day I was induced, he arrived to the hospital shortly after me.  I remember him being present for the whole thing.  He was very supportive and an excellent labor coach.

After she was born, my mom and her husband brought The Boy to visit.  Things seemed normal and were great.  Prior to my discharge, my husband asked me if I was ready to move home.  My response?  Not a chance.  This frustrated and angered him.  He said a lot of horrible things.  He even went as far to tell me that I had lied about The Girl's due date, that she was probably right on time, and she probably wasn't even his.  This may have been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

Twice a week, I would take the kids to our house, where my husband was still living, and allow him to see and interact with our children.  He was always a doting father.  He had cute nicknames for our children, played with The Boy and read to him, danced around with The Girl and made up stories for her.  During those times, he was the man I fell in love with.  It broke my heart to know just how broken he was inside.

Come January 2001, he had relapsed for the 5th and final time.  I knew this wasn't the life I wanted for my family.  I knew I needed to stop waiting for him to pull himself together and I needed to make decisions based on what was best for me and my children.  It was an agonizing decision, but I knew that I could no longer stay married to this man...

Photo found on Google Images

16 comments:

Daffy said...

Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. Your readers will find such strength in your words!

XOXO

adrienzgirl said...

{{{{{{hug}}}}}} You are such a strong brave survivor! Luv you!

singedwingangel said...

isn't it amazinghow strong we can become for our children and what we need to do becomes so much more clear.. You are an amazing woman and mom..

The Blue Zoo said...

Im glad you decided to continue your story. =)

You ARE a very strong person. And Im so glad Ive 'met' you!!

BigSis said...

I can imagine it's very difficult to tell this story, but I really appreciate the fact that you are. Thank you!

anya said...

I think it's so important to release your feelings -in whatever fashion and in whatever time that feels right to you. We support you!!!

Karen Whittal said...

Wow, thanks for sharing your story...... it goes to show how strong we mothers can be because we have to be for our children.

Tiia Jones said...

I agree with the other comments that we as single moms do heroic (albeit usually not noticed) things for our kids that we could never do for ourselves. I'm glad to have met you in this forum. I can relate to so much of what you share-especially the lying in marriage counseling. Is that a guy thing?

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Danielle said...

Wow, this must be very painful to relive. Hopefully it is theraputic too.
Thanks for the continued share.

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

LOVE your new blogdigity skin!! =)

I know you don't like to get all mushy and stuff so I will just simply say, K - you rock and I heart you!

June said...

Looks Hot Baby!
Sorry I haven't had a chance to read... and I want to start with post #1 so I have no comments other than to say "Looking Good!"

Alicia said...

lady you are so brave for sharing this....you've been through so much and you are such an amazing person! i'm so glad to have such a strong woman as my friend! :)

ps- LOVE the new layout!

Daffy said...

Looks beeeeautiful baby!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I have been following all of this and I am so glad you were so strong as hard as it was.

Jessica New Fuselier said...

I'M IN AWE OF YOU...

Kelley said...

Still reading and feeling anxious for you, as if you were still in that spot right now. I know that must have been a very, very difficult spot. More than words could describe, I'm sure.

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